1. VM80
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    VM80 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Friends, of the non-TV show variety...

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by VM80, Aug 22, 2011.

    Last year, I decided to leave behind a couple of 'friends', because they had quite a peculiar definition of friendship, which included not telling the truth, gossiping and other such delightful qualities.

    Yet people love to throw around the term friendship.

    Some people who hardly know me have called me 'their friend'. Perhaps they mean well, but I can't help but wonder how they can possibly mean it.

    Do we use the word too much? In this age where many people have 100s of 'friends' on Facebook, what does friendship actually mean?

    What does it mean to you?
     
  2. Jessica_312
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    Jessica_312 Contributing Member

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    I have many acquaintances/people I hang out with on occasion, but only a handful of true friends. A friend, to me, is someone who has proven they have your back, someone who genuinely wants a friendship (not only when it's convenient for them). I've had to cut a couple of "friends" out of my life before - one was making fun of me behind my back. Nuh-uh, homey don't play that. LOL
     
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  3. Gigi_GNR
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    Gigi_GNR Guys, come on. WAFFLE-O. Contributor

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    Friends, to me, are the kind of people that you can just sit in a room with and have the time of your life. You don't have to talk or go anywhere or do anything -- you can have so much fun with just each other.
     
  4. Ashleigh
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    Ashleigh Contributing Member Contributor

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    I had a big group of people I called "friends", but in the true term I have absolutely no friends and never have. Not one. Not a single person to call a friend. Absolutely nobody knows me.

    Except one person, and he's my soulmate. So thank god for him, huh?

    I get sad when I think about the fact that the only "friends" I've had never knew me, didn't care to know me, and probably -no, definitely- b/tched about me. We lost contact when I went through a rough time financially and couldn't afford to go on shallow nights out getting drunk. They don't even bother inviting me to stuff anymore. I don't miss them; they're all as surplus as one another. I decided I'd rather be friendless than know I'm just a digit to fill up clubbing numbers for the sake of making them look popular. ;)
     
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  5. Clumsywordsmith
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    Clumsywordsmith Active Member

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    I use the term "friend" very, very sparingly. At the moment, not counting family members or romantic interest, I would say that I had a grand total of two friends. I have many acquaintances, many of whom might even go so far as to consider me a friend, yet I've never once referred to them by the title. And It really, really irks me when such acquaintances act as though I "owe" them some kind of due because it's "what friends do..."

    Yeah, I'm frequently informed that I don't "care" enough. Perhaps I don't. What matters to me is the simple fact that I care about the things and people I find to be worthwhile caring about, and the rest is not worth sprouting any new grey hairs over.

    I only friend facebook people that I have either met in person on several occasions and thus know more than just in passing, or people who I have met online and known for a very long time. I don't think I even have a hundred facebook "friends", and I'm perfectly content with that! Though to be honest, I don't think the usage of the term has really changed all that much in recent years. I could be quite wrong, but there have always been and always will be certain groups of people who take friendships very lightly, and those who prefer to focus upon quality as oppose to quantity.
     
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  6. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    I have plenty of 'mates' and a few very good friends. My 'friends' are very close to me, dear to me and I honestly care about them. My mates are people I don't mind going out with, playing pool with and buying me drinks, but I don't really care for them. If I'm going to be brutally honest.
     
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  7. mugen shiyo
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    mugen shiyo Contributing Member

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    Probably just sounds better than calling you my associate :p

    I think it's just generally better to call someone a friend as a courtesy, even if you don't know them.
     
  8. spklvr
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    spklvr Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well, I consider there to be a great difference between friends and close friends (bff!). I have many friends that I talk to at school, go clubbing with, etc. I'd never dream of ever opening up to anyone of them though, but I still enjoy their company. Then I have my close friends. One I have known since I was 10, and two that I met in middle school. One of them I don't even have any common interests with, but we can talk and argue for hours about nothing, and I can tell her anything. I don't think it's possible to have that many more close friends than two or three to be honest, but you can have a limitless number of casual friends, and I don't demand they will go through fire for me (or even just keep a secret), but I still think they are nice to have around. I'm a social person. My head explodes if I don't talk.
     
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  9. Eunoia
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    Eunoia Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think being a true friend means being there for the person without expecting anything back. You'll talk to them/hang out with them because you want to, not because there's no one else and/or they're the best person available at the time. You'll be able to trust them and open up to them. You can actually talk about real things with them. And you don't need to do anything extragavant to have a good time with them.

    I don't think I have any true friends, heck I'm lucky to have anyone talk to me at all. I can honestly say there's only one person I sort of trust to tell things to and consider a true friend, but I know I'm more dependent on our friendship than they are by a long way so perhaps not.
     
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  10. Gigi_GNR
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    Gigi_GNR Guys, come on. WAFFLE-O. Contributor

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    There's definitely a difference between friends and best friends. My friends are the people I hang out with at school, but would never hang out with after school or go other places with. My best friends are my school-and-everywhere friends.
     
  11. Pea
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    Pea super pea!

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    Imo friends are people you could trust with your life. Acquaintances are anything before that. Though I keep this distinction to myself and don't go around saying "oh, you're my acquaintance" blabla. Like extended family really.
     
  12. VM80
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    VM80 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Good points. I feel much the same.

    Facebook for me is mostly people I know in real life. I say mostly because there are a few exceptions, i.e. online friends who I've known a long time now.
     
  13. heyitsmary
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    heyitsmary Member

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    I had a lot of friends in high school, but not so much anymore. I can count on one hand the number of people I would still consider close friends, and most of them live far away, so I don't get to see them much. Therefore, most of my free time is spent alone. Which is fine with me because I like to be alone. But sometimes I do miss the camaraderie I had with people in high school, when we were forced to spend time with one another and had time to really talk to and get to know people. Once you get into the "real world," everyone mostly does their own thing and it's harder to meet up with people because you're all working, raising families, etc. and on completely different schedules.
    To me, a friend is someone you truly care about and would put the interests and well-beings of above your own.
     
  14. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think people abuse the word friend, but it has gotten to the point where it's social etiquette to introduce an acquaintance as a friend. I understand that; if you introduced someone as an acquaintance or an associate or whatever and only that, you might come off as, well, unfriendly.

    I generally try to elaborate when introducing people who aren't my friends as my friend. "Hey, John, have you met my friend/buddy/girl Jane? Yeah, she and I work together / met a few days ago / both know Jack."

    A real friend is someone who knows you inside and out, who can read your expressions, who cares about your feelings & thoughts & beliefs. A friend can take care of you when things get rough and also likes to keep things light and have a good time. A friend is someone who will drop everything when you need them and someone who makes you feel amazing and happy to be you but also is able to let you know when you're out of line. A friend is someone who likes, loves, appreciates YOU. A friend isn't just someone you go out and party with; he's also someone who can have just as much fun with you sitting around doing nothing on a Friday night. A friend values you as much (or more) as they value themselves. A friend is selfless.

    I can count my real friends on one hand. They're rare, but they're beautiful.

    In fact, I think people who I consider "true friends," I don't even call them friends. I call them family...
     
  15. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Why does friendswhip need definition? Love defies definition, and it too can exist on many different levels. In truth, each bond of love is different from every other.

    I think this is also true of friendship. There are friends you can open your soul (whatever that is) to, and there are friends you don't even particularly like most of the time, but when the chips are down, you know they'll have your back.

    Maybe all friendship requires is that, on some level, you open yourself to another -- entity. I was going to say human beings, but I have animal friends too.

    Definitions place boundaries. By delineating what something is, you also exclude something. I am perfectly content to leave certain things undefined.
     

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