1. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Kissing

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Tenderiser, Nov 16, 2015.

    I hate kissing. I have a weird thing about saliva and it does nothing for me and yuergh.

    This doesn't help when I'm writing my characters' first kiss. It's a big deal in a romance novel and I want to make it good. So, please help me - what makes a great kiss for you?

    :blowkiss:
     
  2. KhalieLa
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    KhalieLa It's not a lie, it's fiction. Contributor

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    Can you give us more background?
    I have two first kisses in my work. One is between a whore and a man banished and stripped of title because of too many scandals involving far too many serving girls. The other is between a pair of 13 year old boys who have yet to understand their own sexuality. Obviously the approach for each was completely different.

    And I like kisses.
    I don't think the issue is what is going to work for us, but what will work for your characters.
     
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  3. I.A. By the Barn
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    I.A. By the Barn A very lost time traveller Contributor

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    One that is done out of longing and love rather than passion, I hate these kisses in the middle of arguments, with very often one thrusting his lips on to the other who stands there for a few seconds like what is happening and then dives passionately in.. I just love it when a romance is built up, and everything is fine between the two kissers, perhaps one is upset about an external factor, one kisses the other on the cheek perhaps? Then the other draws them to the lips, it is done with agreement and decisiveness. But then again I've never been kissed, its just what I like to read or watch.
     
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  4. Selbbin
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    Selbbin I hate you Contributor

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    Tough. It's different for everyone. For me I like kissing if tender and warm. A softness. Other people (like my ex) really like to be overwhelmed and dig their faces together, hurting your lips, wrestling tongues like they want to grab it and pull it out. Some bite lips to the point of blood. Others gently nibble, which can be nice. Pecks are boring and worthless.
     
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  5. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Well, I remember when I was like 12 and constantly fantasising what it might be like to kiss someone lol. I wasn't consciously aware that that was the case, but every time I wrote a story and my characters kissed, I'd spend an entire paragraph detailing how I imagined it might be like.

    Anyway - the whole tongue thing does nothing for me, which actually means I don't do it at all lol. I just kiss the lips :) Never understood why people like the tongue? Books always describe it like "The taste of his mouth" and "ran her tongue over his teeth" or some such and it's just like... eugh. And seriously, it tastes of nothing. If it tasted of toffee or something I might be more eager :D

    Having said all this, you're really writing the idea and not the actual thing, if that makes sense. That feeling you get when you finally see your two beloved characters kiss on screen (or in narrative). Write whatever you have to to conjure that feeling - and to do that, I'd imagine whatever you have to that comes close to it :) In the end you're really describing feelings - the physical act and therefore its details, unless you're going for something erotic - hardly matters.

    But anyway, if kissing isn't really your thing, why linger on it? Rather linger on something else you'd personally find romantic and powerful. There's no reason why a kiss has to be that important.
     
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  6. BrianIff
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    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

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    I have to learn to compromise. I'm more like your ex' style, but yeah, unless there's something uniquely sensual about it, I'm going all Alien.
     
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  7. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    How much detail to you really need for kissing? If it's a romance, just get to the thrusting.
     
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  8. BrianIff
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    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

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    Yeah, I heard that those books are, like, 400 pages of softcore, no talking almost at all; but if there is talking, it can help your game.
     
  9. GingerCoffee
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    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    Read some romance novels for the kissing descriptions that appeal to you as a reader.

    I think characters that can't wait to rip their clothes off (seems to be a frequent movie trope) is seriously overused.
     
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  10. BayView
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    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    I agree with Mckk to focus on the emotions/sensations rather than the mechanics. Actual kissing, if described in detail, is likely to seem gross/absurd. And most of your readers will have kissed people lots of time and have their own preferences, so if you put in too much detail you risk hitting a "that's not how I like to be kissed" issue that could take them out of the story.

    So is your POV character nervous? desperate? calmed by a feeling of inevitability? taking charge or tentative? Figure out that part. Focus on the whole body, not just the mouth/lips. What are the hands doing? How close are they standing? What do they say? etc.

    I hate writing sex scenes or anything leading up to sex scenes, but I think it helps to look at them as characterization opportunities rather than how-to manuals.
     
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  11. Inks
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    Inks Contributing Member

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    Kissing is wonderful fun, but then again... I am weird. Did a bunch of kissing at age 5 - a sweet girl told me about it and I got into this phase where I kissed a bunch of other girls...
    Haha. First more romantic ones... age 11.:supercute:

    What makes a good kiss? Tenderness, softness, and friction. Though I love to kiss and have plenty of other favorite spots... earlobes, nape of the neck and well... armpits... Do not ask me to go into it too much, but there are plenty of ways to get good reactions without going to the naughty bits. Its all in the gentle touch, a little suction and flick of the tongue against the skin. A puckered lip is perfect and often faintly sweet. Though I really do not like getting all worked up and having those icky long saliva strands.... ewww.
     
