1. architectus
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    architectus Banned

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    Help please. Problem describing something.

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by architectus, Nov 10, 2008.

    A couple is on the bed, holding each other. They are standing on the bed, but on their knees. How would you describe this?

    They stood on the bed, on their knees, embraced in each other's arms.

    That just sounds odd. I want to really paint the picture nicely.

    They kneeled on the bed, embrassed in each other's arms?
     
  2. marina
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    marina Contributing Member Contributor

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    If they're kneeling, it just means that their knees are down. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're sitting on their knees (you know, with the shins flat and the thighs flat as well). And they can't be both standing and kneeling--standing means they're on their feet. So, they're just simply kneeling.

    "They knelt beside each other on the bed..."

    or

    "He knelt beside her on the bed..."
     
  3. architectus
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    architectus Banned

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    Thanks, Marina. I've decided to go with this for now.

    They knelt on the bed embracing each other.

    I just think there is a better way to say it. I guess I don't have to paint the exact image I see in my mind. Everyone will see it differently no matter what.
     
  4. The-Joker
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    The-Joker Contributing Member Contributor

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    Kneeling on the bed, wrapped in a tender embrace, their hearts sang to a unified beat.
     
  5. architectus
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    architectus Banned

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    The Joker I like that, but it doesn't fit the characters. Tiff, a human is drunk off her ass, and Charlie, a vampire is taking advantage of her. Her best friend Julie just walked in on them, and this is how she describes them.

    In the dark room, Charlie and Tiff looked like silhouettes. The moon-lit window backlit their forms. They knelt on the bed embracing each other.

    Any more help is much appreciated.
     
  6. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    If they are both embracing and kneeling, it would be awkward and difficult to be in a sitting kneel. I would tend to assume the upright kneel by default.

    If you wanted to emphasize it, say "kneeling upright" along with "embracing" or "in an embrace" (sentence order may vary) Don't explain or emphasize the kneeling posture more than that - it's enough to clarify the position without nailing the reader's attention to it.
     
  7. Emerald
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    Emerald Contributing Member

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    Why can't they just be "embracing on the bed"?
     
  8. lipton_lover
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    lipton_lover Contributing Member

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    I was going to say you could use more "romantic" words for the romantic scene until you said what it really was. So now I say you've got the right idea, now you need to make it sound "gloomier" and more "evil". Word choice is important.

    "Why can't they just be 'embracing on the bed'?"
    I would agree actually, if the kneeling isn't important to the story take it out. But in this case I think you need it, if only to make this sentence a little longer. I think a short sentence here would hurt the story, IMO.
    Nate
     
  9. architectus
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    architectus Banned

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    Thanks, cog and everyone. Nate you are correct, I should perhaps use a different word.

    In the dark room, Tiff and Charlie knelt on the bed embracing each other. With the moon-lit window outlining their forms, they looked like still shadows.
     
  10. lipton_lover
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    lipton_lover Contributing Member

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    I like that much better... The moon shadow is a great bit!
    Nate
     

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