1. Snoopingaround
    Offline

    Snoopingaround Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2011
    Messages:
    199
    Likes Received:
    16

    How Come I Am Not a Vampire?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Snoopingaround, Jun 3, 2014.

    I want to be a vampire. Not just run-of-the-mill. I want to be like Dracula, king of vampires, a Lord of Darkness. The life of Dracula, his mortal life was that of a warrior, he was a champion-defender of his people against foreign tyranny. He was an adventurer. He was a military genius and skilled fighter. He was a conqueror, an all-around badass. I am a night person. I kind of have fangs. I like to play with people's minds. But I am not immortal and I don't have special powers. There is something not quite right about this. What is up with this? I mean, I am willing to work for it.

    I want to have my own mystical fortress-palace complex at the edge of a precipice overlooking my vast gothic domain. I want to rule over innocent and naïve villagers, who will worship me as a demon-god. I want immortality. I want to have an army of undead servants. Also beautiful vampire mistresses who will service my every urge and who also serve as my personal bodyguards. Who do I write to to get this? Is this even possible? Why is this not happening?
     
    teeekilicious18 likes this.
  2. Garball
    Offline

    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2013
    Messages:
    2,846
    Likes Received:
    1,331
    Location:
    S'port, LA
    Have you tried craigslist.org?
     
  3. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,837
    Likes Received:
    10,015
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    Concentrate on all these things, these images, these places, these dynamics for 3 to 4 hours while sat in a lotus position. Your concentration must be absolute. Your mind must never never wander from these things during your meditation. In the last 45 minutes of your meditation, eat a handful of peyote. That'll do the trick. ;)
     
    sylvertech and Pheonix like this.
  4. thirdwind
    Offline

    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2008
    Messages:
    7,351
    Likes Received:
    2,891
    Location:
    Boston
    Playing Skyrim is about as close as you're going to get to achieving your goal.
     
  5. Simpson17866
    Offline

    Simpson17866 Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2013
    Messages:
    1,702
    Likes Received:
    1,252
    :confused: …What.
     
    GuardianWynn likes this.
  6. 123456789
    Offline

    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2012
    Messages:
    6,336
    Likes Received:
    3,084
    If you become a vampire, someone's going to stake you dude. Guarantee it.
     
  7. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,837
    Likes Received:
    10,015
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    Actually, with all the vamp-mania, I have to wonder if he wouldn't be kept as a sort of bizarre sanguinary "dairy cow" of sorts. I'm sure there's tons of other folks who would want to go the vamp route. My money's on him being held against his will and his blood sold to vampify first the rich, then everyone else as access to vampy blood becomes more commonplace. ;)
     
    jannert, sylvertech and 123456789 like this.
  8. EdFromNY
    Offline

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2010
    Messages:
    4,681
    Likes Received:
    2,534
    Location:
    Queens, NY
    Let me guess - you got downsized from an investment bank?
     
  9. Lemex
    Offline

    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    10,507
    Likes Received:
    3,151
    Location:
    Northeast England
    'How come I am not a vampire' - because you live in the real world? Not some delusional high school goth's fantasy world?
     
    outsider and jannert like this.
  10. Oswiecenie
    Offline

    Oswiecenie Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2012
    Messages:
    190
    Likes Received:
    48
    Location:
    Hy-Brazil
    He did all this without any supernatural help, which makes his mortal self much more interesting than this vampire stuff. Screw being a vampire or whatnot, do something heroic instead.
     
  11. Lewdog
    Offline

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2012
    Messages:
    7,530
    Likes Received:
    2,825
    Location:
    Williamsburg, KY
    I blame the government...that's what most people that don't have something want to do.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2014
    Lilly James Haro and Lemex like this.
  12. Lewdog
    Offline

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2012
    Messages:
    7,530
    Likes Received:
    2,825
    Location:
    Williamsburg, KY

    How ironic would it be if a vampire worked at Steak and Shake?
     
