1. MLM
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    MLM Banned for trolling

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    If you had a time machine

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by MLM, May 2, 2014.

    Pretty simple concept. You can change something in the past. Your past, world history, the beginning of time, even. What would you do if you had a chance to use a time machine? I'd go back and change all my internet handles to "PresidentSatan".
     
  2. Okon
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    Okon Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'd go back and stop myself from using the time machine. Problem solved.
     
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  3. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I'd go back to the beginning and keep God from taking the seventh day off. 'Cause if he'd put in a bit of overtime, he might have finished the job properly and things would be lots better now. Like, we wouldn't have disco or Barry Manilow, and E would equal MC cubed, because that way we'd have more energy. Also, shit wouldn't stink.

    :D
     
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  4. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    I would go back to May 2, 1519, and steal da Vinci's notebooks after his death. How awesome would it be to have his notebooks in your personal library? Really, really awesome.
     
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  5. T.Trian
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    T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I'd go back almost a decade and prevent a bad thing from happening with the help of a crowbar and a knife.

    Then I'd probably go back a few years more and slip the younger @KaTrian a note that yes, I do exist, and that she should look me up (the note complete with contact information and proof that I'm her future husband).

    I'd also probably jot down a list of my biggest mistakes and slip it for my past self with some proof that it's me from the future leaving the note.

    Lastly, before stepping into the machine, I'd check a few past lottery numbers, write them down, and hand them to my past self along with the dates of when to buy a ticket.

    That's about it, I guess.

    Oh, and I'd tell my past self to buy a Glock 19 Pro instead of the HS (turns out the Block is a more natural pointer for me and fits my hand better than the 1911 grip angle, which is really weird but true).
     
  6. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Scare myself. Win lotteries to afford tank+ rail gun. Enjoy the 80s.Find Monica Belluci when she was 20. Fund Tesla. Check out Rasputin. Tank vs medieval army. Buy a night with Cleopatra. Start two thousand year old religion. Sex with first human. Tank vs T-Rex.
     
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  7. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Go back to 1974 and give a different answer.
     
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  8. Slade Lucas
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    Slade Lucas Member

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    Darn it, got there before I had a chance...

    Probably go back and make the dinosaurs extinct or something. It's something that would have no negative repercussions because it actually happened and it'd be pretty cool to be able to say "You know the extinction of the dinosaurs? Yeah that was me."

    Not that I take any pride in the mass extinction of a whole species...
     
  9. NateSean
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    NateSean Active Member

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    Two words: Lottery Tickets.
     
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  10. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    I'd go back to 1968 and tell Alice McDermott (yes, that Alice McDermott) that I'd be right over, look for me in the black Chevy.
     
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  11. Marcus Burzum
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    Marcus Burzum Member

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    I think I will be a time-tourist. I will visit the Rome at the apogee of the the roman empire. I am will also watch the Thermopylea battle between the Persian Empire and Sparta.


    And after this I will go back to the 80's to start my own 3 Dimensional games company.



    123456789 , You definitively have the sense of fun! But what kind of tank will you use? Panzer second world war tank or Modern stealthy tank?
     
  12. stevesh
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    stevesh Banned Contributor

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    Go back to the appropriate times and figure out some way to prevent the whole idea of religion from developing.
     
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  13. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    First, I'd go back to December 2008, that first time I went to hospital with 'pneumonia' and tell myself to stop being a cretin, business isn't more important then health, and stay for the CT scan. I'd spare myself from several lung clots and a lot of grief and years of recovery. Then I'd go to 7th September 1998 and stop myself from keeping a certain appointment, and gave myself proof of why I must never see a certain man again. I would probably spend at least five years travelling to various points in the past, supporting myself, emotionally and psychologically. I'd help myself see what things are important and what aren't, listen to what I wanted rather than doing what everyone else wanted me to do. Oh, and I'd make myself go to the police in 1990 instead of buying someone's pathetic excuses.

    When I sorted myself out, I'd probably spend the rest of my life taking out all the violent misogynysts that shaped our past into such a nasty and violent world, and from my actions a legend would arise, that whatever man hurts a woman or a child, or conspires to harm the innocent in any way, will die a horrific death.
     
  14. T.Trian
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    T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I could tag along for that one and I'm pretty sure @KaTrian would be up for a good rough-and-tumble adventure as well. :D

    We'd need a few semi-auto rifles (I'd say in .308, like quality AR-10s to allow those 1000+ yard shots) with good, adjustable, illuminated scopes (for the late-night hunts), pistols (for close encounters), red dots for every firearm, a truckload of ammo (we could have a jeep, a big van like a Dodge Ram, or a class C motorhome [whatever we pick, ought to be old enough not to have computers in it] and haul the ammo in the largest trailer we could find), spare parts for the vehicle, a tank truck full of gas (we could hide it in a cave or some such and just drive back when we need a refill), armor (something like this) plus all the everyday stuff we'd need (like first-aid kits, medication, camping gear, sanitary stuff, knives, axes, lighters/matches etc), bikes for when we run out of gas (how badass would it be to ride a bike in full riot gear? And, of course, we could always get horses, like proper chargers), and a guitar for me to noodle on and pens and notepads for writing when we're not killing witch hunters. Did I forget anything?

    This would actually be a fun premise for a swashbuckling novel: The Time Crusaders vs. the Misogynists of the Past!
     
