1. AuThoRiZe(Life)
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    AuThoRiZe(Life) Member

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    Lost in writing

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by AuThoRiZe(Life), Jan 15, 2015.

    Hello everyone ! Here is my struggle : I'm not a native speaker of english, and im only 20 years old.Do you think im capable of writing something decent ? Story or a book idk...I do it mostly for fun and maybe if i finish it one day i might try to publish it or something ...I'll post a few paragraphs of what i've done so far and please tell me your opinion.Do you think i'm doing good job so far ?Is there anything i need to correct ?Any advices,ideas etc., I'm newbie and recently i didn't even know what is the difference between fiction and fantasy.As for the plot - i have the basic idea,but im not really sure what im doing lol.So the basic idea is that i will have one bad guy who wants to destroy this dimension of elves,humans and other races.Do you think every chapter should end mysteriously - i mean the reader will be curious what's about to happen next and keep on reading ?Thanks all in advance.


    Chapter 1

    It was past midnight.Rain was pouring in the realm of the Five Gods.Shanyrria could not fall asleep,despite liking the sound of the rain drops.All she could think about was the recent events - how her father,the king of the white elves had departed this world and his last wish : to keep that bright ruby he gave her protected and not let anyone else use it.But what was that ruby and it’s purpose ?Her father hadn’t have the chance to tell her after his sudden death.Well..’’morning is wiser than evening’’ - she thought,and then she closed her eyes gently.

    The realm of the Five Gods was a place where the white elves lived and always have lived.It had gotten it’s name before 25 000 years - when the Five Gods descended on this land and protected this race in a bloody battle against the corrupted ones and their leader - Zane Shadowwalker.He had brought tens of thousands unholy creatures to kill and destroy everything that breaths.The much more smaller army of the white elves had no chance and would’ve else been mercilessly wiped out unless their Gods helped them.The god of life(name1 female)fought Zane using her bow to shoot hundreds of arrows towards Zane.However,his skin seemed impenetrable untill one of the other gods stuck his axe up his head and cut it off.Then all the creatures left the battlefield and no one have ever seen them again.Afterwards the Gods healed the land,gave indication on how to rebuild everything and start life anew.Or at least the legend says so.

    -Wake up!Wake up !Wake uuuuuup !! - Shanyrria’s younger sister Ialantha kept shouting.-In the name of the Five,what time is it ?-replied with annoyance Shanyrria.-It’s already noon,Shanya.And by the way our uncle,who’s succeeded our father wants to see you.-Fine,I’ll go. - mumbled Shanyrria.After that she slowly got out of her bed still half-asleep.her prolonged white hair,bright and alike a full moon in a cloudless night was a mess.It was the first thing she fixed.In fact,it was always the first thing she did as soon as she woke up.Shanyrria’s skin was pale,her eyes - lovely yellow color.They were also positioned on the exactly same range apart from the nose,which was small.She was not very tall for her kind,but her hair was not the only thing that could distinguish her as her figure was thin and elegant,and her face - pretty.A fairy tale beauty - you would say.She put on her slippers and went downstairs where her uncle had waited for her to wake up.

    -,,Morning,Uncle Eldar.’’ - blurted out Shanyrria.-,,Morning,Shanya..Did you sleep well ?’’ - asked her uncle in a calm and deep voice,staring through the window and thinking.Although elves did live longer than any other race,around 2 millenia,except magicians,offcourse,Shanya’s uncle and the current leader of the elves Eldar The Moonwhisperer was quite old and and soon had to be replaced by fresh strength.He had many wrinkles on his face,and chestnut long hair,fixed in a rattail as he did not like it swinging back and forth.-,,Er...yes.Ialantha said you wanted to see me.What’s the matter?’’-,,I have a task for you.I need someone whom i can trust to go to a convocation in the Valley of Kings to meet with them humans...This race is so arrogant,and so foolish.One day you might succeed me and you have to learn to cope with any situations - difficult or not.What do you think ? Do you want to go ?-,,Yes,i don’t mind to go.It’s all so boring here in the castle anyway.But i have a questions,what is the purpose of this meeting,uncle ?’’ - she asked with sparks in her eyes,curiously.-,,Very well then.I shall send somebody with you,maybe more than one,you know...just in case.You shouldn’t travel alone.The road isn’t safe enough.As for the reason - I,myself,don’t know.It wasn’t mentioned in the letter that i received yesterday from humans’ king - King Jorden.You have to set off tomorrow.I’ll organize the rest.’’ - he answered her as he turned slowly to her,with hands behind his back.

