I'm not that cruel. I will be asking him about HIS patients. He of course will tell me all that which he feels comfortable sharing.
If I understand therapy correctly, he should tell you exactly nothing about specific individuals. Patterns, perhaps, but I think he'd be in some deep shit if he gave specific examples.
A very interesting thread. I suppose 'daddy' issues come in lots of guises. The father who was absent through choice. The father who was absent through no choice ...he died, or was prevented from seeing his daughter. The father who controls. The father who is indifferent. The father who set standards that are impossible to meet. And never mind the abusive father, who will certainly have an impact. I feel so lucky. My dad was great. Ever-present, loving, supportive, non-critical, empathetic, helpful. I miss him like crazy. He died when I was 31 years old ...way too young. I'm older than he was now. Do I have Daddy issues? Probably. A good father can also colour a daughter's relationships. You expect a certain standard of behaviour from your men, and you don't always find it.
Sounds all too familiar. While there are many factors that can contribute to certain behaviors, I think what you've listed here have also played a part in my behavior in the past as it's markedly similar. After I found my now-husband and got over the few bumps in the beginning (hiding feelings, emotional detachment), it's been a different story. Pretending you don't need that father-daughter relationship provides a shield. Convince yourself you aren't missing out and it hurts less. But then, when you see your friends have supportive fathers who are around, show affection, show that they care, it's a bit of a punch in the gut. For the most part you just kind of want to keep it all behind lock and key 'cause confronting that void sucks. Basically my posts here are testament to that 'cause you won't believe how many sentences I've erased and re-written -- or considered writing and then felt like I'd rather stab myself in the eye, so never mind. So to the OP, your character may appear emotionally cold and closed-off, turned inwards, because that's safer than exposing yourself to situations or feelings where your daddy issues can freely wrestle you to the ground and put the hurt on you. Wow, that must have been emotionally exhausting -- him returning like that . I suppose lack of trust makes sense if the father has been untrustworthy. Personally I haven't felt it because my dad never broke any promises per se. Not that he's ever made any. But I think it'd be a different story if he had tried to build a relationship but kept constantly letting me down. I can also second getting along better with men than women, but I'm also not sure how much that has to do with lacking a relationship with my dad. It could also be that I don't really have a lot in common with other women. I also share your therapy experience. I actually knew I wanted to confront my issues there, but in the end really couldn't. I glimpsed at them, recognized there they still are, yup, this is why I cry when Belle goes to save her father from the Beast (Disney, you're an asshole to girls with daddy issues), and closed the lid.
It was. It still is. We don't know each other at all, and if I can get away with ignoring his texts and calls, that's what I do. Speaking of broken promises, I did forget to mention that my dad has never had any sense of time management. I would have to put my plans on hold (or cancel them) to be on a certain schedule, and he never held up his end of the deal. To this day, "I'll be there at 7." means "I'll actually be there at 8:30." and so on. "I just need twenty minutes." Two hours later... When you're twelve, this is devastating. Any time we needed to be anywhere, count on dad to fuck it up for everyone. It has less impact on me at 27, but is still plenty annoying. A few years ago we left six hours late to go visit my brother in Memphis. We planned to hit the road at 10 AM, we didn't leave town till 4 PM. It's a long, boring, drive, not at all safe at night (because highway hypnosis is very real). Anyway. ^ My entire childhood there. Trust in men =
Wonderful topic. I've written a character that has definite Daddy Issues but it took my wife reading my work to point it out to me. Where the hell a 40-something male came up with a female character with Daddy Issues is beyond me, but would undoubtedly make for some interesting therapy sessions. My character acts out sexually; its the only way she 'feels' anything. Otherwise her emotions are padlocked behind a tough persona that occasionally cracks when no one is looking. Of course, she is drawn to strong, dangerous men who she believes will protect her but ultimately are her nemesis. Another trait I gave her was an 'inner voice' which I mostly dismiss as her conscience. She has arguments of logic with it about decisions but I had a thought during the reading of this thread...that voice could be Daddy (her subconscious idea of him) telling her the right thing to do. My gal never knew her Dad so everything would be a fabrication.
Those types cannot be trusted! Danger! Danger! All I will say... people that are not you or close to you cannot be trusted with "yourself".
Trust is a funny word, but it's present here. We all trust our fellow forum members and put aside our worries just to help each other with creative issues for our writing, right? right? On the otherhand sometimes one cannot trust his or her own self with "yourself" otherwise we wouldnt have things like drug use or late night ice cream binges!
