1. gigantes
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    gigantes Banned

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    one time.

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by gigantes, Jul 18, 2008.

    feel free to jump in. add anecdotes from your life beginning with "one time". try not to laugh at the absurd wallpaper, please.

    ...

    one time a butterfly flew right into my face from out of nowhere and i shrieked and dropped my bowl of pudding.

    ...

    one time when i was 12 years old, a kid bet me $5 that there was a jet fighter parked in a little shopping mall nearby. so i walked over there and saw a jet fighter parked in the shopping mall. i had forgotten that there was an air force recruiting station nearby.

    ...

    one time i was watering the plants inside an animal enclosure and without realising it, backed up all the way to the edge of a concrete ledge. i felt something brush against my hip and looking down, saw a rhinocerous head. ever since that day i say a little "thank you" from time to time to rhinoceroses everywhere for not mangling my puny body when they had their big opportunity.
     
  2. inkslinger
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    inkslinger Contributing Member

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    One time, when sitting in the dark on the computer, I thought my earphone piece lying in my lap was a spider, lol. I jumped up and shrieked and backed away. I went to turn on the light and saw that it was my earphone. I then concluded it was in fact time for me to go to bed that instant. AHA, I felt like such an idiot. I'm absolutely petrified of spiders, embarrassingly so. The thought of them creeps me out. /shudder
     
  3. The Freshmaker
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    The Freshmaker <insert obscure pop culture reference> Contributor

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    One time, I went to see a movie in the scariest movie theater ever. Seriously. I felt like I was in a horror movie. The theater only had about thirty seats. There was no music or anything before the movie started. The floors were concrete. And there were several visible vents around the room, which I totally imagined people watching me through. Luckily, the opening credits to Get Smart finally appeared on the screen, instead of that clown-looking guy from Saw.
     
  4. soujiroseta
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    soujiroseta Senior Member Contributor

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    this one time at band camp...

    couldn't resist:D
     
  5. Daisy
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    Daisy New Member

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    one time I was so desperate for a diet mountain dew that I drove to the store in the same clothes I'd been wearing all day to pot flowers (old and dirty), without brushing my hair or putting on makeup, flip flops and chipped toenail polish.

    Of course, I would have to run into the last person I'd ever wanted to see again - the football hero who dumped me right after high school for a foreign exchange student.
     
  6. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    One time, back in college, two hundred miles from where I went to high school, I was shopping in a Boston supermarket. Of course, I was also paying attention to lovely young ladies as well, and so when one of them smiled back and looked me straight in the eye, I walked over to say hello.

    Before I said a word, she said, "Dave? I thought I recognized you." I thought fast, and then realized she was the girl who played opposite me in our high school performance of Tevya and His Daughters, the play that Fiddler on the Roof is derived from. Her hair was different, but it was really her. She and her sister had lived within a block of me for the past year, and I never knew it.
     
  7. Harmire
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    Harmire Member

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    When I was 8, I was practicing skateboarding. I would use my downhill driveway as a boost so I could go faster, and then rush across the street. My parents had warned me countless times not to do it. But one day, I went down the driveway without looking to see if the street was clear. A speeder going 30 hit me head on. I only got some scraped knees.
     
  8. gigantes
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    gigantes Banned

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    one time i had this co-worker who was a big cleopatra fan. she was a 30-year old american black woman who wore cleopatra t-shirts, egyptian-style jewelry, and had a screensaver on her PC that ran images of the pyramids and pharaohs. over the course of a couple years working with her i got the idea that she thought of herself as a great beauty and a modern-day cleopatra. this didn't make much impression with me and i came to think of her as the annoying coworker who liked to talk about herself.

    one day after getting unusually frustrated with her i decided to reveal to her the fact that cleopatra was actually greek. she immediately responded with a resounding "NO!" and so i began to tell her about the alexandric conquest of egypt. but before i could finish she turned into some kind of magnificent tasmanian devil bitch. i had to flee the area to avoid the ensuing cyclone of destruction.
     
  9. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Just goes to show, id you shatter someone's fantasies, watch out for shrapnel.

    One time a couple years ago, I was snorkelling off of Old Orchard beach in Maine. I lost my snorkel when I was standing in chest deep water talking with my girl friend and her daughters. I searched for it, but it was nowhere to be found. We headed back to our campsite for lunch, and returned to another section of the beach about a mile to the north in mid-afternoon. While I was diving with a spare snorkle, I stepped on something in the sand under the water. I reached down, and was stunned to retrieve the very snorkle I had lost earlier in the day further down the beach.
     
