1. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    squished off?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by jazzabel, Aug 14, 2013.

    I need a verb that will conjure up the sound of wet boots, as they are walking down the corridor.

    This is what I have so far:

    Is there a better way of saying this? Help if you can :) Thanks!
     
  2. Thomas Kitchen
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    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    Squelched? Splashed?
     
  3. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    I have no idea which is best though, they all sound good to me :D
     
  4. Thomas Kitchen
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    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    Well obviously it depends on your age group, but squished sounds a little childish (and humourous) to me, but if that's what you want, then choose that one. For something a bit more serious, choose one of mine. :)
     
  5. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    Cool, thanks for the explanation! It's a crime novel, and I wanted to have a slightly light-hearted observation, but not exactly humorous. I might go with 'splashed' then. Would it be "splashed down the corridor"? 'Splash down' means land into water, will that be confusing?
     
  6. Thomas Kitchen
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    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    I wouldn't have thought so. As long as it's in context and make sure you tell the reader the MC's boots are soaking, they should understand. :)
     
  7. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    It'll be clear from the preceding chapter. Thanks! :)
     
  8. matwoolf
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    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    Me, me, me

    Kelly placed the cup upon Elliot’s desk. She kissed her man goodbye and he watched how, heading long the corridor, her sodden footwear spread a puddle with every step. He growled, imagining the hot, black mud oozing past the eyelets of those tiny boots.
     
  9. Thomas Kitchen
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    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    This works well, but again, it depends what you're going for. That sentence seemed a little purple to me, but obviously that's just my opinion. Experiment and see what works best with both your style and the characters' situation at the time.
     
  10. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    @matwolf: Thank you, but I need one verb, one word only. And Elliot can't see her, the corridor is outside. ;)
     
  11. matwoolf
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    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    OKAY THOMAS

    dr 2

    Kelly placed the cup upon Elliot’s desk. He watched how her boot spread a puddle with every step.


    fogoodnessake purple, first time eva
     
  12. Thomas Kitchen
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    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    That's better. ;)
     
  13. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    Eliot isn't there to see her. I like 'spreading puddles' but I'm determined to use just one verb, to describe the sound of squishy wet boots on a polished floor. :D
     
  14. matwoolf
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    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

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    Okay, look I'll go in a sec. But 'wet verb' plus 'wet noun' at the end may be less effective in the mind's eye than a word like 'walked' or 'marched.'

    Thomas, hey hey ;)
     
  15. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think squished works okay (without really knowing the tone of the rest of the book.) I don't think "splashed" makes any sense -- it conjures up an image of actually stepping or jumping into water, which I presume is not the case here, unless there are a lot of puddles in the hallway.
     
  16. Thomas Kitchen
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    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    Really? See I would say that it works just fine, as long as it's in context. If I were reading it with the word "splashed", then I would presume that the water was splashing around inside her boots. Maybe that's just me. :rolleyes:
     
  17. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    [MENTION=38553]chicagoliz[/MENTION]: That was what I thought originally, but 'squished' sounded a bit high-pitched, somehow. Back to square one then.
     
  18. jannert
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    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    You could make up a word, like squelp, or shlurp, or shloop...
     
  19. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Definitely NOT "splashed down" - that makes it sound like she's wading through a river, which would simply be hilarious and cause me to stare wide-eyed at the story lol.

    Squished off sounds cute - it makes me think of a child sneaking off going squeak squeak squeak. I like it personally - I don't think it's a real phrasal verb but the meaning is clear, so I think it's fine.

    Otherwise, in terms of real words, squelched is the one you want, I believe. Her boots squelched as she padded down the corridor, or something like that.
     
  20. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    I prefer squelched
     
  21. JetBlackGT
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    I've always used "squelched" but have no idea where it came from. I also describe the way water shoots out of the eyelet holes in shoes, with the first couple of steps. :)
     
  22. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    Cool, thanks guys! 'Squelched' sounds good :)
     
  23. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    Yeah, really. But this sort of decision is what writing is all about. Ultimately, it will be up to jazz to figure out what works best, knowing that different words will give different connotations and images to different readers. When I think of the word "splash" the immediate image that comes to mind is of being in a swimming pool and using one's arms to force a quantity of water into the air. My next image is of someone jumping in water that is lining a street or walkway. But always, I think of an outward trajectory of some relatively large quantity of water that results in making the splasher, as well as anyone and anything nearby, wet. I wouldn't at all think of the water as being contained in something small, such as a boot.

    I do find this interesting, though, because that image is so strong for me that it would not have occurred to me that it was subject to a different interpretation, such as the one you describe. But this sort of thing is what creates the possibility for widely differing interpretations of a story, since all readers will have different pre-conceived images with respect to particular words or phrases. I think this illustrates well how someone could write something that he or she thinks is very clear, yet a reader will be confused or have some wildly different take-away than the writer intended.
     
  24. Pheonix
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    Pheonix A Singer of Space Operas and The Fourth Mod of RP Staff Contributor

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    I like 'squished' :) It sounds a little silly, but charming. If that isn't the tone you're going for though, squelched works just fine.
     
  25. shadowwalker
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    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'm just curious as to why it has to be just one word and one word only. Why not go for what works best, whether one word or a phrase? :confused:
     

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