What a strange thread to stumble on as I feel myself confronting my own "daddy issues"?! This kind of feels like some anonymous support group, lol! So, I agree with a lot of the ways a daughter deals with her daddy issues. Having three sisters, all pretty close in age, I've seen all of the different ways a person can deal with daddy issues, and we all reacted vastly different from each other. Trust is definitely an issue. Something I eventually learned to do with my now husband, but it was a long hard road. Also, I found the ability to show affection, even to my husband, something I'm constantly struggling with, but I'm determined to continue working on, even after 16 years of bliss! He is able to rub my back, or touch my arm out of instinct, and I have to plan it out, to think about it, almost remind myself: "hey, you haven't hugged your husband yet today". But, these are things he has taught me by example, not things I learned on my own. I have seen my sisters move from man to man, seen them cheat, and go that route. I was a weird one in that I almost felt at peace thinking about my future husband as being absentee, imagining my life with kids, but no husband. That was just how I figured I'd end up. I figured I was destined to repeat the cycle. I had a scare when I ended up dating a guy that had all the markings of being abusive and extremely possessive and it took me a while to notice it. (Him showing up at my work, at my home at all hours, not letting me see or call my friends). I still kick myself for apologizing to him when he grabbed my arm so hard, that he left a bruise, and I just wanted to answer my phone. But I'm also proud that I was able to figure it out in time and get out. He didn't take it so well, so that was a scary chapter in my life, but a good lesson to learn from, and I attribute the fact that I was attracted to him to daddy issues... And I have no idea where I got the strength to drop him, but it's the same strength I pulled from to make sure that I didn't get into anymore relationships until I knew the person well. So there was a time where I had a lot of prospects, but I wouldn't progress to more than friends with them because I was scared of ending up with the wrong guy, with someone who would hurt me and/or neglect me. That was where the trust thing really flared up. I enjoyed the companionship of men more because I don't like a lot things most girls like, and so I have more to talk about with men. But I would try to be upfront with them so they knew I wasn't looking for a relationship, so they wouldn't be surprised if I turned them down later. Since I was determined to stay away from anyone remotely resembling my dad, it took me a long time before I could start a relationship again, because I wanted to be sure. Now that I think about it, two of my three sisters are now on their second marriage, or live-in boyfriend, and even though I'm second oldest, maybe I watched their pain and didn't want to go through that myself, so maybe their lives helped me too? My husband is nothing like my father, and I'm so thankful I found him! But it's so true about crying in movies where the father and the daughter love each other.... I thought I was the only one, so I'm glad I'm fairly "normal" for someone dealing with "daddy issues", lol! What amazes me is a person who doesn't have them? What's that like? It would be hard for me to write about a character who has a close relationship with their father, so, good for you on expanding your characters beyond your comfort level!
The support I can offer is not of "I understand" but that I am a type that assumes a "daddy" role in my romantic relationships, and while granted it's online, I can offer that daddy issues are not bad, or need not be bad. Yes I have had women look at me as if I was the control freak (and I do like picking out her outfits) but the important thing is if I can help her, and facilitate her growth and happiness. Like you said, Morgan, I have to offer an affectionate touch, a kiss on the forehead and things like that. I am rambling I think by now, but once was a conscious effort now has become nature, and one that is not bad. Recap, daddy's girl not bad. Allowing oneself to be weak with a guy not bad. Being weak at the cost of happiness and against that inner voice, bad. I wish there would be more in the media and pop culture to not dump guilt on a daddy's girl for wanting something. Not all women have to be Margaret Thatchers, right? AB
In answer to your question about displaying your character's Daddy Issues, the first thing that comes to mind is the way in which we all pout and react to stressful situations. Some of us fold our arms and turn away. Some bite the inside of their lip. Some moan. Some walk out. Some merely change the subject, and get very good at bringing up controversial subjects that will distract from what's bothering them most. If your MC is an adult female, you can have her act out in a number of ways. I'd go for changing the subject. Or have her always distracted with her cell phone when Daddy muddles into the room or when a subject matter gets too dicey. To create a character with greater depth, have her do several different things, maybe three in all, when things get too annoying for her. But don't introduce "new" things over and over again or your readers will get confused. But ingrain her behavior in the book. That way, when she bites the inside of her cheek, gnaw on her lip, or fidget with her cell phone, the reader will know her Daddy is entering the room and about to annoy her.
