1. PrettyAwkward
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    PrettyAwkward New Member

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    Review my Letter/Essay

    Discussion in 'The Art of Critique' started by PrettyAwkward, Feb 15, 2013.

    Hi there, I'm fairly new to the community and I didn't really know where to post academic writing, so I thought either the essay section under non-fiction or here, but since I can't post in the essay section just yet, I thought I could post it here. I hope none of the moderators ban me for doing so. (Haha)

    I'm writing an open-letter for a scholarship in game design, especially in story writing, concept and theory.
    I'm required to write an open letter (500-1000 words) addressed to the Scholarship Committee explaining why I feel I deserve to win this scholarship. Outlining exactly how I intend to leverage a scholarship towards my career in the industry and explaining why I believe I can be successful in the industry and how I plan for achieving success if I receive a scholarship.

    I would like to hear your opinions on my open letter and how I can improve it.

    Thank you in advance for your time! :)



    Dear Ladies and Gentlemen of the ____________________ Scholarship Committee,

    My name is ___________, and I wish to apply for the ______________ Scholarship. I believe that my excellent academic record, love and passion for video games, service work make me a good candidate for the scholarship. In the beginning of 2012, I was a student working towards a Diploma of Software Development but only completed half way through the course leaving with a Certificate III in Program in Information, Digital Media and Technology (Applications) and a Certificate IV in Programming due to an expected death in the family. Despite being a full time student and working two jobs within 20 hours a week (due to visa restrictions), I also take the initiative to enhance my education outside the classroom. I constantly strive for excellence and am committed to making my time as student as productive and beneficial as possible.

    In addition to my academic activities, my interests span across curriculum, culture and arts. I take part in many social activities experiencing work in a group together with many people from different backgrounds. Growing up, I have spent much of my childhood travelling with my family, and being the only daughter, most of my time was spent with my two older brothers which eventually sparked my interest in the world of gaming, and when I finally graduated high school, my craving was further whetted. I applied for a Software Development course at ______________ in _________, Australia as the first step of my career.

    I have always had an interest in Programming especially the fields that relate to gaming and software. I wish to develop my knowledge and skills in this area in order to become an excellent programmer and a developer. It is one of my dreams to contribute to the development of this field in my country; however, my country has not taken such a great step in this field. Before leaving for Australia, my parents who strongly believe in art, responsibility, achievement and money management, made terms and conditions regarding the living arrangements and tuition fees. That I will pay for my own tuition through work, and in return, they will provide for my living expenses. I arrived in Australia on February 2012, and regardless of the radical shift in culture and educational systems, I excelled in my new setting. I worked two jobs within 20 hours a week; I successfully paid my tuitions fees for two semesters and completed Certificate III in Program in Information, Digital Media and Technology (Applications) and a Certificate IV in Programming. Although I did exceedingly well there, in December 2012, as I was renewing my student visa for my Diploma, a sudden death in our family had fallen upon us which lead to me leaving Australia as soon as the semester ended, and due to the events that affected me and my family, the requirements for the renewing of my visa were incomplete. After consulting a few of my lecturers, I decided to apply for the ___________ Scholarship.

    My personal achievements exceed beyond school; in 2009, I won the __________________________ for Excellence in Arts which is a Presidential and National Award in the Philippines. In the same year, I won 4th place in the _______________ for Computer Enhancement in Photography. In 2011, I directed a short film titled “______” that became a finalist the 2011 – _______ Film Festival and was also nominated for Best Child Actor and Best Lead Actor.

    Behind my achievements is a strong desire to learn. I hope to complete my first released game over the next two years and one day become a founder, president and CEO of a successful game and software developing company to return the favour for the knowledge my lecturers and teachers have given me and to the gaming industry. Philosophy and gaming has taught me to evaluate life and my experience. It’s through that that I hope to become an instrumental member of society and the industry, using all of my energies to bring about constructive change and create a path to the world of gaming, not only for myself but also for others.
    This scholarship will provide me an opportunity to experiencing this industry; I believe this will open my path into the gaming industry. This scholarship will become a springboard and my first step towards my goals. If I get this scholarship, I plan to put everything I've learned in game design, the mechanics, the design, the elements, the genres and the audience, through practice and real life experience and contribute to society and the future of the gaming industry. Hence, my immediate goal is to learn and become skilled in all aspects of game design.

    "A great idea is meaningless. A great idea that leverages your existing technology, gets the team excited, is feasible to do on time and budget, is commercially competitive, and, last but not least, floats the boat of a major publisher... Now you have something." – Ken Levine

    Growing up with two brother who didn't enjoy sharing our first console or any console with me and with parents that strongly believes in “You reap what you sow” and with hard work always come with rewards, I strongly believe that if I get this opportunity, with my passion, creativity, determination, hard work and skills, and your education, facilities and staff, not only can I contribute but also make a mark in the gaming industry and to the world.
    I sincerely hope that my qualifications and educational experiences will meet your high requirements and I would like to thank you in advance for considering my application, and I am looking forward to your reply.

    Sincerely,

    ________________
     
  2. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    sorry to say, you're not allowed to post work for review/help until you've fulfilled the site requirements... but if you send it to me as an ms word document attachment, i'll be glad to help you with it...

    meanwhile, welcome to the forums!

    love and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com
     
  3. PrettyAwkward
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    PrettyAwkward New Member

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    Sorry for doing so. :(

    Thank you for your help, mammamaia! :) I'll send you a copy to your email as soon as I can! :)
     

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