1. Sapphire
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    Sapphire Senior Member

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    I need opinions.

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Sapphire, Feb 2, 2007.

    Alright, I've been having some problems lately that I haven't really been able to figure out. I have been very depressed lately because there is a lot of things that I can't seem to figure out. Coming from the people on here that are married or dating someone, it'll probably be very beneficiary.

    Well, one of my problems is that I am almost in complete denial that I am ever going to find someone that I will love for the rest of my life. I know I am only 15 (almost 16 in April), but I feel lonely all of the time. High School is almost killing me with all of the stress. Missouri is a very bad state, and I hate it. And the town I'm living in is not helping my situation at all. I mean...I have friends and stuff, but sometimes I feel like I can't trust anybody.

    Anyway,back to my other thing about love. I just feel that I'm never going to that special someone. I know I have college and whatnot, but I am believing that I just have a bad personality and I don't look attractive to anyone. I just feel alone all of the time, and even with my parents, it just doesn't seem enough. I am needing someone else to understand what I am going through, and my three best friends are all in different states (Illinois, Oklahoma, and Northern Missouri), so they can barely help me.

    I guess this is all just stupid teenage stress, but there have also been some other things in my life that have been crushing down on me, so this stupid thing isn't the only thing that's got me down in the dumps, so I'm not really going to go into that.

    So, basically, the whole point of this thread, and my story, is, do you guys think it is stupid to worry about something like that? I guess it's just me, but I have been depressed and worried about this for a while.
     
  2. Ferret
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    Ferret Contributing Member

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    The parts of your soul you refuse to recognize.
    Not attractive? Not attractive my ass, http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j4...89115015_l.jpg . I'm not gonna lie, there are more attractive girls out there, but, you're not to hard on the eyes.
    Having problems with trust...I've never had those problems...sorry.

    Just focus on the now, forget the future. It will always be there, waiting. Love can only be described as a bitch. Everything gets turned on it's head... That special some one is probably thinkg the same thing as you. Even if it doesn't happpen now, it will...with luck.
    Being alone in a crowded room...I would think that to be a normal feeling at our age...

    I can't say that worrying about this is stupid, when I stop and think it makes sense... I understand fuly what your going through. Life is just...hard at times, but for every up there is a down.

    I don't know what to say, honestly, I can relate to what your going through: I question everything now, which makes life difficult.


    If there is one thing I can tell you, just ignore the rest, Conformity is Death. Never forget that...
    -Enshala
     
  3. The Freshmaker
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    The Freshmaker <insert obscure pop culture reference> Contributor

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    You probably don't want to hear this, but you're fifteen. Count yourself lucky that you haven't gotten into all that drama yet. I didn't get my first kiss until I was sixteen, and I didn't fall in love until I was seventeen. I didn't get into a serious relationship until I was almost nineteen.

    The dating world is full of a lot of useless drama and bullshit. You're going to go through some dead-end relationships. You're going to run into some guys who want to use you or treat you badly, but hopefully you have a good enough head on your shoulders to get away from those relationships before they do damage. You could find true love tomorrow, or you may not find it until you're thirty. But don't rush it. That's the worst thing you can do.

    Sorry if this sounded depressing, but such is life. Just give it time. I guarantee you you won't be lonely your whole life.
     
  4. Sapphire
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    Sapphire Senior Member

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    That's exactly what I'm scared of. Loneliness and being alone for the rest of my life are huge fears...and I am almost beginning to start believing that it's going to be like that, despite any futile attempt.
     
  5. The Freshmaker
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    The Freshmaker <insert obscure pop culture reference> Contributor

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    What you need to do is stop attempting. Confidence is your greatest asset. You need to become comfortable with yourself as an individual, single, unattached. When you can be happy alone, then you can find fulfillment in a relationship.

    I know it sounds backwards, but it's true. People want confidence. Guys will want you if you're confident.
     
  6. Sapphire
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    Sapphire Senior Member

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    I think I can get that way eventually. I think it's just my appearance that makes me uncomfortable, and the realization that I am very shy around other people weakens me as well in that category. I have trouble getting out of my bubble and actually talking to people. But the problem is, I don't like most of the men in my school, and I have no desire to be in a relationship with any of them even if they asked me.

    But I know tons of people who are friends with people from other towns, but I am not social enough (yet...) to really know anybody from other towns.
     
  7. Vroom Vroom Daddy
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    Vroom Vroom Daddy Member

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    High school sucked for me too, but the good thing is that it is finite. So you can outlast if you just stick it out. I know that this isn't what you want to hear but just remember that there are always worst things that can happen to you. I know that what you are going through may seem unbeatable now but all you have to do is stick it out a little longer. Life after high school gets better, I promise!
     
  8. Sapphire
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    Sapphire Senior Member

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    Yeah, I have friends in college, and they said that college is one of the best experiences in their lives. And my best friend has a boyfriend that she met there...and my parents to keep telling me that I will find that someone in college...but I don't know. My parents met in high school...
     
