1. I Am Vague
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    I Am Vague Active Member

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    New Larassey

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by I Am Vague, Feb 13, 2012.

    I'm writing a classic zombie apocalypse story, mainly because it was my goal as a child to do something like it. Anyway, the story takes place on an island that is bridged to the mainland, (not really an island technically) by a small half mile long streak of land called Nineport. The Island has a city named New Larassey, and it has tall skyscrapers, but only about 8 total. Only 5 deserve attention, the Proctor building which was burned down, the Seviure Official which is where the start of the novel takes place, the Exhilarate building which is half built, FIY Commercial is still standing and is overrun by the undead, and the Mill Runner. I will expand on their importance the further I go into the story line.

    The plot follows two brothers who join with two sisters at an empty superstore. They state that the reason they are wandering is because they were cast out from the 'safe zone' because they did not have any male counterparts to keep the population even. That is the cause for the rejection of many people. Now with the two brothers, they can journey back and have complete free access to the safe zone and all of its benefits as a shelter.

    The safe zone is a hospital, and one of the only few places with it own supply of electricity and water. It is also known as 'the Kingdom of Jersey', named after a famous man named Jersey who claimed the hospital first for himself and decided to keep it safe. He's pretty much the Captain Jack Sparrow of my story. He's a little funny in the head but it's like everyone just goes along with his strangeness without complaint because he's such a hero to them, and people have volunteered to obey his command, follow him, and die for him whenever he needs.

    After they have arrived at the safe zone, they are unwillingly volunteered by him to assist in adventuring outwards from the very haven they sought out to leave New Larassey completely. He plans to leave his own safe haven and everything he has created to find something more out among the thousands of undead wandering the streets for reasons no one yet understands. So just as they arrive, everyone is back out in the open with an unsure future with barely anything less than a lunatic guiding them through the madness.

    The story is about the trek across miles of land through the metropolitan New Larassey into the rural area of Nineport, and discovering just who Jersey really is, the purpose for his actions, and why they are following him, as well as finding out more about the history of the everyone else in the group. If they are lucky, everything will go by smoothly if they follow the directions of the legendary man, Jersey; Because, from what they've heard, he's the only one who's conquered everything in the past. Will they get infected by the mass of undead due to Jersey's faulty leadership, or will they trust him with their lives and be delivered to the safety they're promised?

    Only time will tell! Please tell me, are there any holes in this story? Anything i should add on? Anything I could expand on? Feel free to ask questions.
     
  2. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    First, and most importantly, I'm glad that the question you asked was "are there plot holes?" instead of "is this good?" because we're not here to validate your idea. We're here to help it where it needs help.

    Notes in red.

    Read Day of the Triffids. It's a post-apocalyptic story that makes a hell of a lot of sense. Read it. It's by John Wyndham and it rules.
     
  3. AmyHolt
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    AmyHolt Contributing Member

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    I agree with cruciFICTION that the even population is a bit strange. However one idea that might spark a few ideas is a controled population idea where you can only have so many children. So if parents had three kids and can only have two if they live in the safe zone then one child would have to go somewhere. And maybe there could be a waiting list if you are outside the safe zone then if someone inside the zone dies. You could be next up of enterance. And maybe you couldn't have a baby unless you get permission, like signing up on the list and when your number comes up you get permission. They are just brainstorming ideas, no sure how good they are but they might spark an even better idea.
    I think it sounds like an intersting premise. Best of luck pulling it together.
     
  4. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    I agree with this. Around any sort of safe zone, there'd probably be an area where there wouldn't be too many zombies, and rejects from the safe zone would probably have a small shanty town of their own around the walls.
    People like doctors and tradespeople would be immediately allowed to enter. People with sicknesses or who were physically incapable would need some special skill if they wanted in. Basically, if you can't pull your weight, you're out until the safe zone grows in productivity.

    I repeat again, though, read John Wyndham's Day of the Triffids. It's awesome.
     
  5. I Am Vague
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    I Am Vague Active Member

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    I think i should have explained a bit more, I'm glad you guys brought this up because i didn't give much background info on the things you're bringing up.

    I understand how you can say that a hospital is rampant with disease, and it makes perfect sense with what you're saying, but here's how i viewed it: I thought that since many of the infections and turnings of citizens had occurred there, the infected would spread Outwards from the hospital where there is a higher abundance of the living instead of their own dead counterparts. So being the first location these infected would leave, they would spread away from the origin it started. I'm not sure if you get what I mean, I'll think of changing it nonetheless.

    The man, Jersey, was the first to claim it as a sanctuary and has spent months being idolized as the one man who saves all others by accepting to a very stable environment. This being the case, many view him as a hero, their savior, etc. so the least they can do is obey his will and what he asks for from his followers. I've told another friend of mine about this and the gender control, and they said it sounded like a cult. To a degree I want it to be that way. I want it to seem entirely unfair to some, and as a blessing to others. This is the result of Jersey being utterly and intensely hated for rejecting some while accepting others. The reasons for acceptance is also strange, but I also did that on purpose as well because I wanted to put a kind of.. hm.. symbolism (I think that's the word) in about following Idols blindly no matter what they are capable of or if they are fit to be your 'idol'. As for the people who would die for him, they are only male and close acquaintances of his who trust him or who he is very close to. Jersey accepts those who he deems appropriate to enter. The choices are strange, like he will accept a 15 year old child but deny a 34 year old doctor. It's all part of the symbolism really, yeah, that would have been important to add in the first post... it's supposed to be obvious that it doesn't make sense to the reader.

    As for the shanty you mentioned. I have that the group comes across a very small, very limited, other version of a safe zone further into the plot. This is where it becomes difficult because many people who are still alive have a horrible grudge against Jersey and he can't be seen or they may go as far as to attack him on sight for the 'wrong' he has done. It was part of the original plotline

    Lastly, I have completely forgotten the reason that they accompany him in the first place. I had a brilliant reason before, i remember that, but i can't seem to recall it. Ah, well, it's just a small matter of drawing the reason back to mind. I'll figure it out
     
  6. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    A story synopsis is useless for discussion. Plot holes exist in the final story, or they do not. The synopsis is not the story.

    It all depends on how well you write it. Contrary to popular belief, a good story is not made in the concept, but in the execution.
     
  7. AmyHolt
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    AmyHolt Contributing Member

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    Absolutely true but many, like myself, find it helpful to talk through the plot. It helps me wrap my mind around what needs to happen and often points out issue I didn't realize I needed to address. I find myself doing it all the way through the writing process. I write for a while, get stuck and then talk through what's happening and what needs to happen. Most of the time the reason I got stuck was because somewhere in the back of my mind I knew there was a problem that needed to be addressed. Talking through the plot helps me find those issues. However in the end talking isn't writing and will never get your novel done.
     
  8. cruciFICTION
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    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

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    "Classic zombie story" is the concept. A story synopsis is more than that, and if there are any massive plot holes, they'll appear in the big picture before they appear in the details. Hell, it's easier to find a plot hole in a big picture than it is when you're surrounded by details.

    This is a good point. As I said in my original post, the OP asked if there were any plot holes. He wasn't asking if it was a good idea. He was asking for help (this is addressed at Cogito still, btw). Talking through things is useful. Validation isn't what he's looking for.
     

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