1. Moira
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    Moira Member

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    Stupid Sentence... Grr...

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Moira, Apr 10, 2009.

    Make this sentence make sense if you can. Lol.

    He set me onto the passenger seat with ease...

    Thanks!
     
  2. lynneandlynn
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    lynneandlynn Contributing Member

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    It already makes sense...although I have no clue in what context he is setting you on the seat.

    ~Lynn
     
  3. Moira
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    Moira Member

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    She's hurt, so he's setting her down onto the seat with ease.
     
  4. Castlesofsand
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    Castlesofsand Banned

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    Gently he set me down on the passenger seat

    or

    He gently set me down on the passenger seat

    or

    He, with ease, set me down on the passenger seat

    or

    He, with ease, set me on the passenger seat
     
  5. RIPPA MATE
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    He gently set me on the passenger seat.

    if your still vexed scrap the whole sentence and rewrite, if your still not happy rewrite the paragraph.
     
  6. lynneandlynn
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    lynneandlynn Contributing Member

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    Lol, what the poster above me said :)

    ~Lynn
     
  7. That Silly Welsh Guy
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    That Silly Welsh Guy Senior Member

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    I happen to agree with both Rippa Mate and Lynn - scrapping it is probably the best call if you're that annoyed by how it's fitting in with your paragraph as a whole.
     
  8. Moira
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    Moira Member

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    I like it, it just sounds strange to me for some reason. I mean it makes sense it's just a weird sentence.

    His face was clouded with dark rage, his eyes completely black. Growling loudly he shoved Savannah backwards. Her feet lifted far off the ground as she went soaring into a nearby tree. Sydney scooped me in his arms and raced me back to the car. He set me onto the passenger seat with ease. The color of his black eyes frightened and intrigued me. I wanted to stare into the dark pools, get a better look at them, but he turned his head away as if ashamed.

    I dunno, maybe the whole thing should go but it's really important, lol.
     
  9. architectus
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    architectus Banned

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    I have an idea. But first the first sentence. What about his face clouded over with dark rage?

    Shiould there be a comma after growling louldy? I need to ask a question about the rule of placing commas after introductory words, phrases, and clauses. I don't think I fully grasp that rule.

    As if I were fragile, he eased me into the passengers seat.

    Or, he eased me into the passengers seat.

    Hope that helps.
     
  10. KP Williams
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    KP Williams Contributing Member

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    "With ease" makes it sound like he did it easily, not gently. "Easily" as in, it was a simple thing to do. Keeping with the same overall wording, I would say:

    Gently, he set me down on the passenger seat.

    Although I have an inexplicable urge to replace "on" with "in," even though I know that it's probably better to say on. o_O
     
  11. Moira
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    Moira Member

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    I know, on and in, at and in, it's so confusing. Lol.
     
  12. zorell
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    zorell Contributing Member

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    I personally think you should combine the sentence with the one before it:

    Sydney scooped me in his arms and raced me back to the car, gently settng me down on the passenger seat.

    or something of the like.
     
  13. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    "set me onto" is awkward, imo... i'd suggest changing to "set me down on"... and dump "with ease" as it not being hard for him to do makes no sense, since he's already carried her there...
     
  14. lynneandlynn
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    lynneandlynn Contributing Member

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    ^ I agree with Maia here. Seeing the sentence in its context made a lot more sense than the sentence by itself...the way you have it right now is rather awkward.

    I'd also think about combining that sentence with the one before it...especially since you have Sydney scooping the person up. To me, the "with ease" is unnecessary because "scooping" someone up is an indication of how light they are. Just my thoughts.

    ~Lynn
     
  15. Moira
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    Moira Member

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    Thanks guys! Lol. You're right, that does sound better.
     
  16. Atari
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    Atari Active Member

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    It's simple, yet gets a point across and is coherent.

    What's the problem?

    I don't like the, "He gently set me. . ." that the other guy used to 'correct' your sentence.
    Why? Because the '. . . with ease. . . ." really emphasizes the fact that he did it easily.


    Edit: Also, if you don't like 'onto,' then you can use 'upon,' which is the most apt word I can think of.
     
  17. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    the 'with ease' part makes little to no sense, because setting someone down would be easy... it's the picking up and carrying that requires effort...

    and if you use 'set me' then 'onto' isn't quite grammatical... should be just 'set me on'... or, in this case, 'set me down on'...
     
  18. Atari
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    Atari Active Member

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    At the risk of yet ANOTHER infraction, I'm going to disagree and say that setting someone down can be quite difficult if you are weak and/or if the thing/person you are setting is heavy.

    Why, just the other day I set down a dresser and blast it if it was not easier to lift up than to set down. (Particularly, because I'm trying to set it down gently. If I let it down hard, of course it would be easier)
     
  19. lynneandlynn
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    Haha! This reminds me of the things I sometimes have to carry at work...they're easy to lift but they're *so* heavy and *so* big that I can't see over the top of them in order to see where I'm trying to put it down at. A lot of guesswork is involved in that ><

    ~Lynn
     
  20. syrec
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    syrec Member

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    How about "He eased me onto the passenger seat"?
     
  21. KP Williams
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    Unless you're trying to call attention to the carrier's strength, then it really doesn't matter if it was easy to do or not. If he's carrying someone who's hurt, I think it's more important to let the reader to know that he handled his bundle with care. Saying "with ease" gives me the impression that he more or less dropped the person on the seat.
     
  22. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    Unless you're trying to call attention to the carrier's strength, then it really doesn't matter if it was easy to do or not. If he's carrying someone who's hurt, I think it's more important to let the reader to know that he handled his bundle with care.

    ...exactly!
     
  23. lynneandlynn
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    lynneandlynn Contributing Member

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    :-D

    Um that's an agreement face, btw.

    ~Lynn
     
  24. Atari
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    Atari Active Member

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    That's not how I see it, since the word 'set' is a fairly specific word.

    You don't 'set' someone down and really mean 'dropped'.
     

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