1. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Help with a phrase?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by jannert, Jun 28, 2013.

    Hi - Great tufts of hair yanked out of my head... I'm struggling to find a phrase to replace this clumsy one, which I've underlined. Any ideas?

    (Backstory - the character is back in the saddle again, after recovering from serious injury. Up to now he has experienced restricted movement and painful stiffness due to an extensive belly wound.)

    After a few days of making these undemanding trips upriver and back again, Joe’s colour had returned to normal, along with more ease in his body’s movements. Jessie’s anxiety about his self-imposed regime began to evaporate. Lee and Rob would not allow him to overdo anything, and she knew Joe was right. He needed to get his strength back and return to work.
     
  2. Shandeh
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    Shandeh Active Member

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    I think you're overthinking it a little :) I do that too. How about this?

    "After a few days of making these undemanding trips upriver and back again, Joe's colour had returned to normal, as had his ease of movement."
     
  3. maskedhero
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    maskedhero Active Member

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    Joe's colour had returned to normal, and he was able to glide through the movements.
     
  4. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    Morning [MENTION=53222]jannert[/MENTION] - It's early for me but...



    After a few days of making these undemanding trips upriver and back again,

    Joe's colour was resuming normalcy and his easing pain was evident in his movement.

    Joe's colour was resuming and it was evident from his movements his pain was at last easing.

    the flush in Joe's cheeks was returning with the ease of his movements.

    Joe's agility was coming back with his normal colour.


    Jessie’s anxiety about his self-imposed regime began to evaporate. Lee and Rob would not allow him to overdo anything, and she knew Joe was right. He needed to get his strength back and return to work.

    You mightn't like these suggestions but they may give you inspiration for something better
     
  5. circ
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    circ New Member

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    Joe's color and range of motion returned to normal.
    Joe began using his arm (or whatever) like normal, and color returned to his face.

    The word that leaps out to me as awkward is "undemanding." The editing pen is itching to strike that out.
     
  6. Sir Awesome
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    Sir Awesome Member

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    ...and he had gained back his agility
    ...and he had gained back his dexterity
    ......was becoming more nimble
    ......growing out of his disabilities
    ...movement became effortless again.

    I consulted a thesaurus, if that helps.
     
  7. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Wow. Thanks, everybody. Plenty here to work with!

    So is mine. Will do!
     
  8. blackstar21595
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    blackstar21595 Contributing Member

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    After a few days of making these undemanding trips upriver and back again, Joe’s colour had returned to normal, and he didnt have to move along walls anymore.
     
  9. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Actually that was what the poor guy was doing before he managed to get onto his horse again. Walking up and down the room, hanging onto walls. He's moved on a bit from there, since ...thank goodness. I hate doing bad stuff to my characters. (Still do it, though!)
     

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