  9. Vroom Vroom Daddy
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    Vroom Vroom Daddy Member

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    The old saying about the harder you look the less you find is true, I met my wife a month after I had given up on finding anyone. I saw her in a bar and 13 days later we were married, and that was three kids and two grandkids ago. Also don't look for Brad Pitt because looks fade, talk to guys that think like you because that kind of person will care for YOU. And let the rest take care of itself. Friends are longer lasting than grabbing on to someone because you're afraid of being alone.
     
  10. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    Okay. I have felt the same way as you. I am not kidding you. Over a month ago I never thought that any guy would be intrested in me. I'm overweight and possibly not the most attractive girl in the world. I pretty much figured that I would be an old spinster with an army of cats. Then I found someone out of the blue. And I'm 23 years old. I know that you feel alone. For me, Sure, I had friends and family but no-one that was mine. Teenage years suck. But they can also rule. I came out with some cool friends and I was told, and now believe that you will only have a handful of really true friends. As with being afraid of going out of your space, sometimes you have to do it. But make sure that you are always feel safe if you go to a party or something. It took until now for me to start going out to the pub with friends I don't know. What you have written sounds exactly how I felt. Trust me, you never know where you will find someone. I'm not a quallified counsiller or anything but if you need a stranger to vent to or talk to, feel free to PM me, okay? And who knows, somone cute might move to where you are and someday, you might just have to say 'bugger it' and ask if they want to go get a drink or hang out or something! (I was haveing panic attacks when I asked my BF out via txt mssging. thank god for mobiles!) and with bad personality? have fun. Smile at a stranger (unless they look really shifty! :D ) learn to smile at yourself! Pick something out about yourself that you like. Not what someone else likes, something about you that you really like run with it. This world is big and filled with various personalities, trust me, if we were all the same, I'd get bored, (that's why I crack non funny jokes to myself and live in my own world!) So remember, you are young. You will have time to have plenty of partners or maybe just a few. Remember, Pm if you need to vent or anything cause sometimes a stranger's opinion could be better than someone that knows you! :D keep smiling!
     
  11. Sapphire
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    Sapphire Senior Member

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    Thanks, it helps quite a bit. But the thing is, there's no way in hell that any cute guy would move to this town I live in. It has less than 200 people in my high school, and they are all major ASSHOLES. But, since I live in Missouri, I am going to Missouri's second largest college (hopefully!), and so I will probably find someone there, but right now, I'm already giving up on finding anyone, but there are always these times where I tell my friends that I feel alone and I wish I had someone, but then it just kind of goes away like normal.

    I guess I'm on my way of not looking around. But there is always that part of me that just wants to...you know, try harder.
     
  12. Ferret
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    Ferret Contributing Member

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    If I had to grade how much respect for you I had before reading that...I would give you a B+...now -A, notice the location of the "-"...
     
  13. The Freshmaker
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    The Freshmaker <insert obscure pop culture reference> Contributor

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    Cheer up, you always have Lite Brite.
     
  14. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    I am transfixed....

    As for Sapphire: I believe there is an ancient saying uttered by many people involving the undesirable consequences of evaluating the numerical specifications of the as-yet-unborn offspring of roosters. This is generally applied to assuming positive consequences, but it can go the other way, too: Don't assume that everything will be bad before everything has happened to you.
    Keep your eyes open, keep your mind open, and keep your social life open...something's gotta give.
     
  15. ItalianStallion
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    ItalianStallion Senior Member

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    Hey, I went through what you are going through, but the exact opposite. Im also 15 like you and have had similar feelings. I met this girl in school and I had never thought of being with her or anyone else becuase I thought why? She is probably going to end up dumping me, cheating on me, or something of that nature. I knew that the girls my age were not ready for what I wanted in a relationship and I accepted that. There was something about her that made me change my mind and decide to date her and see what happens. So we ended up going out. The first month was great, getting to know eachother better and having fun. Everyday, right as I got home from school I picked up the phone and called her. We talked intill we went to bed. I stoped hanging out with my friends and stoped caring about my grades.The bad part was, I wasn't even realizing it even when my parents said it straight in my face. I ended up fighting with my parents and becoming a "problem" child. I became an addict for my girlfriend. I had to know who she was with, where she was, what she was going to do, and when I could talk to her again. She became my life, and I didn't even realize it. In my head I thought I was going to marry this girl after high school and have a family together. We even talked about it together and what we were going to name our kids and where we were going to live, and if we were going to have any pets. As you can see I was set on this girl being the "one". I didn't care what my family said or even my teachers who were only tryin to help me. I just wanted her and that was that. I ended up not caring about anything in my life but her. Writing this now I look at myself with pity, but this is what was going on. I ended up in a deep depression because of all the fighting between me and my parents and became suicidal. In my mind she was the only one keeping me alive.I was in and out of hospitals and was feeling at my end. Well one night she called me and she said she wanted to break up. Just like that. The night before we were talking about how much we loved eachother and what we were going to do for our future. And Im at my friends house and she calls and just says that. I was shocked. She didnt even give me a reason. I begged her not to but her mind was set. And right before she hung up she told me she had been cheating on me. I was done. I had never felt so much pain in my life. I called and called and called but she didnt answer.I felt cheated,lied to,and betrayed. I told myself I had nothing to live for. I tried to kill myself that night. Im glad that my friend was there for me becuase he saved my life. I suffered after that. It took along time for me to move on.There were nights were I didn't get any sleep and just cried. I was with her for 9 months. Talking about it now just makes me glad that I moved on now and know what Im gonna do.

