1. Arashi
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    Arashi New Member

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    Sci-fi/Psychological Story For Shonen Demographic

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Arashi, Jun 14, 2013.

    -content deleted-
    I'll repost later with character designs, scene examples, and such :)
    Thanks for your response
     
  2. Juju Bagdasarian
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    Juju Bagdasarian Member

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    i love manga and i believe many people here do to , if you have no problem sharing your work of the character design then i would really like to take a look :)
    and welcome i see you are new.
     
  3. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    I'd love to read the story, but this isn't it ...yet...

    Hi Arashi! Well, so far you've just given us a synopsis of a complex story idea, which—unfortunately—yes, is a bit boring to read.

    Nothing wrong with the story idea itself. It's well thought-out and potentially very exciting and interesting ...but you haven't actually written a story yet.

    Don't be too quick to ask for everybody's opinion. Just write the story as you see it happening. Make the characters come alive by letting us into their heads, having us see what THEY see, the way THEY see it. Do this as well as you can, finish the thing, and THEN look for feedback.

    You want this to be your story, I presume. If you let other people in too soon, you'll be in hesitation mode the whole time, constantly looking for approval and feedback at every stage. I can pretty much guarantee this will not improve either your storytelling skills OR your story itself. Furthermore, you'll end up writing somebody else's story.

    Just let go of inhibition, and write. I'm sure you can do it; you seem to have a very fluent imagination, and understand your genre. Just let that confidence flow. Worry about people liking it, after you've got it all down to your own satisfaction. I will look forward to reading your first draft. Good luck.
     
  4. Arashi
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    Arashi New Member

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    Thanks, I'll post some soon. It seems like I need to wait for 7 days before posting link or image ^^"
     
  5. Arashi
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    Arashi New Member

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    Thank you :)

    Sorry that it is boring. I didn't post the whole story because 1. My English isn't good, it takes a very very long time to translate from my native language by myself, 2. I haven't actually write the story as I'm more inclined to use spoken narrative, illustrations and diagrams when discussing it, moreover the final format will be manga so writing it as storyboards is much easier, and 3. It'll be very, very long. Estimated length as manga is about 12-13 volume. I haven't post character profiles because I'm not sure if anyone would read that (I'm not even sure what to write here, actually... so I just post the synopsis); there are 6 main characters and each have their own back story, goal, motivation, personality, way of thinking; it'll be quite a stretchy post.

    It's not complex, really; basically it'll fit to the 'high school student gets superpower' sub-genre in shonen stories.

    Hmm. Not that I constantly look for approval. I only want to know if this somewhat interesting; if this is too boring, I may need to consider to work on other stories I have in mind. Since I only have time before October.

    Thanks for your feedback :)
     
  6. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Hi again, Arashi! I'm really sorry if I gave you the impression that I thought your story idea was boring! It's certainly not, or at least it won't be once you have it written. I see you're planning to mesh the psychological aspects with the action bits and all ...it will be great.

    I only meant that an outline—which is more or less what you've given us here—is not very exciting to read.

    We aren't inside the characters' heads at all. Yet. They are just ideas, names, and you're only telling us what they will do. It's not until we enter their world, and watch them thinking, speaking, feeling and interacting that this outline will become a story. That's when it will really grip our attention. You need to create that world and put them in it, and make them DANCE!

    I wish I hadn't used the word 'boring.' (I think it's because you said: Does the story bore you to death? I feel it's kind of boring ONLY because it's still an outline—it's NOT actually a story yet.)

    You have very interesting ideas, and the story has huge possibilites. Sorry if I made it sound 'meh.'
     
  7. Caramello Koala
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    Caramello Koala Member

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    I couldn't quite wrap my head around the plot but that is not to say it is bad, it is just hard to imagine in my head as it is only an outline and one that is intended for a manga at that. From reading manga and watching anime I can say with confidence that the plot is rarely as critical as the characterisation, pacing, and most importantly, the animation. I mean, how bad is the plot for Neon Genesis Evangelion on paper? But on the screen or manga it is simply an amazing work of art. If you were to write the plot for Ghost in the Shell down any human brain would just about explode from having to read it but because it's drawn out over a while and given to the viewer in manageable chunks, it leaves a good, lasting impression. I simply cannot comment on your plot because of this. It is too difficult to disconnect the plot from the manga, and you would need to show us your character concepts etc to receive any worthwhile critique. I'll say that as far as manga/anime plots go yours sounds pretty standard for a sci fi one, so just keep with it.
     

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