1. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Help With Male Friendships.

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by ChimmyBear, May 19, 2008.

    God, I hope this is the right place for this question...

    Please guys...help me!!!!

    My story is strongly tied to a friendship between my MC, Jonathon; and the supporting character, Mike. Both are in their 30's, they grew up in the same small town and then drifted apart after College. The MC moved away to work in New York; his friend, Mike, stayed behind to bum around in Florida.

    Now here's my dilemma....Jonathon comes home and they reconnect through certain circumstances, but the relationship is strained. Mike and Jonathon are complete opposites. Mike is rowdy and viewed as irresponsible. Jonathon is an over achiever type, responsible, and has worked the same job for too many years. I should probably mention that neither are married.
    I don't want to dissolve the friendship but reconnect them. I need to know how do guys view their friendships and to what extreme would you go to save one? Is it realistic to even think that it can be saved? Help!
     
  2. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    I don't claim to be a typical male, if indeed there is such a beast. But I would do just about anything for a friend, male or female.

    I think that in general, a guy is slightly more likely to tell another guy, "I'm going to kick your ass if you don't straighten out your act."

    I'm not really sure exactly what you're looking for here. The question is pretty vague.
     
  3. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thank you so much, Cog!


    Okay if your friend were a total screw up and in trouble, how far would you go to help him out...bearing in mind your friend put himself in the situation?
     
  4. TenderHeart
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    TenderHeart Member

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    Ok - They are most likely to re-connect via tales of their glory days. The common factor will help them to relate and bridge the gap in their current lives.

    It would be the revelations of where they are now that would start to seed tension. However, never underestimate the crassness that guys talk to one another in private.
     
  5. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    It really depends. Some things, the best help you can give is making him face the consequences, but let him know that you only do it to get him on the right track.

    Other times, it may be better to help directly.

    But I'm not a big believer in falling on your sword for the other guy. You can usually only do that once, and it rarely addresses the real problem.

    If it means keeping silent, even if people are sure you know something and will press you to spill it, would likely do it, as long as it doesn't cause a greater harm.

    I've put myself in a deep financial pit before for the sake of a friend with a greater need.
     
  6. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thank you so much Cog....Okay, I wasn't sure if it would be believable, that this guy would put himself that far on the line for an irresponsible friend.

    I have just been exasperating myself with this...as a matter of fact I had tabled this story for over four months because I just wasn't sure what to do with them.
     
  7. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Watch some "buddy cop" shows, especially ones that feel "right" to you. They may or may not accurately reflect real guy friendships, but they probably aren't awful.
     
  8. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thanks Cog....not a bad idea...I'll try that.

    TenderHeart, I am so happy you replied so quickly...thank you...and you do make a valid point.
     
  9. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Don't overplay that. Not all guys are like that, and more and more guys will tell someone who starts talking that way to shut up.
     
  10. TWErvin2
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    TWErvin2 Contributing Member Contributor

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    I read the initial question, but none of the responses as I don't want to taint my initial thoughts.

    First, old friends would first focus on--discuss old times...adventures, people...funny things that happened.

    Second, males who are opposites with some aspects of their lives, can still be friends in others. Sporting events--fans of the same team. Being on a bowling team. Cars, raising tropical fish or having pet snakes, etc. All those things can form a bond, even a superficial one but links them with interests that opens the avenue for other shared concerns...trouble at work, loss of a job, death of a parent, even getting engaged.

    For example, I recall a college roomate who asked me once what I thoguhta bout he and his girlfriend getting married. I told him they'd be divorced within five years. He appreciated my opinion but didn't take my advice. He called, telling me 4 years and 6 months later from Texas, that I was wrong...by 6 months. We still joke about that, and depending on where he is living or where I am at, we slide back into being friends, even though our worlds and careers and experiences are completely different.

    Hope that helps.

    Terry
     
  11. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thank you Terry, anything advice you can offer helps....:)
     
  12. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    All relationships are complicated, but I think that relationships between men have an extra layer of complication because of cultural precepts about, well, about everything they do together.

    My viewpoint might be one that excludes me from the question, but here it is anyway.

    As a gay man, I can tell you that straight men are as capable of being caring, kind, honest, and compassionate with other men as anyone.

    Ever heard of a bromance? Not a romance, a BROmance. It is a completely different creature. I’ve had a few. I’ve had a few that continue to this day. It happens when, for some reason, for many reasons, a straight fellah’ just decides that he doesn’t give a s**t about what other people think and decides to befriend me in a way that would make many other guys nervous. There is NOTHING sexual or romantic about the friendship, but the conversations and concerns, and yes feelings, are deeper and more meaningful than the run-of-the-mill.

    Why with me? I don’t know. I’m not nelly. I’m just a regular guy. Maybe I just don’t come off as threatening.

