1. Lia
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    Lia New Member

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    Is it unrealistic if a female character falls in love with a transgender male?

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Lia, Dec 28, 2012.

    (Please keep reading, I would have made the words in the title come out better but the limit didn't let me)
    I just wanted to know if it seemed too outlandish if one of my female (heterosexual) characters (not a main character but still I mention her past because she is already around 50 when the story starts) is mentioned to have fallen in love with a friend (born female) she had since childhood, who, when they reached puberty, started to have questions about his gender identity and told her he wanted to be referred to with male pronouns and be considered a guy. Supposedly, when they become teenagers she starts to feel attraction towards him. I would like to know what you think, because I like this idea but it seems a bit weird because they had met when he was considered by both to be a girl.
    Thanks in advance! :)
     
  2. Selbbin
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    Selbbin I hate you Contributor

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    I think it's fascinating. She could have formed a strong bond as close friends while both identify as female, but as the masculine elements take over in one, feelings of that close friendship start to change also. This could be quite confusing and cause her some serious internal anguish, especially during puberty. The heart and mind often fight. It's realistic because all sorts of relationships and attractions occur in our society, and friendship forms a very stable platform to develop love.
     
  3. Tanner05
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    Tanner05 New Member

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    I agree with Selbbin. I like the idea, could make for a really interesting read.
     
  4. Em_Anders
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    Em_Anders Member

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    I think you should go with it. It doesn't seem outlandish at all to me because one of my earliest writing exercises involved a man who was half-way through the transgender process to becoming a woman and was experiencing 'her' first ecounter with a recently divorced woman. I've always had an interest in the more uncommon relationship dynamics, and transgendered people are still considered uncommon enough that I find their relationships intriguing.
     
  5. nhope
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    nhope Contributing Member Reviewer

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    Remember too (well, not sure how old you are so you may not know this yet) that you change your opinion on things as you age. The feelings she felt toward her friend as a youth - love, acceptance - may have altered during her last 40 years based on the events of her life. Maybe resentment that her friend had the courage and strength to stick to her conviction where she did not, or her own child (?) having the same experience.

    A great story line and you can take it in so many directions.
     
  6. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    I don't think it's unrealistic at all.

    Be a little careful here, though. Most transgender people say they have always felt that they were really the opposite gender, and that tends to come out in their interests they have as children. The character might not be totally interested in typically "girly" things, and that could be something that your female character finds interesting. It's not something that all of a sudden someone "discovers" when they hit puberty. It is possible, however, that they were fighting it and trying to deny it, and then accepted it when they hit puberty.

    Of course, if this part of the story takes place 40 years ago, the transgender person probably would have been trying mightily to hide it. You could show that there was disapproval by adults when he wanted to wear short hair, dress in pants, run around outside a lot -- what was always considered a 'tomboy,' since it was always worse for boys who liked 'feminine' activities than it was for girls who liked 'masculine' ones.

    I think the story is full of potential and you could have something really interesting.
     
  7. blenderpie
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    blenderpie Member

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    I don't think it's outlandish at all. Human sexuality is entirely too complex for something to truly be "out of the question." People aren't one or the other. For instance, I identify as a heterosexual female. But, if Scarlet Johanson was like "let's be romantically involved" I'd be all for it. I don't think that a woman who identifies as a straight woman having romantic feelings for a person who identifies as a straight male (regardless of one's genitals) is all that strange, even if she knew that person as a woman. That person would have felt he was a man that whole time, her just changed his downstairs to match.

    Also, as chicagoliz said, most people who identify as transgender have known from a very young age (two is when a lot of children have been reported as saying they are the opposite gender). Chances are, this characters parents punished that behavior and it would have meant many years of struggle.
     
  8. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    One thing that you have to be careful about is generalizing. I agree with Chicagoliz that many TG people express their interests as children, but there are many who overcompensate by being as firmly identified with their birth gender as possible, especially if a parent feels the child is "in danger" of being too much like the opposite gender. Young TG people are often confused and conflicted about their gender identity. So, your story idea will ring true if done properly.

    A lot of TG people have very serious self-esteem issues (and if you peruse TG fiction sites, you will see what I mean), and so the possibility of a childhood friend being supportive would be greatly welcomed, and I can definitely see that being the basis for more of a romantic involvment. It is important to remember that gender identity and sexual orientation are two very different and separate issues.

    Good luck.
     
  9. MilesTro
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    MilesTro Active Member

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    Love can be strange sometimes. It is possible for a girl to fall in love for a transgender guy. If they still have a strong bond between them, their relationship will change and probably become very close.
     
  10. HuggsX3
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    HuggsX3 New Member

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    Transgender means that you are born with both female and male parts. So, you should not use the word transgender. The word is transexual. 1 out of every 100 babies is born transgender, so that could offend a lot of people. Using that word wrong also makes transgender people look "bad".
     
