1. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    I know all the points, but can't seem to connect them...

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by zorell, Aug 30, 2008.

    I recently began transferring a plot from my head onto paper, but I hit a roadblock.

    To give you the blurb, Alaska Malone (and yes, that Alaska) meets a man best known as "John Doe" (unless a specific somebody wants me to change his name). However, she first endures a relationship with Carlin. The realtionship spans over four years and includes most of the lows of Alaska's life.

    It's because the relationsip with Carlin is so important to who Alaska is when she meets Doe that I started my narrative where it all begins-Carlin and Alska's first date.

    Here's where I need help:

    I really want to be concise about their relationship because it's really just the prologue to the "good-stuff," but I don't want to skip over the mundane so that I can hit the important parts of the relationship such as the abuse and pregnancies.

    Is this a "wanting to have your cake and eat it too" kind of situation? Does anybody think they could help me bet at least a cupcake out of it all?
     
  2. Ungood
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    Ungood Contributing Member

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    I see no problem with wanting to fully grasp what you have before you.

    mundane does not need to be 'bland'.. perhaps they were high school sweet hearts or what have you. Like in Peggy Sue got married it is about mundane being the central role to life.
     
  3. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    Okaay, it's just that how can you curtly display the gradual change from Chivlry to Abuse? And, maybe mundane wasn't best, I just don't want to say something like "months went by with nothing happening"- life isn't like htat, everyday has its own little highpoint.
     
  4. Ungood
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    Ungood Contributing Member

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    It started off with just a slap when I burned dinner....

    That is a great way to start it off. It is not about "Time" but frequency.

    "...Then he started to slap me if I did not have dinner ready when he got home..."

    How often he hit her, why he hit her,

    "... or if I was not feeling good when he was in the mood..."

    how bad he hit her.

    "...Then he started to close his hands into fists when he hit me..."

    See how it builds, but you get the idea of time passing with out saying how much, but the implication is there and you see it thought events that are important.

    Hope this helps.
     
  5. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    It really does:)

    BTW, are you okay with JD? I don't want to use him without permission:redface:

    I've basically written up to the point of the date itself, the confusion wilted my umph.
     
  6. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    A great thing to show is how the man grows accustomed to what the woman does for him and takes it for granted. Then, when she doesn't do what he expects or is used to, his patience wears thin and eventually leads to violence (slapping, hitting, just what Ungood said).
     
  7. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    Thirdwind, I see what you're saying, but I'll let you in on something:

    He dumps her at a bus stop.
     
  8. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    zorell,

    I don't see what that has to do with what I said. Obviously I'm missing something.
     
  9. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    Yeah, and it's my fault, sorry about that. This is an adaption of Alaska Malone of Carnapolis.

    The link between what you were saying and my response is that Carlin leaves her there because she gets pregnant. He basically doesn't care and so there'd be no "taking for granted" if I'm correct -it's been a long day for me and I'm starting to lose track with larthargy-

    Would you like me to PM you the better explanations of this?
     
  10. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    ya sure go ahead and PM me
     
  11. Ungood
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    Ungood Contributing Member

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    if I was not cool with it.. I would not be giving you advice on how to work out your problem ;)
     
  12. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    GoodPoint:p

    I have to go hunt for the others' permission while I'm at it...

    DO you have any general suggestions? (You can add more after I post it up, but this is just for devlopment)
     
  13. Ungood
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    Ungood Contributing Member

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    What are you looking for?

    Perhaps a flashback type series from being abandoned back to when they were high school sweet hearts or something.
     
  14. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    They were never high school sweet hearts, if I wrote that in Carn, then it's one of the things I'm altering...

    They were set up by one of Alaska's friends. Pretty much general stuff since you (maybe) inadvertantly did half ogf the developing of Alma.
     
  15. Ungood
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    Ungood Contributing Member

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    Just tossing out an idea really.

    Had no clue to tell the truth.

    The idea is to reflect. You take a point you are at: IE: Stranded in Carn.

    and then look back at what led you 'here' then once you are 'here' you move forward.

    The heavy waves crashed against the boat as the young man clutched his cloak about his body to stay warm and try to protect himself. One of the sailer handed him a bowl of warm gruel.

    "I am akamad and things were not always thus"


    Just to give you an idea of how you could start it off.
     
  16. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    To be honest, that quote made no sense.

    Your directions did though, which leads me ack to "have your cake and eat it too." So, you're saying start back at the Hub? If so, I have revising to do because I started from where they met to begin with, she knows nothing of Carlin.
     
  17. Ungood
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    Ungood Contributing Member

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    It was the opening scene to the 13th Warrior. :rolleyes:

    You can. Just have here stand there, watch him leave and then reflect on the life she lived and choices she made that led here here and now.

    When you first started Carn she was angry and feeling rage as she walked down the road.

    She was reflecting at what happened, how things went like this.

    That is an ideal place to start your story and end the 'refection' as she arrives at the bar.

    You can even merge it in. Each step I take down the side of the road reminds me of a piss poor choice I made with my life. My first one was ......


    Hope some of that helps you as well.
     
  18. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    Now, that, that shines some light on me! What I can do is elaborate the time between Titan (the truck) and JD!

    I love when things click:D

    But I'm still open for suggestions, I have a whole story to write still, don't leave me hanging:D
     
  19. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    One more qquestion:

    Should i post the piece under Nove or Fan Fiction?
     
  20. Ungood
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    Ungood Contributing Member

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    That is a good question.

    I have no idea, I would say perhaps Fan Fiction as it is based on an RPG game.
     
  21. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    I'm getting mixed answers on that. BTW, an excerpt is posted in my blog.

    Some say FanFic because of the RPG element. Others say novel because it's very loosely based/focused on that particular element.
     
  22. Ungood
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    Ungood Contributing Member

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    Well the RPG itself could be considered a 'Fan Fiction' of sorts.

    I suppose in the end you could put it where you felt best.

    Like I said, I really don't know, just wagering a guess, but place where you feel it belongs.
     
  23. architectus
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    architectus Banned

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    Instead of saying, nothing really happened, point out the highlights. Those moments that stood out and added to the story, add to both of them changing.
     
  24. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    Thanks ya'll for your responses. I have actaully written the first draft of Kicked Out of the Toybox, if anybody is interested in seeing the current result:D

    Also, it could use some new eyes who haven't been watching it grow, so, if anybody is interested, I would be much honored with an in depth critique:D
     

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