  10. gigantes
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    gigantes Banned

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    one time, a few years ago, i found a discarded army munitions box that someone had put out in the trash. go figure. it was marked in screaming yellow letters with stuff like "20mm shells" and "danger- explosives".

    after that day one of my occasional favorite activities with friends and new acquaintances was to slowly walk over to them delicately holding the case, saying "hey, check out this cool new box i found!" and getting close enough so that their eyes could goggle at the warning labels before i inevitably stumbled badly, the munitions box to fly out of my hands and land right at their feet.
     
  11. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    One time I was talking with a student of mine about bison. He asked if you could make leather out of bison. Smiling I said "You can make leather out of almost any animal. Even you."
    I realized what I said, and couldn't stop smiling. The student asked me stop smiling after about 30 seconds. He didn't stay long after that.
     
  12. inkslinger
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    inkslinger Contributing Member

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    One time someone told me 'thank you' when I rang them out on the register at work, and I replied 'hello'. LOL, very embarrassing.
     
  13. sfr
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    sfr Contributing Member

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    One time I shoulder taped a homeless man for some beer. He was a local celebrity named priate because he had an eye patch. As a sideshow he drank beer and smoked a cigerette through his eye, I'll just say I didn't ask him to do it, but I tiped him.
     
  14. DrJoe
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    DrJoe Member

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    One time these kids were all like hey I bet you can't do a triple backflip off a cliff and I was like yeah I bet I can so I did a triple backflip off the grand canyon and smashed my head on the way down but I landed on my feet and lived hell yeah
     
  15. gigantes
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    gigantes Banned

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    hell yeah.

    one time i got so excited by cows that i spent all my vacation money in switzerland building a huge collection of cow postcards. one day i hope to find that collection.

    ...

    one time i sang the song "lonesome cowboy" to amuse myself during a customer service call while i was waiting for my client to come back to the phone. my supervisor was listening in and failed me, explaining that some third party could have been listening in and what an awful impression of QVC that would have made to the secret listener.

    ...

    one time i wanted to get a deep tan without being exposed to UV rays, so i bought myself some fake tanning cream and rubbed it all over myself. but i must have put on too much because it stained unevenly, making me look like some unfortunate person who had fallen into a candy-factory mixing vat. with my latticework of yellow, tan, orange and brown skin i found myself staying indoors for the next week.
     
  16. Sayso
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    Sayso Contributing Member

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    there was this one time, I got locked inside my house and had to phone the police station where my dad was working to get him to bring the spare key to the front door. After explaining my situation to the police man he asked why I didn't just climb out of the window. My answer: I was a couple of weeks off having my first daughter and I wasn't going to go climbing at that particular time. Walking was bad enough!
     
  17. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Oompa loompa?
     
  18. gigantes
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    gigantes Banned

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    [​IMG]

    if only i had had a wig and a can of green spraypaint.

    ...

    one time after i had moved back into the suburbs i needed some bloodwork done and felt that it would be good to choose a regular doctor at the same time. a friend recommended his family physician so i scheduled the tests and showed up for my first visit. one of the first things i saw in the office was a sign saying "if you are serious about dieting, inquire within". this was good, i thought, since i had studied some nutrition in college and looked forward to having some conversations on the subject.

    later on i finally had a chance to meet doctor krause.

    he waddled into the room, nattily attired, his 400+ pound bulk barely able to squeeze through the door frame. i marvelled that he was shorter than me (5'8") yet had found amazing news ways to distribute weight on the human body. "never before," i said to myself, "have i met someone so perfectly spherical."
     
  19. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    One time, I was on a Ferris wheel at an amusement park about an hour's drive from where I live. I have a deathly fear of heights, but I push myself against such limitations. Well, this wheel's seats were steel benches with a horizontal safety bar with a hinge at one ens and a latch on the other. Apparently the latch was not properly engaged, because soon after the ride started, the bar swung outward. I gripped the sides of the bench as tightly as I could, my heart thudding in my ears. When the ride ended, I could barely walk, I was shaking so badly.

    These days the wheel has circular platforms with inward facing seats, and the entry gate for each platform is off to the side.

    BTW - all of the ones I've posted here are absolutely true - no tall tales.
     