    I dont mean to tell you my whole life story, but all Im tryin to say is that maybe finding that person right now is to soon. I think that if your looking for that "one" right now no one our age will fulfill that need for you. I trust that when I am wanting that "one" again I will find her. You need to have faith in yourself. It's hard I know. And Im sure your very pretty and I already know your very nice. Don't let your looks bother you. I hope that I helped you and didn't make things worse. Would like to hear from you again,

    Nathan
     
  16. Sapphire
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    Sapphire Senior Member

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    Thanks, all. It really helped. At least I know that I'm not really the only person to have these feelings. I just thought they were immature thoughts of a fifteen year old sophomore.

    And Freshmaker, that really made me giggle about the Lite Brite. :-D

    (I did have Lite Brite when I was little...)
     
  17. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    Awww, I'm gonna cry now!!!

    And you know what sucks the most? when you have your sooky la-la fits (balling your eyes out and shouting WHY!) Is when you know that you are going to get over it!
     
  18. wordwizard
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    first of all- things change when you get outta highschool.Boys get with girls that were nerdy in school vice versa (not that your nerdy or anything) and it always seems like the way you were in highschool mean absolute dog butt once you get out. Things like that dont matter. You wil see soon enough. Second of all i hope you dont completely loose yourself with the next guy that comes along because he likes you. BE strong-things will work themselves out.
     
  19. Eoz Eanj
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    Eoz Eanj Contributing Member Contributor

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    It's interesting as I was in a similar situation as you.

    I was 15 and living a small mining community where there was only one high school and male adults consituted the main portion of the population.. so yeah I know what it's like to be in a place with a 'restricted' population, to be lonely and to be in the set belief that you're 'unattractive' and 'therefore will be alone forever' but really... it's not true at all.

    You will find someone, geniune.
    You will fall in love.
    And you will have a bloody good time doing so.

    Unfortunately all this takes time, alot of time.

    And don't I know it, I'm 17 and I'm only just discovering these things ... this after 14 years of being invisible to the male species, three failed relationships and the long, depressing period of time where my 'understanding' that nice guys don't exist, I'm unattractive and therefore I shall remain alone, took over completely.

    All in all, just keep the faith and have confidence. The more confident, up-beat and alive you seem to be the better and more comfortable you will feel with yourself and the more people will be drawn to you.

    In this world of lonely hearts- you're definately not alone

    Goodluck!
     
  20. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    I call it...

    TEENAGE ANGST!

    Dont worry about it for now your hormones are too crazy for you too acurately judge what love is anyway.
     
  21. Myst
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    Myst Active Member

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    You can shrug it off now, but teenagers (whether or not it is justified) see these "angst" situations as real problems.
     
  22. poetryliberates
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    poetryliberates Banned

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    You are who you are, thats all you can be. You are only young, you have a whole life of love and friends and heartache ahead of you. You know i remember being your age, and thinking all of those exact same thoughts, i think there is a time in every ones life when they will think those things at some point. but you need to realise that throughout life, you will meet so many people, and there will always be those who will break your heart and stomp all over your fellings at the drop of a hat. but you will come to realise that with every heartache you get, with every mistake you make, you will learn something from it, and you will grow stronger and you will be alot wiser. As for looks and personality, who honestly cares man, i mean sure have some self pride, but if people honestly cant see past you looks, then to hell with them. Be comfortable in your own skin, and be happy with your own company. There will be a day when you will meet someone you can truly connect to, but dont rush to get there..your young..live your life as if every day is going to be your last. and be happy.
     
  23. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    I am a teenager. Im just a teenager who realises that 'love' in a teenagers world is just a hormonal desire for intimacy with the opposite sex. It's not love. And, with all that said, Im cool with it, there's nothing I can do about it. Im young, and it'd be painfully naieve to go out and try and find 'the one' at this age.
     
  24. Myst
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    Myst Active Member

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    I suppose that is the realistic, or perhaps cynical view.

    How is it that you come into this said realization, that teenage 'love' constitutes but of hormonal impulses?

    And what do you expect of 'true love' then?
     
  25. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    That's the realistic view. Call me cynical if you like, but I call it realistic. As for how I've come to this realization, is that because it dies - if true love is what true love is meant to be, it wont die. If love at all is what it's meant to be, it doesnt just die once the person(s) in question get over it. I was with a chick for like 7 months and it was good we had some fun times and then one day she just broke up with me. Why? Because teens get bored. We're all too...jumpy, if you like.

    As for what "true love" holds I have no idea. I dont care at this stage.
     

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