Exposition Without Info Dumping

Here is a short excerpt from my original novel before I revised it.

Terran felt the cold air freezing through his grey metal psionic suit although he wore a white snow coat over it with a hood. A body heater would feel better, but it would drain all the crystal energy within his suit. And he needed the power to fight the hostile targets at the base.

Planet Chione was nothing but a barren ice world with zero percent of life and deadly cold temperatures capable of turning water into solid ice in the matter of seconds. But it was a perfect place for a small army of Space Mutant pirates to build a settlement.

Space Mutants. . . Terran never forgiven those freaks for the murder of his parents back on Planet Demeter when he was only a little farm boy. That painful memory never left his head. At least he could still focus on the mission without the grudge ruining his judgement.

Chione was perfect because the Star Alliance rarely monitored the lifeless ice world. Only space explorers or tourists set their eyes on Chione to observe the beautiful mountains, the underground ice caverns, and the exotic white landscape.

But the Star Alliance soon noticed the mysterious disappearances of one of their cargo ships that venture through the Chione quadrant. It seemed obvious that a few mutant space pirates had somehow teleported into Star Alliance territory undetected and probably settled on Chione to high jack the cargo ships. Who knew how many supplies they stolen for a while. That was why Terran and his Star Ranger team received the request from their admiral to investigate.

After discovering the base, Terran and his two team mates hid on top of a mountain slope above the valley, which was surrounded by tall rocky ice mountains near a canyon. Building the base in that valley was clever. The mountain walls could block the stormy ice winds to prevent the settlement from freezing. And the mutes probably had heaters to keep their disfigure bodies warm to survive in this hostile environment.

While his two comrades looked down, Terran pushed a button on his goggles, activating an enhance visor to get a closer look at the settlement.

The revised chapter is on this link:

https://www.writingforums.org/threads/star-cats-excerpt-word-898.134710/

And this link has the original along with the updated drafts:

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=296541

 

I'll say one last thing: the name "Terran" seems a bit too obvious, wouldn't you agree? Do what you will, but I'd advise using a different name. Sorry for the off topic, but it should be a crime to leave things un-said.

 

I don't know: Robert Englund, all of these people, all of these other people ...it could be made to work

 

I thought it would be a good name for him. He also gets a nick name called Tiger.