1. OrangeRosie
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    OrangeRosie New Member

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    Hello out there!

    Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by OrangeRosie, Oct 15, 2015.

    I am OrangeRosie, but you can call me OR. Ever since the sixth grade, I've always written my imagination down on paper, notebooks, and every clean sheet of paper that comes into my view. But my journey was not to become a writer per se. I wanted to become a film director and watch those dazzling images come to life on the big screen-to watch parts of me come to life.

    Unfortunately, I chickened out of my previous major during my first year of college due to my shyness, and sided with a more...possibly quiet and less demanding major. I never finished my degree in English due to depressing reasons I do not wish to talk about.

    Because of my sudden depression (but I feel I have always had depression), I have fallen into the worst writing rut I have ever experienced in my two decades on Earth (a little over two). When I was a younger girl, I could write 20 to 40 pages of raw content in a day that would spew out of my brain along with rainbows, heavily wooded worlds and panthers...as you can tell I'm a little "out there," but I can better coupe with my depression by being a little fun a crazy. I like being my fun and crazy self! Now that life has kicked me in the rear, I can barely write a sentence or a word.

    Writing is the only skill I know and love. It is my passion, my calling, and I am seeking help now that I'm more outgoing. I thought I could write on my own, but my writing skills have turned sub-par at best. I am horrible at editing as well. My writings don't even spark an interest for me anymore, and I also suck at grammar. I barely even know some of the major rules and parts of a sentence...speech... *clears throat.* I. Am. A. Dreaded. Novice.

    And a prideful perfectionist. I hate failing and being criticized. I read criticisms as, "You suck. Give up and flip burgers already." I had Elementary school teachers literally slam graded tests and quizzes on my desk with a big red F, and I rarely got into trouble. When I did, I felt really awful, like crawling into a hole and dying. I am prideful in a sense of, 'I have the best pieces ever! My ideals are wonderful! I can see NY Times loving this! Yeaaaa!' No. As a matter of fact, I have a novel, I've taken a break from, and I don't know who my target audience are/is (whatever, it's late) *facepalm.* I've been writing for me, and only me. I won't even let people read my works for fear of being criticized and after someone reads my work, I don't return to it. Dirty eyes have foiled my precious works!

    I know this is all silly ...and depressing, but this is insight to what I have to reprogram. My pride needs to be kicked down and I am trying to destroy my procrast-I mean-my perfectionism. Not all feedback is harmful and my works need some serious doctoring-like, they are on the operating table losing breath. There is more in the past to give you guys more information about me as an inspiring writing, but I have to learn to bury that part of the past. I am willing to receive feedback, start from scratch, become friends with Grammar, and to be more humbling to my future audiences. It's not that I treat people like dirt-NO! I have, in my wild fantasies, assumed that everyone will love my works, and the only reason readers will turn on me is if I cook up some strong controversy through my writings. But no. Without readers, there is no writer; without a writer, dreams and imaginations are forever locked away...I gotta tweet this! I hope to meet you all soon, and make new friends! What an exciting progress! *cheers and skips away happily*
     
  2. Aerisfullofwhimsy
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    Aerisfullofwhimsy Member

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    It's not silly at all, I can relate. Also all writers have these same fantasies and if they say they don't then they are dirty little liars whose teeth will rot out with how rotten that lie would be.
    I have the same problem with people reading my works, but the only way to learn to advance your writing is through critiques. You learn so much. And if someone just says something is horrible without telling you why or how to make it better, then immediately disregard their opinion because obviously their interest is not on the caliber of your writing. I have had issues with teachers in the past too, I let them and other people discourage me from writing for awhile and the only person it hurt was me. Plus, I realized those people were jerks and most of them probably think that EL James will be the next HST or Jane Austen, so fuck them.
    I don't think your pride needs to be kicked down, I think it needs to kicked up and you need to realize that your stuff is good enough for critique and reading. Look, I'm not trying to flatter you but just from this post your writing is coming off as intriguing and full of personality. As a reader myself, this goes a long way. I truly look forward to seeing what you produce and share here.
    Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!:superhello:
     
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  3. OrangeRosie
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    OrangeRosie New Member

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    Thanks! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt or been through some of the same challenges. I've actually just started to come out of my shy shell just last year because I did not like the coy, stepped all over girl I was. I also like to share my honesty in my writings, things I've learned, and so much more. Hopefully, I start to bring up my game soon...perhaps start with some short stories before actually getting to the novel I was working on (my brain is recovering from...that...not really a mess but...o_O). I must crawl before I can walk; walk until I fly a jet...yea, that's how that saying goes now. It's really a blessing this forum is here :love:
     
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  4. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Hi OR!