    The elves were experts in cures,magic and were renowned for their longevity,wisdom and last,but not least important - their unique eyes.Every elf when born had different color of the eyes - red,black,green,blue etc..As concerning battles and strategic planning - they were not the most qualified,but they were trained and if it came to battle - they would know how to react,nevertheless they did not like fightning and were a rather peaceful nation,who wouldn’t kill even a fly unless necesarry.Elves loved nature and had always been its protector.They also used it to drain magic,but not for harm.Most of the times for cures.This is the kind of people the were.
     
  2. Shadowfax
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    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

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    Firstly, well done in writing something in a language that is not your own. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to write something worthwhile, although you may well have more of a struggle to find the right words than a native speaker would.

    There are a couple of basic issues that you're repeating often enough to suggest that nobody has ever put you right on.

    1/ The personal pronoun "I" is always capitalized in English.
    2/ It's conventional to have a space after the full stop.

    I haven't got a lot of time at the moment, so I'll come back and critique your work when I have.

     
  3. AuThoRiZe(Life)
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    AuThoRiZe(Life) Member

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    Thank you. I knew the rule for the capital I,but I'm just not used to pay attention for this rule while writing on the computer. I didn't know about the conventional space after full stop. Thank you again. PS : In this thread my work's a bit messy concerning ''new paragraph'' after direct oration because when i copied it from my doc file it just turned out to be like this.. idk why...All spaces just perished.
     
  4. Komposten
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    Komposten Insanitary pile of rotten fruit Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I just want to add that there should be a space after every type of punctuation mark ('!', '?', ',', '.', ':', ';'. etc.).

    I should also mention that if you want to post your work (even an excerpt) to get critique on your writing you should post it in the Workshop, but first you need to meet the Workshop requirements. You can find all the info you need here: New Member Guide
     
  5. AuThoRiZe(Life)
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    AuThoRiZe(Life) Member

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    Ohh okay.Thanks for your comment.I checked newbies' guide.2 weeks is a bit long time tho.
     
  6. Komposten
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    Komposten Insanitary pile of rotten fruit Staff Supporter Contributor

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    It's kind of a way to filter out people who only come to the forum to post their story and then disappear forever. I'm pretty sure that if you hang around for a few days you'll soon see those two weeks fly past. :)

    And meanwhile you can continue writing and expanding your story while also getting to know this community a bit more.
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2015
  7. Shadowfax
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    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

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    Another couple of requirements before you can post is that you perform 2 critiques of other people's work, and that you make at least 20 posts. Again, to get rid of fly-by-nights. Do the critiques honestly and that's another couple of days gone by!

    If you're not comfortable critiquing other people's work because it's not your native tongue and you're not confident enough in your own grasp of grammar, concentrate on things that transcend language. Did you like the story? Did you believe the characters? Did the descriptions put you into the scene, so that you could envisage that dusty old café? Or did the descriptions go on, and on, and on...?

    Even those of us who aren't experts on writing have some experience in reading, and some idea of what we like. I read a piece recently which had some merit, but I didn't enjoy reading it, the subject matter was just too dark and depressing for me. I repeat, for me. A lot of things here are just personal opinions. If enough of us have the same opinions, the same likes and dislikes, then publishers will pay attention and publish books that reflect those opinions.
     
    AuThoRiZe(Life) likes this.

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