  13. A.M.P.
    Offline

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2013
    Messages:
    2,024
    Likes Received:
    1,125
    Location:
    A Place with no History
    That makes me wonder...

    You know how we have wiccans, pagans, and people who believe or want to believe they are something other than human? Also furries.

    We would gather all these people together and create a unified political party which aim is to restablish the proper place of supernatural creatures amongst mundanes and to promote positive lifestyles for those who aren't mundane.

    I bet if there was enough noise, it would actually become a valid political party that no one understands but is secretly worried a witch and werewolf will one day run America.
     
    Lilly James Haro and sylvertech like this.
  14. Lewdog
    Offline

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2012
    Messages:
    7,530
    Likes Received:
    2,825
    Location:
    Williamsburg, KY

    Nah, if the tree huggers can't do it with the Green party, there is no way some super natural party could do it unless they put curses on all the people they were running against.
     
  15. A.M.P.
    Offline

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2013
    Messages:
    2,024
    Likes Received:
    1,125
    Location:
    A Place with no History
    Strict No Cursing Others rule would be in place of course, to ease the mindsof the other political parties who might be worried about foul play.

    Green Party might not be all godly and powerful like the others but it's still in the game, isn't it? That'd be a huge step for soups everywhere!
     
  16. Wreybies
    Offline

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    18,837
    Likes Received:
    10,015
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    LOL :) Dude, Wiccans and Furries in the same dynamic category? :whistle::D
     
    A.M.P. likes this.
  17. Lewdog
    Offline

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2012
    Messages:
    7,530
    Likes Received:
    2,825
    Location:
    Williamsburg, KY

    Yeah some people love animals, some people worship them, and some people want to be them...AND Loooove them.
     
    Okon, 123456789 and sylvertech like this.
  18. A.M.P.
    Offline

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2013
    Messages:
    2,024
    Likes Received:
    1,125
    Location:
    A Place with no History
    Lol, it's the closest thing we have to fantastical creatures and they'd inflate the party numbers by a considerable percentage.
     
  19. Garball
    Offline

    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2013
    Messages:
    2,846
    Likes Received:
    1,331
    Location:
    S'port, LA
    Are y'all saying a third party victory is any less fantastical than vampires or unicorns?
     
  20. Pheonix
    Offline

    Pheonix A Singer of Space Operas and The Fourth Mod of RP Staff Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2012
    Messages:
    5,716
    Likes Received:
    401
    Location:
    The Windy City
    Well, I want to be a vampire hunter...

    Maybe we could work something out. :D
     
  21. minstrel
    Offline

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2010
    Messages:
    8,723
    Likes Received:
    4,821
    Location:
    Near Los Angeles
    You know, you can be a vampire hunter. All you have to do is hunt vampires. My guess is that you won't be very successful, though. ;)
     
  22. Garball
    Offline

    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2013
    Messages:
    2,846
    Likes Received:
    1,331
    Location:
    S'port, LA
    It's actually a little more difficult to become a vampire hunter than you think. There's all the training and certification. On top of that, vampire tags are lottery based and there is no guarantee of getting a tag (especially if you aren't European).
     
    Pheonix and minstrel like this.
  23. Garball
    Offline

    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2013
    Messages:
    2,846
    Likes Received:
    1,331
    Location:
    S'port, LA
    It may not be what you want, but your best option is to be a vampire poacher. Sure, it's illegal, but who's going to prosecute?
     
  24. minstrel
    Offline

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2010
    Messages:
    8,723
    Likes Received:
    4,821
    Location:
    Near Los Angeles
    Yeah, especially since vampires are not an endangered species. They're all over the place; you just have to know where to look. Coffin stores at night are a good bet.
     
  25. Lewdog
    Offline

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2012
    Messages:
    7,530
    Likes Received:
    2,825
    Location:
    Williamsburg, KY
    Vampires don't do their own shopping, that's what their human pets are for.
     

Share This Page