    Welcome to the forum. Make sure to check out our New Member Quick Start for more information about the site. :) Sounds like you could benefit from feedback on your writing if you're having trouble with your pride. Even if most people loved your writing, there will always be some who are able to provide constructive criticism which forces you to examine the areas you can still develop. :)

    Have fun!

    -Kat
     
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  5. Morgan Stelbas
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    Morgan Stelbas Active Member

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    Hello OR,
    Do you know what my first reaction was to reading your intro?
    It was: "Get out of my head! Get out of my head!" Sorry, that's a line from a TV show I watched long ago that stuck with me.

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I've always had moments where I see my book on the shelves, signing the movie deal, and I have moments where I have destroyed my work from being so disgusted by its stupidity. When I was younger, that meant literally tearing up pages, whereas nowadays it's a simple delete button. I think the former way was more gratifying in those moments, but unfortunately, much more permanent.

    I agree with Aerisfullofwhimsy - Your creativity shines in your writing and I love your style. I too, am not formally trained in language, and I never even went to college, so you have one up on me, lol! I only know English as it's my mother tongue, but that doesn't mean I'm good at it, or have a huge vocabulary. I am in my thirties, and still have to google words... how pathetic!

    Also, I have gone through depression myself, so I totally understand the struggle. I couldn't write anything in those years, but don't let my example discourage you. I'm actually inspired by your example, because although you are suffering, you are still looking to reach out, to try, and that to me, is a step in recovery.

    Hopefully you get some ideas here and that allows your writing to come back more freely, to allow you to escape from your real life, at least that's what it does for me. Sometimes, when I write, I imagine I'm watching a movie unravel before me, and I don't even hear or notice what's going on around me... or maybe that's because of the headphones I have plugged in.

    Sorry this is so long, but I want to say that your words about yourself inspired me to reply, and I am eager to read your writing. Even if you don't think it's that good, I'm sure it's awesome!
     
  6. Aerisfullofwhimsy
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    Aerisfullofwhimsy Member

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    It's not pathetic, the fact that you go out of your way to look them up shows that you have the drive and curiosity of the creative writer. I find it more respectable to search out what you do not know than to go about your merry way comfortable with your ignorance.Also I want to say that paragraph you wrote could of been written by me, it describes me perfectly. You are not alone.
     
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  7. Masterspeler
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    Masterspeler Active Member

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    Hello OR, (You dont know how much I thought about that greeting, wanting it to be "original" only to revert to that, and just now as I type this realizing that, wait, this is part of the hello and therefor different therefor...)

    Ok, my fingers are catching their breathe now. So welcome from another new person without English training that is odd. I remember what you describe from my school days. I was shy, introverted, self conscious and all that, but...

    At some point I fell in love and it was grande. She was the best, and was going to be my last love, and...oops, that's a recording of what my stupid mind was thinking at the time. She dumped me after she found another schmuck for a visa. The lesson I learned was "fake it till you make it". She was uhm...a teacher...maybe of mine, maybe not, so it took some b...bravery to ask her out. Since then I pushed and become the opposite, so it can happen. I mean, I got so bad, (and still am, who am I kidding) that I can't walk, barely stand with a cane, and I'm still hitting on girls.

    Depression is a nasty business, and I don't think anyone gets it unless they went through it. But I did read somewhere, by people that if they didn't know, they sure sounded like they knew what they were talking about, that writers go through moments of complete confidence with their work, that it is perfection in font, to crippling self doubt, and in lieu of ripping up manuscripts, excessive uses of the delete and backspace keys.

    So, welcome to the show...

    P.S. I do ramble. In real life I'm quiet but in the tall dark and handsome way. But in type, boy do I type. Add meds to the mix and you get posts like this, were my only hope is that I'm not boring or upsetting, or getting the eye-rolls.

    AB
     
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  8. Morgan Stelbas
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    Morgan Stelbas Active Member

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    Aww, shucks, thanks!
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2015
  9. OrangeRosie
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    OrangeRosie New Member

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    Thank you everyone for your responses! It's really nice to have some support since I haven't had any in years. This is a really exciting step in the right direction!
     
  10. Erez Kristal
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    Erez Kristal Member

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    Hey Rosie, sounds like you have a lot going on your mind, or as most folks like to call it a mess.
    You need a change, new air, something different that will pump energy in your viens.

    I am no veteran writer, but I know what works for me. Save money and then go somewhere you enjoy, once you are happy with the results of your writing pass it on to an editor with good grammar. Grammar is my Achilles heel too, and I know that I will need an editor with great grammar before I can dare publish my novel.
     

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