1. Chachi Bobinks
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    Chachi Bobinks Senior Member

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    Love story between a regular kid and a rock star, needing to not be too lame, please.

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Chachi Bobinks, May 3, 2011.

    I have a character who gets involved with a musician. He is well known but she has never heard of him, and when he goes out in public (which is how they met), he tries to hide his identity to keep from getting mugged. I worked out how to plausibly have them meet and even go out on dates without the gig being up. She has no idea, he gave a spur of the moment made-up name when he realized that she didn't recognize him, and they went from there. He is taking EVERY extreme to make sure she doesn't figure it out later as well. For example, he has to go make appearances = he has a sick mother abroad that he has got to take care of immediately. She invites him over for supper with the family = he has the flu. She tries to take a picture of them together for her facebook = he's afraid of cameras and ohhhh, didn't the whole 'having a picture of one's self at a young age' thing screw Dorian Grey in the end?

    Now, I'd love to know what you guys think about that. I'm afraid that my boat is going to float straight down corny island with people crying "What is this? Hannah Montana for grown-ups?!" That is completely not my intention.

    Ideas? Thoughts?
     
  2. KillianRussell
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    KillianRussell Contributing Member

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    As the vehicle for the songwriting of Walter Becker and Donald Fagen, Steely Dan defied all rock & roll conventions. Becker and Fagen never truly enjoyed rock -- with their ironic humor and cryptic lyrics, their eclectic body of work shows jazz, traditional pop, blues, and R&B. Steely Dan created a sophisticated, distinctive sound with accessible melodic hooks, complex harmonies and time signatures, all a result of a devotion to the recording studio and a hatered for the limelight.

    No sure if this helps but an intersting aside, nonetheless
     
  3. wicked_poppies
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    wicked_poppies Member

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    To be honest, I’m not loving it. His ways to keep her from finding out are weak and seem like obvious lies. She would know he was lying about something unless she was really, really naïve. Don’t get me wrong, the story could work, I just think you should take a different approach. If someone told me those obvious lies, I would be mad, and dump them. How old are your characters, btw?
     
  4. Chachi Bobinks
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    Chachi Bobinks Senior Member

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    Sorry, I should have addressed that exact concern in my post! Oh no, she totally sees through it. That is actually how the entire thing blows up. The traveling part is completely plausible as he is not from her area. People have to go and tend to sick family members often. He will only get away with other excuses so many times, though, before she gets suspicious. The relationship will be nothing serious at all until after he gets honest with her. Does that make sense? When you first start casually dating someone, you don't keep tabs on them.

    Without explaining that, I can see how that looked really, really wimpy! My apologies!! :)

    She is 21 and he is 23.
     
  5. Chachi Bobinks
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    Chachi Bobinks Senior Member

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    Thank you!!
     
  6. wicked_poppies
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    wicked_poppies Member

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    Well, just because he's well known in another country dosent mean that he is here, so it's possible she could not know he was a rock star of sorts. Hiding that from her would be easy if he's not well known in the USA, or wherever..... But I think for his lies to be more beliveable, they need to be smaller.... like, instead of saying he's got the flu, say he just isnt feeling well. If his mother is sick enough that he's leaving the country to care for her, then he wouldent leave untill she was well, which would take some time. He wouldent leave to care for his mother who had a cold. The only way to explain why he's back quickly is that she died, which is another rather large lie. But you're 100% correct.... when you first start dating, you dont keep suck close tabs..... but why is he lying to her anyways, because if he realy likes her, he'll have to tell her eventualy.
     
  7. Chachi Bobinks
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    Chachi Bobinks Senior Member

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    Very good point - thank you! Smaller lies would definitely be a lot easier to buy. Or maybe he could even go with the simple "I have to work tonight, sorry" excuse? She might not question that too much either. I didn't even think about that! Maybe he claims that he is a computer tech (and possibly at least knows a thing or two about computers) who is on-call and works on-site, meaning he'd be without an office she could visit or anything like that?

