1. LMThomas
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    LMThomas Member

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    Help with a line

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by LMThomas, Apr 11, 2016.

    Hi, everyone. I'm a relatively new writer looking for advice on how to write a line. In the scene a girl is going into a guy's house who she met online (They've been talking for years). I'm having trouble expressing it:

    She couldn’t believe she was about to walk into a guy who she'd never met before's house all by herself.
     
  2. A.M.P.
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    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Supporter Contributor

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    Wouldn't the reader at this point already know she is going into the guy's house that she never met before?
    If you want expressive, go more into what she's actually feeling rather than a vague statement like "she couldn't believe" Is she stressed, is she fidgeting with her hair, what's she actually thinking?
     
  3. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    She prayed he looked even half as good as his profile picture suggested.
     
  4. LMThomas
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    Ah ok. That's good advice. I can just imagine the reader saying to themselves "Why would she go in there?" I almost feel like I have to explain that it is a weird situation.
     
  5. A.M.P.
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    There's more than one way to convey that sentence at the start of a piece without it being a flate statement.
     
  6. GingerCoffee
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    I think it would be more like:
    First person
    I can't believe I'm doing this.

    If you are writing 3rd person there are other ways to approach it.
     
  7. LMThomas
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    Ah, that's so simple and perfect! Thanks.
     

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