  20. Gone Wishing
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    One time, a friend and I kinda sorta crashed a well-to-do function in the city... We eventually got bored and began play-sparring where we thought we were out of sight. Not so. :/

    After being 'politely asked to leave', my friend and I were outside whereupon I spotted wall. >_> Hmmm, thinks me, a wall eh? Since I'm in ninja mode, I think I should climb that.

    To cut a long story somewhat short, I sprained both my ankles that night. :redface:
     
  21. Scribe Rewan
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    One time friend got rung up by a company that was offering free watercooler trials (his dad owns his own building buisness) and he accidentally said yes. One day we were gaming and suddenly this water cooler got delivered, with 5 gallons of Cornish Spring Mineral Water and 200 plastic cups. The company refused to take it back for 3 months, so he had this office water cooler in his tiny bedroom for the whole time! He also put a black bin bag over it in the hopes that his parents wouldn;t notice it and ask what it was...

    You backflipped into the grand canyon and only managed three on your way down?!
     
  22. DrJoe
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    DrJoe Member

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    I'm afraid of success

    One time I tried to take a shortcut on foot to this local burger shop and ended up getting lost in the woods for three hours. When I finally found my way out, I got there and ordered a malt but they told me they were closed.
     
  23. Amadeo
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    Amadeo Member

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    One time, when I was 16 years old, I worked in a factory that made power circuit boards. We were all required to wear white protective garments over our regular clothing including our shoes, a white mask over our mouths and a white cloth cover over our hair. Only our eyes were exposed.

    My job was to solder tiny wires onto the boards. It was very tedious work which was closely monitored by my incredibly beautiful supervisor who was about 25 years old. I was so happy to be doing the work I was doing especially when I saw who my supervisor was! When she walked by me, I would stop what I was doing, tilt my head back and look up into her beautiful green eyes.. Even though her mouth was covered, I knew she was smiling at me by the look in her eyes which sent my heart pounding.

    Sometimes, when she checked my work, she would touch my shoulder with her smooth dark brown hand and lean over to look at my soldering. She laughed as I turned my head upwards so I could gaze into her eyes. She touched my cheek and gently turned my head back to face the board. Then I watched her walk away, wishing I could think of a reason to make her come back to me again.

    And suddenly, an idea came to me... Every once in a while, I would purposely leave a wire loose so that when she checked my board, she would find it and make me solder it again. (She stood there watching me as I did this.) This meant that she would check my work more frequently to ensure that I left no wires loose.

    After she found a loose wire for the third or fourth time, she turned to me, folded her arms and gave me a penetrating look. Uh oh... she knew what I was up to... I slowly lifted up my head, looked at her sheepishly and then shrugged and gave her a smile. She started laughing but admonished me to focus on the wires... or else...

    And then smiling to herself, she turned and walked away..... sigh......

    Amadeo
     
  24. Amadeo
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    Amadeo Member

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    LOL Gigantes!!

    Your story about the rhino brushing up against you reminded me of an incident that happened to me about 10 years ago.

    One time, while I was in the Similkameen River in Washington State, I kept hearing a bunch of rattling sounds coming from the river bank on the opposite side of the shallow banks where I was swimming.


    [​IMG]

    It brought to mind a discussion my neighbor and I had a short time ago about rattlesnakes being in the area. We both knew that there were rattlesnakes that lived at the bottom of the hills but since we lived on the opposite side of those hills, we wondered how well they could swim, if they swam at all.

    As I swam further into the river, I stopped and stood in the water which now was up to my waist. I turned to face the shore when all of a sudden, I felt two slimy taps on my lower back. I must have jumped 5 feet out of the water and swam furiously towards the shore. As I swam, I quickly looked behind me only to see a snake swimming furiously back to the opposite bank!

    Although I was not sure what kind of snake it was, I thought about how lucky I was to have gotten away from the potentially dangerous creature and to have 'survived' the serpentine version of Jaws...

    I am really enjoying all the wonderful posts in this thread. :) Thank you Gigantes and everyone for sharing your 'one time' stories!

    Take care,

    Amadeo
     
  25. Rink85
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    Rink85 Member

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    One time when I was young, I was in my bed asleep and I heard a sound much like ruffling and the pitter patter of feet. I freaked out, thinking there was some sort of animal in my room - like rats. I was too scared to look for myself, so I hurried to wake up everyone in my household. How embarrassing I felt to discover that it was nothing but a plastic sack draped over a blowing furnace.
     

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