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  1. Keyvee

    Keyvee Member

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    Dialogs

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Keyvee, Aug 12, 2011.

    Ok, I haven't written here for a few years. While editing my book I found two problems with the dialogs.

    "They're over there," he shouted. He saw two young boys blah blah

    or

    "They're over there," he shouted.
    He saw two young boys blah blah
     
  2. MRD

    MRD Senior Member

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    Wouldn't a person usually have to see a person/people before pointing them out?

    Personally I'd go with something more like this:

    Also, I'd replace the first "he" with the character's name.


    Hope that helps.
     
  3. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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  4. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    btw, 'dialog' is a collective noun, so one wouldn't say 'dialogs'...
     

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