1. aua
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    aua New Member

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    Self-portrait (translation checked)

    Discussion in 'Publishing' started by aua, Jul 8, 2007.

    Dear you,
    I'm a new member from Vietnam. Now I'm working on translation of my qigong master's writings. I love all of them and want to share. The only problem is I'm a little bit afraid that I mis-convey the meaning before I can post it on web. Would you please let me know where I can have my translation reviewed by anyone who understand English. I really appreciate your suggestion. Sorry if I’m raising a question in an inappropriate forum.
     
  2. Shiranai-san
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    Shiranai-san Senior Member

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    Um, I understand English but grammar...iffy with me...
     
  3. aua
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    aua New Member

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    Ok, then I just try one. Please have feedback. I do appreciate your comment for phrases or sentences vague somehow.
    Ba Gan was having fun with his friends and got a little bit drunk. . . .
    He fell into sleep soundly and in the dream, he found himself in a School of Devil training. . . .

    A buffalo-headed devil was pointing at a mantra carved into a rock table …He said:

    - Dear my sons. . . You are going to earth to seize depraved souls to Hell. . . The best methodology is to incite one "to paint self-portrait". . . Through the painting, you can determine who must be captured to Hell.

    A horse-faced devil asked:

    - Human beings are experts of acting and pretended morality . . . Through so-called the 'self portrait', they are likely to make it as the common opinion of the crowd psychology group that living around them or by what people may want to see. . . How can we recognize their nature ?

    - Do not worry . . . This is the mantra. . . it makes the self-portrait 'show' real image inside the painter's mind while one is painting. . . All you have to do is remember and draw it on the self-portrait, you will immediately know the real face of the painter. . . . Hehe! . . . There are a few drunk and sleepwalkers around here. . . I will make them paint their "self-portraits" and you see. . . .

    The buffalo-headed Devil gave hand signal. . .

    A lot of people in their dream lost their way to the hell. They were all taken to a room and asked to draw their self-portrait, after that they would be released to home. . . .

    At first, a high rank official. . . with big round face & big belly. . . On his self-portrait. . . the buffalo-headed devil placed the mantra, it shows a big big gold piece . . .!

    Followed by a Buddhist monk. . . walking and reciting prayers and suffling the wooden bead ring . . . On his self-portrait. . . the buffalo -headed devil placed the mantra, it shows a chair. . .!

    A famous speaker who often makes speech in pulbic. . . On his self-portrait. . . the buffalo -headed devil placed the mantra, it shows a parrot. . .!

    An elegant lady holding a pile of project profiles, mobiphone, laptop. . . O n her self-portrait. . . the buffalo -headed devil draw the mantra, it shows a rice jar. . .!

    . . .so on. . . .and. . so on. . .

    Lots of people there and so many self-portraits were made. . .

    Suddenly the buffalo-headed devil pointed at Ba Gan hiding place and said:

    - Hey, you!. . . come here and draw your self-portrait. . .

    Ba Gan statled and terrified, intended to run away. . . then he fell down to the ground. . . .

    . . . .

    He awoke. . .

    Looking at his self-portrait hung in the middle of the room, he sighed:

    - Is it myself?!. . . or the person that the society want me to be?!. . . .
     
  4. Shiranai-san
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    Shiranai-san Senior Member

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    I am too tired to get to it right now, alright? I will look at it later, I promise...but I didn't count myself on being so tired...
     
  5. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    dear aua...
    i mentor many writers all over the world whose first language is not english and i'm constantly doing this sort of translation 'polishing'... you can email me for help at any time...

    here's a sample:

    love and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com
     

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