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  1. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    Online Dating

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Heather Louise, Apr 11, 2008.

    Questions for everyone.

    would you ever date someone over the internet?

    could you ever trust someone you have met online enough to meet them for real?

    Do you think it is possible to fall in love having never met personally, only over the internet?


    Me, I would love to meet some of the people I have met online but am very paranoid and am not sure if I ever could. I met, I think I know a few people here very well and would like to meet, but how much could I actually know about them? The fact I am a 15 year old girl probably adds to my paranoia about people on the interent but I do not think I could ever trust someone enough.
     
  2. Bella
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    Bella New Member

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    As a 15-year-old girl, follow those instincts! The risk of online predators and people posing as someone different than they really are is too high at your age. You are wise to be skeptical, even with people that you think you have gotten to know well.

    That being said, yes, I think that people can form relationships and fall in love over the internet. There are many marriages that have resulted from online meetings. Eventually, though, it is about chemistry, and the couple would have to meet in person to see if they still click. I have a friend who has met many men through online dating sites--and they seem great at first--but it falls apart once they actually go on a date.

    If you ever choose to meet someone you've talked to online, make sure it is in a public place and bring a friend.
     
  3. Raven
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    Raven Banned

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    Heather you're too young to be thinking of online dating and meeting people. Not everyone is as friendly as they make out.

    Infact for a 15 year old girl its very dangerous and I doubt your father or mother would approve. Be young live your age learn and then at a later date think about dating.

    Your a good lass and I'd hate to read something awful on the news.
    And as bella has already said. Stick with those instincts. ;)

    besides you've lots of writing to do yet. :p







    ~Raven.
    Senior Super Moderator.
     
  4. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    Hehe, thanks for the wamrning Raven but I wasn't plannng on actually meeting anyone just yet, just wondering.
    aye, my great uncle met his latest wife on a dating site and they have been together for about 7 years now so it can turn out good.
     
  5. Raven
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    Raven Banned

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    Very good to hear. ;)
     
  6. Oasis Writer
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    Oasis Writer Contributing Member Contributor

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    I would definitely be very careful with this. I've experimented with it as well a few years back and it can be very emotionally wrecking. You do get attached, even though it's not to the person physically. If you aren't careful, either, you could be getting scammed into something that could lead to rape or murder.

    It's better to do as Raven said. Be young, enjoy the people around you as they are now, and if you're close to a person on the internet, and you stay close to them up until you're in your twenties, then it's probably safer to maybe make a relationship out of it then. Otherwise, right now in your life, you don't need the potential stress. :)
     
  7. lordofhats
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    lordofhats Contributing Member

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    Well I'm as paranoid as they come. I regularly put down the name John Smith when registering for things online just because I don't want my real name out there. I also tend to add or take a year from my age as an extra precaution. Heck, when I walk down the street and i see a shadow behind me, and its not mine, I'm watching it out of the corner of my eye. I even lock all the doors and windows to my house when I'm home!

    Paranoia doesn't make me crazy it makes me weird but safe. I have yet to have a single problem with viruses, spyware, or any other form of tech or life troubles concerning my personal information. I like to keep it that way.

    Besides, online dating is one of the biggests scams in history.
     
  8. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    Why do you think that like ??
     
  9. lordofhats
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    lordofhats Contributing Member

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    In a world of complete anonimity how can anyone possible hope to get to know someone online? You have no way of knowing if what they say is true or false. I've never known anyone who's had a good experience with online dating. You have a much better chance of meeting someone great in the local area, where you can talk to and actually see them in person. Sure, there's still no garuntee they won't lie but its much less likely.

    EDIT: lol I forgot my point. THe point is, the companies who run online dating, know it almost never works and they tend to charge you and say it will work anyway.

    For all you know I'm 90, fat, have cancer, and dance the hula much to everyones dismay (Not really, I hope when I'm 90 I don't want to dance anymore XD especially the hula). Sure I say I'm not (And I'm really not :p) but you hav eno way of knowing that for sure.
     
  10. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    My great uncle for married to a woman who he met over online dating. Not all people out there want to scam, rape and kill you. Some people are just lovely, lonely people who are looking for love.

    I agree with the thing about you never really know, but isn't there a point when you should just trust this person?
     
  11. lordofhats
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    lordofhats Contributing Member

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    I trust no one XD Not Really. JK. There's a point, but even at that point you can still never be sure. There are some patient folks out there.

    Good to hear about your uncle. I'm sure its bound to work some of the time, my only point was that most of the time it doesn't work. Most companies trick people into paying for a service that by probability, most likely won't work out for them. Seriously this is like the only conspiracy theory I buy into :p.
     
  12. Bella
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    Bella New Member

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    The warning is true for both sexes, by the way. When I was relatively new to the whole forums thing, I struck up a friendship with another woman who was my age and lived close to me. Way too soon, I shared my name and location with her, thinking that eventually we could meet up for lunch or something. Almost instantly, her messages became very weird, and she was almost demanding in her request that we meet. I got a bad vibe from the whole thing, so I closed my account, changed my username and completely avoided her. Luckily nothing came of it, but you never know.

    Just be smart about any relationships you form online.
     
  13. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    Aye I know, and I have met a few wierd people online who you get the feeling you should stay away, but they are obviously wierd. What about people who seem frendly and normal enough? I am never sure how muhc I could trust someone who I had never met before.
     
