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  1. Marcelo
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    Marcelo Contributing Member

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    I just thought about this plot...

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Marcelo, May 22, 2008.

    I just thought about this plot a few hours ago. I have no names for the places and all that, but before I start developing this tell me if its unoriginal.

    In this continent there were many barbarian tribes who often fought one another. These barbarians were really savage, they were uncivilized people and natural warriors.

    One of these tribes, the (i'll be referring this tribe as conquerors) conquerors, led by Bob (no name yet xD) started expanding their territories, and using battle tactics and strategies the conquerors easily defeated the other tribes.

    Bob and the conquerors united the lands, and the barbarian lands became a Kingdom. Writing systems and many other advances were discovered, and the lands flourished. However (I borrowed this from Norse Myth) the Jotuns and many evil creatures often attacked the Kingdom, and so the Great Wall (I took this idea from China) was constructed around the Kingdom.

    However, the story plot lies many centuries later...

    The direct descendant of Bob, King Mike, has been fearful for years. He knows the two most notable noble families, the Lancasters and the Yorks (yes, the plot is taken from the War of the Roses) have wanted the throne as long as he remembers. One day, the King sucumbs to a mysterious illness (assassinated), and the Lancasters and Yorks start quarrelling over the throne. Their followers start fighting, they start paying mercenary bands and assassins to kill their enemies, thieves take advantage of the opportunity and start plundering towns and the Great Wall falls, leaving the Kingdom unprotected.

    One of the Yorks' spies discovers that a small kid living in a city is the son of Mark, the Legendary Mercenary (brother to King Mike) thus, being the rightful heir to the throne. They try to kill him, but is protected, hid and trained by his father's best friend, now the leader of the mercenary band.

    Along with the mercenaries, he plans to put a stop to the events unraveling in the Kingdom...

    Note: The names I used are not the ones I plan to use in the story...

    Whaddya think eh??
     
  2. Smithy
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    Smithy Senior Member

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    I would have to say, that while there is nothing wrong with it per se, there are a few problems, not least of which is that Wars of the Roses style fantasy has already been done superlatively by GRRM in A Song of Ice and Fire, and you would need to go a long way in order to best that. The Wall that keeps the creatures out also sounds uncomfortably like the Wall that guards the Seven Kingdoms from the Others.

    Second, apart from the fact that they have the stregnth to seize the throne, what reason claim do York and Lancaster possess. In the historical Wars of the Roses, the Duke of York rose up against the injustices that the realm had suffered under the reign of Henry VI and his crooked advisors, but he also claimed the throne through his descent from John of Gaunt, uncle to Richard II. The Lancasters on the other hand battled to preserve the rights of the King and the Prince of Wales. I suppose what I'm really asking is what is there cause for war?

    It would be better to say that the barbarians civilised first and then conqurered, rather than conquered and then civilised, as it makes more sense that way.

    The whole thing about the lost heir to the throne is getting pretty hackneyed, so you'd better have some good explanations for why:

    1. King Mike did not do his duty by the kingdom and get an heir and a spare of his own.
    2. This kid has been allowed to wander around doing his own thing as a street urchin. If I was a childless monarch worried about what would happen when I passed away, I'd have raised the boy to be ready to assume his responsibilities so that there could be a peaceful handover on my death.
    3. He is the heir to the throne and the son of a great soldier. Why does nobody know of his existence?

    I hope I wasn't too harsh, but if I hadn't said it someone else would have I'm sure.
     
  3. Kit
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    Kit Contributing Member Contributor

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    To me, this sounds like a wondefully well thought out story. There's nothing too unoriginal in there and if you work on a few of the more finer details, as mentionned by Smithy, I think that you'll have a very tight storyline and if written well, a successful story.

    Good luck :)
     
  4. Kratos
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    Kratos Contributing Member

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    It sounds very similar to A Song of Ice and Fire, which is a really great series. It's got the mysterious death (assassination) of a king, a wall that protects the realm from evil creatures (the Others), and political struggles between houses.
     
  5. Al B
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    Al B Senior Member

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    It's not particularly original, but given that there are only seven story types anyway, that's not a problem, so it would really stand or fall on how well you wrote it. But given that we've all either read, or at least been aware of such tales, your writing will have to be something pretty impressive to make it stand head and shoulders above the many pretenders to that literary throne, which is sort of ironic, since that's what your story is about too.