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  12. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    I'd say non-aggressive kissing is the biggest turn-on. And the slow approach. I've seen screen kisses that make me go 'yoiks' because they are all sudden, devouring, etc. Blurk. I think the trick is to start very gently, exploring, seeking, not demanding. It's a getting-to-know-you thing. The demands come later on, when you're both worked up and ready. But to have somebody suddenly dive on you and stick their tongue in your mouth? Erm... No. That's invading your space a bit too forcefully, in my opinion. You should get there in the end, but slowly, at a mutual pace.

    I think kissing is its own activity, and if you give the impression that you're too eager to get to the next step, you probably won't get to the next step!
     
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  13. GuardianWynn
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    GuardianWynn Contributing Member Contributor

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    Allow me to use a story to summarize my position.

    An internet critic was attempting to make fun of a song. Attempting, as in failing because he realized he liked the song, in spite of thinking the band sucked. In the song, the singer mentioned that him and a girl danced to the best song ever, and yet even minutes after he can't recall what the song was. So the critic said the following.

    "Oh best song ever, but can't remember it? I think you opinion of the song was biased because you were dancing with a hot girl! And that is.... completely reasonable. Damn it. I think I like this song."

    Point being. I don't think kisses are good or bad based on aspects of the kiss(tongue or not) I think the best kiss, is the one that had the most meaning to the one who received it. In my own experience. When my girl wanted to kiss me, it gave me a sense of being wanted. "She wasn't just dealing with me. She 'wanted' me." The feeling of being wanted is a special feeling.

    So, if you want special kiss moments. I think it is better to focus on why it is special, rather than try to make it special. Also feelings. Many people probably feel like I just described but many may have never thought it out like that. So there is a value in using feeling. Warmth, butterflies, nervous? Excited. Awesome? Again. I think you will get a lot further by just implying it is special and saying why it is special rather than trying to make it special.

    Also, you don't have to use kisses. You don't like kisses. I am sure you are not alone. What do you like? Maybe show that too. As a way of cutting down on kisses. ;)
     
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  14. Selbbin
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    Selbbin I hate you Contributor

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    I love kissing. My only handicap is that there aren't many women around that like kissing me back. :(
     
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  15. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    What do your characters like? What are they like? The way you describe it would largely depend on that, I'd wager. Me, I like kissing (my hubby). All kinds of kissing, even the yoiks and blurk kind. There are all kinds of good kisses your characters can experience. Tender and careful and less handy ones. Or a full-on, aggressive, teeth-clashing, xenomorph-on-your-face kind of lick-fest. Maybe the key is attentiveness, regardless the physics of the act. And with attentiveness comes communication. If your character kisses someone who's more experienced, the more experienced party might be good at reading him/her and would actually make it a good experience. Then again, maybe the first kiss isn't the highlight of their romance, maybe it doesn't have to be a big deal? It could be mundane. Oh, this was it? And then it's something else that really ignites the flame between your characters? You could write that kiss the way you experience kissing 'cause I don't think it's all that common in romance. There are so many other romantic things, after all.
     
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  16. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Thanks all! Lots of great tips and I've read all your posts, but just picking a couple out to answer points.

    I'm not planning to spend pages on it, but it is a big deal to a lot of readers, most of whom will enjoy kissing. So I'd like to capture something of what makes it enjoyable for you people :D

    It's romance, not erotica. ;)

    And to clarify further, the first kiss is not leading to the first sexy times. It's just a kiss, so no pouncing or tearing off of clothes or trying to eat other's faces. It's emotionally charged but not with lust. I actually found the one in my first novel much easier to write because it was the natural culmination of a day of sexual tension. Still didn't lead to sex though.

    I have no problems with writing all of that stuff, it's the actually swapping saliva bit I struggle with.

    Maybe that's the answer, as a couple of people have said - I can capture what makes kissing nice without talking about any of the mechanics of it. I'll do that :superidea:

    Still don't understand why kissing is nice though
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2015
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  17. Imaginarily
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    Imaginarily Disparu en Mer Contributor

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    *licks you right on the face* o.o
     
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  18. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Maybe it's like beer: you can't really explain why you like the taste of hops and not everyone actually likes it, but it's still universally regarded as awesome? :p
     
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  19. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I'd rather have a pint than a snog :D
     
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  20. Imaginarily
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    Imaginarily Disparu en Mer Contributor

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    I don't like beer. o_O

    Guess I'm not part of this universe. :cry:
     
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  21. KaTrian
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    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Omigod, what's next? You don't like coffee? You're missing out on the UNIVERSALLY AWESOME!!

    Nah, just kidding. ;)

    I know you like cats, so there's still hope for you.
     
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  22. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I've met people who hate beer, coffee and cats (though the latter are now buried under my patio) but nobody else who doesn't like kissing. There must be some out there... right?
     
  23. Imaginarily
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    Imaginarily Disparu en Mer Contributor

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    Actually I don't like coffee. :whistle: I've been told I'm no fun. It might be true.

    Note to self: @Tenderiser buried cat-haters under her patio. Understandable, but still... Don't forget this, self.
     
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  24. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    You and me both! Let's make our own universe!:cheerleader::cheerleader:
     
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  25. Tenderiser
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    Tenderiser Not a man Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    *whispers* I don't really like alcohol full stop.
     

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