  14. lordofhats
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    lordofhats Contributing Member

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    My philosophy is that if someone is friendly with me I'm friendly with them. Nothing wrong with that, its polite. Just be careful about revealing personal information to anyone. You can be friendly without everyone knowing your name, age, address, and social security number :p.
     
  15. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    I'll just say that I have had some extremely disturbing encounters from online acquaintences. I've also had some amazingly positive ones as well. But the danger is very real.
     
  16. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    There are some amazing people on line.
    there are quite a few on this board that I would love to sit and have a coffee with.
    there are others on other boards that I will be friendly with and have no intention of ever trying to meet them.
    This is a great way to get get to know people but you have to take what they say with a grain of salt.
    Someone can be what ever and who ever they want to be since there is no sure fire way to really check them out.
    If you want to meet someone you talk to make it a public place and not too close to your home.
    Don't give them a phone # at all.
    My MIL is a strange lady and she was really upset that Don and I had invited a bunch of women from our board on a camping trip. She said they were out to do terrible things to us since we met on line.
    Then a year later she said her youngest daughter was marrying a guy she met on line. I said wasn't that dangerous and her answer was "not at all she met him on a Christian chat room."
    Now that would not make me feel better about the person since anyone can and will sometimes say they are christian and then you find out the real them.
    But they are married and apparently happy and they have the MIL living with them so that is all for the good.
    Just be friendly and safe no matter where and how you meet someone.
     
  17. Luminous
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    Luminous Member

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    As a 15-year-old-girl as well, and spending more time than I should on the internet, I can understand what you are thinking.

    There are an equal amount of good guys on the internet as there are bad ones. Before you ever consider meeting someone, do your research. There is a difference between just meeting some guy in a chat room and meeting a guy on a major publicized forum or online videogame or some kind of online function that you have to pay for where multiple people know the guy personally and his personal information is made public. Even then, you make sure you know what you are talking about and do your research on him before you consider it.

    Another thing, I would never meet a guy who I met online until I was over 18. As long as you are underaged, you are more prone to predators and it can lead to other issues. 15 also means you don't have your license yet, which is a bad thing. You don't want to end up in a situation you aren't in control of, leaving you only one choice.

    Meet in a public place, bring a friend, possibly bring some kind of hidden protection like mace, and just be smart about it.

    I know I have met some interesting guys online, specially in online gaming with guilds and such, so people end up knowing a lot about each other. I would never close off the possibility of online relationships, but you just have to make sure you are in control of the situation.
     
  18. (Mark)
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    (Mark) Contributing Member

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    Maybe Idaho is a strange place, but I had my drivers license when I was 15...

    At any rate, I don't think it's really a good idea to go on a date with someone you meet on the Internet. There's nothing wrong with making friends Online, but when you're sitting behind a computer monitor, you can't actually see the person. You can only see the parts of them that they want you to see, plus, any identity you have on the Internet has got to be so damn superficial.
     
  19. Rickie writes
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    Forgive me for being blunt but get off the computer and hook up with some groups you have common interests with and get out of the house. Don't worry about love, it will happen. We are social animals and we need to be around other people.

    The internet is full of strangers, treat them like strangers, polite but not personal and don't let your emotions get the best of you when hear from some seet talking writer. You may not believe me but young women are easy to influence. Don't go for it.

    I'm the father of a 16 yr old young women.
     
  20. Luminous
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    Luminous Member

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    Webcams, voice chat...internet socializing is revolutionizing.

    Also, it is so extremely easy to get anyone's personal information now days. If I was really curious about a guy I met online, I could say with confidence if I had just one piece of information about him to go off of, I could find out anything I would need to know about him.

    I guess though, safety is the same in every instance...I don't walk farther than the boundaries of our property outside of our house. It really comes down to how your mind measures the chance vs. control safety and fulfillment battle. Some would rather just know they are safe and know what they are getting themselves into. Others will argue that you need to be careful, but not so careful that you eliminate all risk.
     
  21. (Mark)
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    (Mark) Contributing Member

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    With Webcams, Voice Chat, getting peoples personal information, can you be one hundred percent sure?

    Why not just meet someone the traditional way?
     
  22. MarcG
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    MarcG Contributing Member

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    I'm a 15 year old girl, too! *cough*

    It's possible to find 'love' on the internet. Just not likely, though I suppose there's as much chance as with an actual physical relationship.
     
  23. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    not possible, unless you mean a 'virtual' date...

    'trust'?... no, not till i'd met them and done some background checking... meet them?... maybe, depending on the circumstances... but it would definitely be with major safety factors in place...

    knowing the human race as well as i do, from many decades of study, observation, and experience, of course i think it's possible and lots of people think they've done it... but then, i don't have the rosy picture of 'falling in love' that most folks do... imo, it's just 'falling in heat/lust'... actual 'loving' comes later, if at all...

    my studied pov is that what is called 'love' between adults is nothing more than a socialized fiction built around lust and need... the only true total 'love' is that between a mother and child... but let's not turn this into a major debate... if you want to know what i base my conclusions on, just read this: http://saysmom.com/maia/content.asp?Writing=77
     
  24. Luminous
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    Luminous Member

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    The only reason the traditional method of meeting people worked in the past is because marriage wasn't based on love. You were with a guy because of social ties, parentally forced bonding, or financial reasons. It was very rarely about meeting someone you wanted to be with.

    It never has been proven throughout the course of human's existance that the traditional method has been more successful. So, if you ask that, I have to ask, why not just meet someone the nontraditional way?
     
  25. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    huh?... says who?... and in what society, when?... where did you get that idea?
     
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