    If you want to write it, then do so, you don't need anyone else's approval to do that, just be aware that you're going to have to really do something special with it to make it stand out.

    Al
     
  6. Marcelo
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    Marcelo Contributing Member

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    Smithy, not to worry, I know when I make mistakes xD. While I have not read SoIaF, I know what the story is about, and maybe I got the idea from there. But as I said before, I have not developed the story yet, so I'll return with the honed plot some time later.

    However, I'm just 14 years old, and many of these stories I write are to develop my writing skills. I do hope I can be a great writer when I grow up... Thanks fellow writers!
     
  7. Ramblling
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    Ramblling New Member

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    if its too late to put in, id say its a kind of cliche. the lost slaving kid who's some how long lost heir to the throne that had somehow missed, i mean the queen of englands gonna have a baby and no one knows about it, believeable ay. The history is a cliche, no offense and so is the whole in the future, 2 opposing tribes trying to get the throne and all.

    but thats ok, im the same, just do my writting to develope skills and future ideas i can pimp one day, hopefully into a book. reminds me of gangask kan or what ever his name was...
     
  8. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Whether the plot - any plot - succeeds or fails depends on how well it is written. A good writer could spin a good story about a trip to the grocer's to pick up a quart of milk.
     
  9. Lucy E.
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    Lucy E. Contributing Member

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    It really all depends on how skilfully you write and how you handle the various plot points. The overall plot sounds somewhat cliché, but if you spent some time developing an original twist (for example, perhaps the heir could reign in another land, which is opposed to the land in question?)
    It all depends on how you handle the story.
     
  10. Marcelo
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    Marcelo Contributing Member

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    He's not the King's son, his father is the King's brother. When the King was unable to have a son, the King's brother left with a group of knights who had sworn loyatly to him and with his son. Why? Because he didn't want his son to pass most of his time inside a castle, or become spoiled (you understand).

    He's not going to become king, here's an example:

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "I-I am the heir to the throne?" asked Carlos awestruck, looking directly at Jason's eyes, as if to see if he was joking. When he did not stirred, he went on: "That's impossible, and if it was true I would never become King! I mean, I do not plan to be kept on a Castle."
    "And no one said you would," started Jason. "You're father didn't want you to be King, and neither you. There's no reason for you to be one, there are other ways to stop this bloody war."
    Carlos gazed at the sky. Fear and doubt filled his mind, fear and doubt on his abilities. He trusted Jason and the rest of the mercenaries' skills, but he knew he was just a burden.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    That's not part of the story, but that's the general idea. The names aren't those ones xD
     
  11. Marcelo
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    Marcelo Contributing Member

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    He's not the King's son, his father is the King's brother. When the King was unable to have a son, the King's brother left with a group of knights who had sworn loyatly to him and with his son. Why? Because he didn't want his son to pass most of his time inside a castle, or become spoiled (you understand).

    He's not going to become king, here's an example:

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "I-I am the heir to the throne?" asked Carlos awestruck, looking directly at Jason's eyes, as if to see if he was joking. When he did not stirred, he went on: "That's impossible, and if it was true I would never become King! I mean, I do not plan to be kept on a Castle."
    "And no one said you would," started Jason. "You're father didn't want you to be King, and neither you. There's no reason for you to be one, there are other ways to stop this bloody war."
    Carlos gazed at the sky. Fear and doubt filled his mind, fear and doubt on his abilities. He trusted Jason and the rest of the mercenaries' skills, but he knew he was just a burden.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    That's not part of the story, but that's the general idea. The names aren't those ones xD

    It is not so similar to SoIaF. There's no wall now, and altough it is still based on the War of Roses, it is at the same time different.

    Oh, and the enemies are a tribe of barbarians who escaped the conquest by travelling north, were they interbreed with Jotuns, becoming half-giant barbarians. These half-giants and the Kingdom fought one another for centuries, but now that the Kingdom is in a Civil War, the half-giants will launch their strongest attack against the Kingdom.
     
  12. Smithy
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    Smithy Senior Member

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    If he isn't going to be King, what is he going to do in the story?

    And wzf81005, what was all the shoe stuff in aid of?
     

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