  11. HuggsX3
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    HuggsX3 New Member

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    Transgender means you are born with both female and male parts. So, if they were born with only one, they are called transsexuals. But, in a lot of cases transgender people a have it "corrected" while still a baby. If the parents choose wrong, then they will have problems. A lot of them also are never "fixed". So, they basically just have to choose one or the other.
     
  12. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    This is not correct. You are talking about people that are sometimes referred to as hermaphrodites, or more correctly as 'intersexed.'

    Transgender and transsexual are synonyms. People who are transgendered don't usually have ambiguous genitalia or otherwise have reproductive organs that are found in both sexes. Many people with intersex conditions are not easily categorized as either male or female, although from the outside they may appear to be one or the other. Although it is possible for someone with an intersex condition to be transgender, it is not typical and it is very rare. Most people who are transgender have only one set of reproductive organs that are consistent with one gender, however they feel that they have been born with the wrong ones.

    It's also not correct that "most" have it "corrected" or "fixed" while they are babies. There is a wide spectrum of how obvious the condition is, and it is not always apparent when people with this condition are babies.

    I am assuming that the OP is intending to write about someone transgendered. It would be important for anyone writing about any of these conditions to understand them.
     
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  13. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    My understanding is that, in common usage, "transgendered" is an umbrella term that covers everything from occasional crossdressing to sexual reassignment surgery. "Transsexual" is a term that usually denotes someone who has chosen to live full time as a member of the opposite gender. Some use it exclusively to denote someone who has had SRS, but this is incorrect.
     
  14. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    There doesn't seem to be widespread agreement on the specific usage of transsexual versus transgender, although they are overlapping and close to synonymous. Regardless of the distinction between them, however, Huggs' definition is absolutely wrong. Transgender and transsexual both refer to someone identifying with the gender other than the one they were 'born into.' It is different from intersex/ambiguous genitalia.

    The children I have encountered who are transgendered are referred to as 'transgendered,' although that could be due to a disinclination toward using the word 'sexual' with respect to children who have not yet gone through puberty.
     
  15. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    Yes, agreed.
     
  16. thewordsmith
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    thewordsmith Contributing Member Contributor

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    It's been done.
    NO! I'm not taking cheap potshots at your idea. Actually, the fact that it has been done makes it a wonderful story idea.
    No. What I'm saying is that there actually IS a transgender couple that made headlines because the male partner retained reproductive organs in order for the couple to have children. There are a lot of couples less publicized than the aforementioned duo who are fully aware that one partner is transgender and surgically "corrected". So there is a very viable story in your idea. Good luck with it!
     
  17. Lia
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    Lia New Member

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    My transgender character isn't surgically changed. He simply considers himself a man. By the way, I have thought about it and decided to make him think of himself as male since childhood. I am pleased to know you all approve, thanks!
     
  18. blenderpie
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    blenderpie Member

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    To become a candidate for a sex change operation (in most states) you must live as the opposite gender for at least two years (after the age of 18), be taking some sort of hormone treatment for a certain length of time, and be working with a psychologist/psychiatrist for most, if not all, of that time. So, it wouldn't be uncommon depending on your characters circumstances.

    Also, if testosterone supplements are taken for a length of time at a high enough dose (as they would be for someone aiming to live as the gender that does not match their genitalia), your character would have a deep voice, facial hair, and the clitoris can grow long enough to have penetrative sex. (Am I allowed to say that since it's in medical terms?) Just something to keep in mind and research on.
     
  19. M2013
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    M2013 New Member

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    I think that is a very interesting scenario and would love to hear more about it!!! Not unrealistic at all. Who ever says love has to be followed in a certain path for everyone!
     
  20. jenna_benna
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    jenna_benna Member

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    As a transgender (or more specifically, transsexual) woman I love the idea of trans* people being included in stories where we're not used as some sort of cheap freakish trick but rather as the genuine human beings we are.

    I would throw in there for anyone interested in this subject that sexual preference does not have anything to do with gender identity (I just noticed in further reading that EdFromNY also points this out). I like women and always have, whether in the past when I was in a "guy guise" or now when I am seen and treated by the world as female. I like women and that hasn't changed. I've been with my wife for 17 years and we made it through my transition intact and with both of us happier than we've ever been. When it comes to sexual preference it's really all over the board, just as it is with cis (biological sex\gender, non trans*) people. There are of trans-women who like men, trans-men who like women, trans-men who like men, trans* people who are asexual, pansexual, bisexual, and all sorts of other interesting combinations.

    Basically, if you're writing a story that includes gender diversity as just one more example of the many facets of life instead of something that's "crazy" then I think that's awesome. :)
     
  21. Wilmeister
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    Wilmeister Member

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    The story sounds interesting, nothing wrong with it
     
  22. Apollo.
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    Apollo. Member

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    No. It is a good concept. Keep going with it.
     
  23. SuperVenom
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    SuperVenom Contributing Member

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    It happens in real life, plus in your novels and stories you can have your charters fall in love with anything. In 'Flowers in the attic" the author looks into the relationship of brother and sister. But the way to make it seem realistic is in the writing. If it's not handled correctly it can cause you issues.
     

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