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  1. kcasteel2004
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    kcasteel2004 Member

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    My 2 main characters. are they real to you?

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by kcasteel2004, Nov 27, 2007.

    Ok here are my characters, please note these are not human characters, they are deer-human-like, trying something new lol.

    Here are their storys-

    Hani, Dyani/age 16/Male

    Hani’s Story:

    Born to Enupay and Mitena, Dyani Hani is the eldest of there 2 offspring. Being the eldest born he is destined to become a guardian like his father. At a young age he was introduce to a very young female named Yamka. Very quickly to two became the best of friends sharing in many of his firsts. His first steps were to get Yamka, his first word was to her, and his first dance was with her, he lives only for her. Hani and Yamka had many adventures together and their friendship grew. At the age of five when exploring in the forest near Topanga Hani fell from a large tree breaking his neck, right arm, and leg. Normally this was a death sentence, but the spirits took pity on him knowing what he was destined to do. They restored his life and healed his injures but leaving behind the scares as a reminded of their gift of a second chance. He never told anyone what had happened and tries to hide his scares from the world.

    After this encounter he was changed. The fear he felt while falling from the tree and the terror of his impending death as he laid on the forest floor is always in his mind and is something he will need to overcome in order for him to walk down the path of life that he must follow.

    Hani looks up to his father Enupay that serves as everything he wishes to become. Enupay is brave, courageous, kind hearted, a good father, the greatest warrior in his village, and above all a Guardian (one that protects the weak). Most Honovian’s are of the social and spiritual variety but few posses the knowledge and skill to protect the Honovian’s way of life. Enupay is on of the few Guardians that protect Topanga and the other villages in there home land Awenasa.

    Mitena is his guide to the world when it comes to practical learning weather it be social skills, reading, writing, foraging skills, and most importantly how to make friends.

    As the first born offspring of a Guardian Hani must participate in the ancient ritual journey The Great Trials. This journey must be completed at the age of Essen chant 16 years old and is not limited to males. The Great Trials consist of 7 tests designed to finely tune their strengths, build on any weaknesses they may posses, and overcome their fears. Only after their journey is complete will the young male or female be allowed to take their place and be honored as a Guardian and wear the armband as proof of their title.

    After seeing his fallen father he makes him a vow to complete the 7 Trials of Essen Chant and become a Guardian like his father. After Topanga falls Hani maybe the only Guardian to survive Tohopka’s relentless assaults to destroy their way of life.

    Hani also makes Yamka a promise to be at her side through everything and anything to help her discover the truth about her family, past, and to build a better future for her to live in.

    Yamka’s past will lead Hani to his future. Hani’s strength will lead Yamka to her past.
    __________

    Yamka, Elu/Age 15/ Female/

    Yamka’s Story-

    Born to Cha’Tima and Halian, Elu in the village of Hurit. Yamka is not her true name; her real name was never discovered. Yamka was the only one to survive the attack on the village that clamed the lives of both her mother and father. Her last and only memory of her mother is her warm smile that was burned into her mind. Halian put Yamka into a basket to save her life seconds later she fell never to open her eyes or see her child again. Yamka was only a new born at the time of the attack and was rescued by Hani’s father Enupay and his friend Tyion. No one knew why this child was the only one speared by Helushka, others where hidden far better that she and still they perished. Enupay took the new born back to his village and the Topangian herd took her is as one of their own. Enupay gave her the name Yamka that stands for budding flower after seeing the only other thing that was still living in Hurit, a small flower in the center of the burnt out village.

    As her rescuer Enupay took Yamka as his own until a suitable caretaker was found. Yamka was introduced to Hania only a day after the tragedy and their friendship grew. Soon after Mitena was pregnant with Ayasha and was appointed a caretaker. Enupay and Mitena wanted her to stay but knew the strain on Mitena suddenly with 3 children was to much for her to cope with.

    An older buck named Ezhno a well respected tailor in the village took her in. He was a great teacher and mentor for Yamka showing her everything about his trade. She learned very quickly how to sow, make clothing, and toys. She was grateful for all the kindness he had shown her in there 12 years together but she never really opened her heart to him as her parent. Yamka was never told what had happened to her real parents. Never told about the Hurit tragedy. But she still carry’s her final memory of her mother and be leaves they are both still alive somewhere. But there are always two questions at the foreground of her mind:

    1) Why did they leave her behind?
    2) Why was her mother’s smile her only memory of them?

    As she struggles to unravel the mysteries that shroud her past. Hani make a vow to her to be their for her through anything and everything and to help her discover what happened to her family, her past, and her future…

    Yamka’s past will lead Hani to his future. Hani’s strength will lead Yamka to her past.

    _________

    Any suggestions, fixes, or any feed back would help greatly. If the links don't work please let me know I will try to post another way.

    Thanks alot and sorry for the long post :)
     
  2. TheFedoraPirate
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    TheFedoraPirate Contributing Member

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    Hm, I kind of wonder why "[Hani] lives only for [Yamka]"...just sharing first words and first steps doesn't seem enough to dedicate your entire life to someone. Hani being changed by a near death experience adds to his realism but that's all I've got to go on so far.

    There really isn't much about Yamka other than her past, and since she doesn't remember it, it can't have any bearing on her personality.
     
  3. kcasteel2004
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    kcasteel2004 Member

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    Thanks alot

    I was not really sure how far to go in to these characters for ppl to see right now I was hoping that read would get to know these 2 through the course of the story. My goal is to make them more than family, more that friends but am having some trouble cause of my lack of experiance in writing.

    Is there anything else I need to go into detail about in their profile?

    Should I even talk about them togeather before the story is read?

    I do have the first chapter of the story completed but I can't post it yet.

    Thanks alot TheFedoraPirate I have already started to work on what you pointed out.

    Anything at this point helps. You can learn and get better if you don't know what your doing wrong. :)
     

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