1. Xerclipse
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    Xerclipse Member

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    Introduction Lore

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Xerclipse, Apr 21, 2016.

    How is this for an introduction Lore or exposition to my story? Is there anything missing or crucial information you think should be edited as an exposition.

    Paragon, the solar system colonized by humans in the distant future. The five colonized planets Helios, Artemis, Gaia, Theron and Icarus had become their own government. Helios became a big facility to maintain and control the star. The other four planets had resources for the universal trading system. Artemis had the drugs, Gaia had the oxygen, Theron had the minerals, and Icarus had the gas based energy.

    Unfortunately a war broke out due to greed and the desire to control the universal trade system. The war was known as the Supreme Wars. At the war’s 50th year, the Artemis was the most victorious after slaughtering refugees at an Icarus camp and using the Helios cannon to fire at Theron.

    Only one foreign creature capable of using magic was capable of ending the Supreme Wars: Methias. He used the souls of the Artemis soldiers to create an army of new life forms called Phantoms. Methias ended the war by forming the Unity, a federal government of Phantoms and humans, to keep peace among the Paragon. The Unity build a giant ring that kept the four planets close together while orbiting around the star. They also built androids called anatomics that serve humans as personal assistants but actually serve the Unity as their primary purpose. However, the price humanity had to pay to end the war was to sacrifice their children to Methias for souls to create new phantoms. Some people wanted to protect the children by forming the Insurgency.

    Fast forward 20 years later, it’s now up to one anatomic named Adriel to get the sociopathic and sadistic superhuman Gram to work for the Insurgency. Once she fulfills that duty, they have to find the all knowing deserter phantom dragon, an AI who can open the Helios gate, and kill Methias once and for all. Their task comes with great challenges such as greedy bounty hunters, bloodthirsty phantoms, Unity soldiers, an expert Unity pilot: Val Kyra, a crazy swordsman named Jak Grimm, and Methias himself.
     
  2. IHaveNoName
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    IHaveNoName Active Member

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    What purpose do the Phantoms serve, and why does he have to keep making more? Do they waste away/burn out?

    Also, "a giant ring that keeps the planets close"... you mean that it keeps them more or less aligned in their orbits, right? It could be taken to mean "they're all clustered together like satellites orbiting a planet", which would be a very bad thing.
     
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  3. zoupskim
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    zoupskim Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think the idea and setting is interesting, but agree there needs to be some reason for Mathias to make more phantoms. Even something like "No one knows why." would be better than nothing.
     
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  4. sprirj
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    sprirj Contributing Member

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    If honesty is the best policy, then I stopped reading by the third paragraph...sorry
     
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