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  15. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    I just read that Yogi Berra's house in Montclair, NJ is for sale. His wife of 65 years passed away a few months ago, and Yogi himself is 88, so the sale is to be expected. The article didn't say, but it's obvious that his next home will either be with one of his children or some retirement community. As I gazed at the photo of the house - a stately structure built in 1902 - and read comments from one of his children about what a warm and welcoming place it always was, I had a vague sense of loss. It's like every time I see the film "Driving Miss Daisy", when they're standing in the empty house after she's gone to the nursing home, and you're left with the sense that something vital once happened here and now it's gone. Or the final episode of "Upstairs, Downstairs", when Rose goes from room to room in the now-empty 165 Eaton Place, hearing echoes of the past.

    I had something of a similar experience a few years ago, when my in-laws had both gone into a nursing home, standing in their empty house - furnishings gone, my father-in-law's paintings, the grandfather clock near the front door, the andirons in front of the fireplace; the soiled and stained carpets gone, termite damage repaired, walls repaired and repainted, new windows, newly finished hardwood floors. We had just sold the house, paid off their reverse mortgage and managed to salvage a little of the proceeds within the confines of Medicaid eligibility rules. Like Rose, I found myself thinking back to moments gone by, fully aware that there were many to which I had not been privy or even told about in the 55 years they'd lived there. It reminded me, as the Berra piece today did, that I live with a constant nagging at the edge of my consciousness that my time, like everyone else's, is finite, shrinking, and I still have not completed what I set out to do. I live in a kind of indistinct dread that the time will come when my family is cleaning out my things, and I will have left things undone.

    I mention this because, while my initial response to this thread was light, it could have been much different. There are numerous points in my life I think of as trigger points, or decision points, and it's tempting to think that correction, perfection, is a mere time-machine jaunt away. In my mind, I see myself at 15, seeing my father in a state mental hospital where he was allegedly being treated for the alcoholism that had driven him on two occasions that I, personally, knew of to try to take his own life. My mother and I sat in a makeshift meeting area, trying to have a conversation with him and failing, his oft-times difficult nature lost in the fog of drugs far worse than his worst alcoholic stupor, his arm in a sling because he'd recently separated his shoulder in a bad fall, while lead paint peeled off the cinder-block walls and steel doors of the fortress-like structure. I wanted to tell him to hang in there, that he'd come through all right, that I knew he'd get better. But the words wouldn't come. I couldn't lie. No one could possibly "get better" in such a cold, heartless, uncaring, empty hell-hole. And when the visit mercifully ended, I ran out as fast as I could. Two weeks later, my father was dead.

    And the truth is that all the time-machine visits one can imagine would leave me just as powerless at that moment as I was in April of 1969. And maybe going through the agony of those years was preparation for what came after. Maybe the good things that happened in my life and my mother's life were worth it. When I got out of college, I took a job I grew to loathe in claims administration for an insurance company. But the knowledge I acquired there proved invaluable to me when I later went into tax work, and it informs my advocacy now, as New York is pushing care for the developmentally disabled into managed care. So, as much as I may wish I hadn't stayed in that first job, maybe I needed to.
     
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  16. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    @T.Trian : That sounds awesome, but before we set off, I need to make something clear. I'm wearing this ni chang.jpg :D I'll also have wicked crossbow and kung-fu skills and evil hair.
     
  17. Garball
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    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

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    If the universe is infinite and you tried to go back to the beginning, would you be stuck in the time machine forever?
     
  18. rhduke
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    rhduke Contributing Member Reviewer

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    I'd have to go back a decade and stop my mom from slipping in the grocery store. Yeah, family life would be a lot better had that not happened. As for me, I'd go back to before I started post-secondary, kill my past self and take over his life so he doesn't make the same moronic mistakes.
     
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  19. T.Trian
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    T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Staff Supporter Contributor

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    @jazzabel, I'd imagine that dress would get caught in the bike wheel spokes but maybe you could fly since we all know kung fu experts can fly. :D Kat and I can be the tactical practical gun nuts. :cool:
     
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  20. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    i'd stop evolution before it got to humans and make sure no life form ever acquired free will...
     
  21. Garball
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    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

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    There was a time in elementary school when I forgot to take my Flash Underoos off and wore white shorts. I didn't realize this until too late.

    If I had a time machine I would go back and make fun of me too
     
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  22. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Yeah, when you're old and already got to enjoy life yourself. Real sweet of you, Maia.
     
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  23. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    @T.Trian : I so knew you're gonna say that :D Basically, both the hair and the dress are evil, and can move, grip and worse on command. I can't fly (that's just an illusion, all I can do is leap pretty far when I fight) but I'll be riding a horse and using a bow and arrow, so it'll work. I can be a reconnaissance and then you and @KaTrian can come in guns a-blazin'. I'm also a healer and even know where elixir of youth can be found so if anyone gets messed up, we can probably fix that too ;)
     
  24. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Lottery, of course.

    I don't regret much, but maybe I'd also go back to encourage myself to focus on the 100m sprint just to see how far I could've gotten.

    I'm on board! Man, woman, child, I don't care which sex or age the abuser represents.
     
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  25. T.Trian
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    T.Trian Overly Pompous Bastard Staff Supporter Contributor

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    @jazzabel, excellent! Every fightin' party needs a healer, so now all we need is, well, the time machine. Then again, if it's also a vehicle like in Back to the Future or Chrono Trigger, we wouldn't even need a vehicle of our own, but horses would definitely add some cool to the quest.

    @KaTrian, that reminded me: I would've gone to meet my 6yo self, coerced, bribed, and tyrannized him into starting junior judo and boxing as well as to compete in swimming when I started it at 9. Not really competing in swimming was a mistake especially since even the coach thought I would've done well in 25m and 50m freestyle distances. Oh well...


    ETA:
    Give us younger generations a chance to fight the windmills. Maybe if enough of us do it, we might even bring down a few. :cool:
     
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