    Anyway….

    My point is to remember that men are people too. They are human. Are they burdened with a bunch of extra baggage and costume and posing because of what EVERYTHING around them expects? Yes. But under all of that they can be sweet and caring and can actually love one another in a way that is genuinely beautiful. :rolleyes:

    No sex, honest! :cool:
     
  13. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Wrey...I have decided I am going to keep you...LOL!...hahaha

    That is the most beautiful thing, and the way you expressed it...sheer poetry. Thank you...you have given me much to think about and consider. I'm going to print that out and post it next to my character sketches. *hugs*

    Your honesty is greatly appreciated.
    You are a gift...:)
     
  14. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    *blushes*


    You're welcome. ;)


    You're pretty swell, yourself. :p
     
  15. Cobra517
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    Cobra517 New Member

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    I must agree with Chim, Wrey! That was an awesome explanation! You're very intuitive, indeed!
     
  16. silverfrost
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    silverfrost Member

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    Terry makes a great point. Maybe try focusing on shared activities--they seem to be the source of bonding in "stereotypical male friendships." I would have Jonathon and Mike discussing intimate matters (problems, hopes, concerns), but only when they come together for an activity that they both enjoy (ie- watching the game).

    By the way, I don't really think all men are like this or anything. :p This might work only if you're going for a typical kind of male friendship.
     
  17. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Silverfrost, I am already on it...I have been writing down some shared interests from college....that was a good idea! ;)
     
  18. Speck
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    Speck Member

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    Depends on how close we are. If we're best friends, I might help him. If it's illegal, I might not...especially if I'm any sort of a "goody-goody".

    I like the relationship between Nico Bellic from GTA and his cousin...who is always getting into gambling debts and thus...in trouble with mafia and such. Nico doesn't have to help...but he goes all out, as far as killing people, to protect his cousin.

    I think family is like that...most times, family will die for family. And if the two are as close as family, then your situation isn't unrealistic at all.

    It all depends on how close they are.

    Good luck with this.
     
  19. Xyphyx
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    Xyphyx Member

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    I've yet to find a friend who I wouldn't die for. But, for me at least, that's the thing. Dying seems relatively easy - I'd take it like a man and pass on. I have very few friends I'd live for and I married one of them. For these two distinctive individuals there's little I wouldn't do.

    I think that, even if seperated by a great deal of space and time, there's still a connection. They're still the only two who see the 'real' me. And maybe I'm being overprotective of myself. But there's no topic that's un-breachable. Conversations may start with, 'Remeber when...' but they don't remain in past tense for very long.

    For me anyways...
    -Xyphyx
     
  20. B-Gas
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    The main thing in this case is how the friendship got started. Girls, as far as I can tell, can make friends with anyone, anywhere, under -almost- any circumstances. Guys build relationships very gradually, and almost universally by doing stuff- working together, playing sports/video games, discussing philosophy. Talking isn't quite enough. Once friends, it takes a lot of damage to break a male friendship- and it can often be repaired through the mutual interest that started it.

    If you need to know about male friendships in one sincere move, watch Superbad. Wade through the porn discussion that takes up the first ten minutes, and you'll find probably the best portrayal of an opposites-attract relationship in recent memory. Except, perhaps, for Lethal Weapon 1.
     
  21. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thank you for taking the time to respond to my question...
    Speck, Xyphyx, B-Gas....I really do appreciate your input.....:)
     
  22. pippin1710
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    pippin1710 Member

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    I think the trouble maker mike should possibly be relving his glory days when the were both rowdy youth while jon has moved on. they both end up happy in the end but the readers decide who saved who did jon save mike from his scewed up trouble life or did mike save jon by re teaching him the meaning of love and fun.

    p.s. my own best friend and i went through a hardship were fists were thrown over a girl in which later i tried to rebuild it after breaking up with the girl. Although it seems that our friendship although strong will never be the same again but that girl made us go through stuff that made our friendship stronger by being able to endure it.

    feel free to use or change a bit if you like :)
     
  23. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    I am so sorry that I missed your post to my question...forgive me. You hit a couple of good points that I was really wanting keep real. BTW~I like the idea of just who is doing the saving.
    Thanks I will try to works with these ideas. :)
     
  24. Darkthought
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    Darkthought Active Member

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    In a situation like that, both of them probably need a little saving.
     
  25. Aurora_Black
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    All the way, me and my best friend have gotten into real sandtraps and we always do everything in each others power. Like one time, literally, my friend left his key in his house, and he has no fire escape (and his parents would'nt be home for a long while), as crazy life-threatening as i am, i scaled his two story house and climbed into the window, almost falling at one point.

    So as far as im concerned, anything up to life-threatening is my idea of a real solid friendship. Hope this help a tiny bit :)
     

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