    My reason why he is lying, which could change more as his character evolves, is because of what happened when they met. Their eyes locked and there was this genuine attraction. As soon as he realized that it was happening without it being because he is Big Rock Star or whatever, he wanted more. He likes the fact that she appreciates him and wants to be around him because of who he really is. His on-stage persona is half him, half PR. Around her, he gets to be 100% him. He knows he'd have to come clean once it gets serious but has a very come-what-may attitude about it.

    By the way, another question if you don't mind. When she finds out, I want her reaction and feelings about it to reflect the fact that it is so outlandish in the first place. You know, this entire plot of a hidden rock star is pretty out there. It wouldn't just happen under normal circumstances. She is going to agree with that completely. I envision her being like "...you cannot be serious. This doesn't actually happen to real people in real relationships outside of the fantasies of a 14 year old fan girl. Seriously, what?" What do you think?

    /long winded
     
  8. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Forget agonizing over the concept. Whether it is lame or brilliant will depend solely on how well you write it.
     
  9. Chachi Bobinks
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    Chachi Bobinks Senior Member

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    Totally get you there. Thanks!

    But isn't well-written poop still poop? :p I just worry about my concept. I'm confident in my ability to tell a story, but not so much in my ability to think up a good story in the first place.
     
  10. Killer300
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    Killer300 Active Member

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    Well, there are two sides to that. On one hand, I know of plenty of great concepts that are utterly ruined by horrible execution. But on the other hand, I know of plenty of tales that while incredibly well written, I just couldn't get into because the concept had been done to death or the over all plot independent of the writing was extremely boring.
     
  11. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    You can write a decent story about a trip to the mailbox in front of your house or about walking down the street twiddling your thumbs.

    Try it. Take it as a challenge to yourself.

    I've written both. They aren't great literature, but they make the point. Both of them are in my member blog,

    Poop can make your garden thrive, if you apply it properly.
     
  12. Killer300
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    Killer300 Active Member

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    Good point. Things that may not be the most exciting things ever to read are still good for writing exercises frequently.

    But anyway, this concept sounds fine really over all, it just needs some good writing and perhaps something different to spice it up.
     
  13. wicked_poppies
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    wicked_poppies Member

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    Your concept is fine. Yes, I’ll admit that it sounds kind of cheesy when you try to describe it in a sentence. “a story about a boy wizard who fights against an evil wizard who wants to kill him” sounds lame too, but Harry Potter is a masterpiece in my option. If I said anything to make you question your premise of the story, I apologize. I’m just trying to help you further develop you plot.
    As far as how she would react to finding out about his fame….. How would you react? I would say that I would think it was a joke at first, and just respond with something like, “yeah, and I’m the elf leader of a secret world under France!”… And then when he persisted, I would clarify that he was serious, but even if he said he was, I wouldn’t believe him completely, at which point I would ask for proof…. Then say he pulls up a vid of him in a concert, and a photo of him with… I don’t know, some famous person he’s dated in the past….. Anyways, once he convinced me that he was telling the truth and not punkling me, I would probably be angry that he A.)Lied to me B.) Didn’t trust me, and C.) because I wouldn’t know if who he really was as a person. I would question whether it was all an act, and whether he actually cared about me, and what part of his story was true if any of it was. I would also be upset because he thought that I would be so shallow that I would let his fame change how I saw him. Also, I would wonder if there was a completely different side to him if I saw that he acted different when I saw vids of him online.
     
  14. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    My reaction is that I don't see enough of a reason for him to lie about his identity. I see your explanation, and it could be enough for a date or two, but to me it's just not solid enough to carry on for longer than that. If the core of your story is the ongoing lying, then i think that you need a different and stronger reason for the lying. If the core of your story is the relationship, then I think that you may need to come up with a different plot.

    ChickenFreak
     
  15. Chachi Bobinks
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    Chachi Bobinks Senior Member

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    Oh no, you're fine. All of you are! This is exactly what I need. Everyone local that I'm spouted this off at has been like "Omg, that'll be awesome!" and I can't get feedback to safe my life. These are the questions that will help me to complete my mission which is, purposely, to take an insane plot and apply to the real world. See what would really happen.

    I think what I need to do is find something else to spice this up with so that he has more reason to lie. The morale of the story is about honesty with one's emotions... so the lying is most important. I will find a way to make that part of the plot stronger. Maybe he is really famous there but a merging artist here! Got to have some reason for him to be away from his country, right?

    Wicked, you hit the nail on the head. That is exactly how I want to 'revelation' to go. Real world reaction to an insane plot - yes. :)

    And I will try out those exercises! Thanks for the suggestion!!
     
  16. Tesoro
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    Tesoro Contributing Member Contributor

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    Like chickenfreak I don't understand why he would try to keep it a secret. is there a special reason for it? is that reason revealed to the readers and is it a plausible one?
     
  17. Chachi Bobinks
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    Chachi Bobinks Senior Member

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    Well, it's like I was saying earlier in the thread.. he meets someone who genuinely connects with him and likes him without knowing who he really is. And he likes that her appreciation for him isn't based on money or fame. I could imagine that most celebrities out there would love that. That's his inspiration to keep it under wraps.

    And then it's like when you tell a white lie and all the sudden you're going crazy and out of your way to keep from having to admit that you told a white lie in the first place because lies have a way of getting out of hand. He decides to not disclose it and it becomes a nightmare. My plan right now is for her to find out about it before he can come clean. If I let him do the right thing, I have to think of a different conflict. The story's climax right now is when she finds out who he really is.
     
  18. wicked_poppies
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    wicked_poppies Member

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    Ok, how about this..... he lies to her at first for the reason you've already given.... then, when he realizes that things are geting serious, he decides to tell her the truth, but she dose something like mention how much she hates celebrities, or talks about how shallow they are, or says that she would never want to be with somone like that because she didnt want to be in the publics eye so much..... Anyways, she says something that causes him to change his mind about coming clean with her.
     
  19. Chachi Bobinks
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    Chachi Bobinks Senior Member

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    That is a brilliant idea. I would love to use that! Thank you!
     
  20. wicked_poppies
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    wicked_poppies Member

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    No problem! Glad to help!
     
  21. Bluvapor
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    Bluvapor Member

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    Funny you should mention your plot because something similar happened to me like a year ago. I was dating someone i meet on face book, and the person lied to me many times, some were tiny lies like he worked for fed ex, but it soon became obvious when i noticed on our dates random people would go up to him to say hi or one day he picked me up in a very expensive car. Turns out he was a semi famous basket ball coach who took advantage of the fact i knew nothing of sports lol its funny how he kept the act going until finally confessing. I will admit i was upset and never really trusted him after that. So in the end we did try and date after that but it was never the same. Moral of my story is i hate liars and if your character lies too much it might be a little hard to find him likable unless you really make him very charismatic. In short make sure hes a very well developted character in order for people to look past his flaws.
     
  22. Chachi Bobinks
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    Chachi Bobinks Senior Member

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    You cannot be serious. That is just wild! Well, color me mistaken then. Apparently my outlandish plot could actually happen in real life! I'm sorry it didn't work out for you then and hope you've found someone more honest (or will!) to devote your time to!

    Thank you. That is a great suggestion. I've been making him charismatic just because I love me some charismatic man. I didn't even think about making sure I stuck to that because of the fact that he's a dirty liar. I want him to be very likeable so everyone supports her decision in the end so I will be careful! Thanks again!
     
  23. Bluvapor
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    Bluvapor Member

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    No problem. At the end of the day a charismatic chatracter can win anybodys heart. Glad to have helped.
     
  24. wicked_poppies
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    Being charismatic is helpful, but you also need to be careful and show the reader throughout the story that he does truly begin to care for this girl, and it’s not all just the fact that he’s a charmer…..
     
  25. Bluvapor
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    Bluvapor Member

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    Obvious he needs to develop the character past charisma and charming traits in order for the romance to be believable. But what I mean with him being charismatic was that he has to be very, very likable in order for people to over look the fact that the guys lying. It doesn’t matter if the character has good intentions; one must take into consideration that the road to hell was paved with good intentions, that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a good thing. so what I was recommending was that the character be so likable people actually forgive the fact that he screwed up, making it easier for her and the reader to swallow the inevitable apology that comes later on in the story once he confesses the truth, Just my opinion on the matter, and wicked does have a point but i just wanted to clarify mine.
     

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