1. Kendria Perry
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    Kendria Perry Member

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    Terrible Literature Jokes (that make you want to die)

    Discussion in 'Book Discussion' started by Kendria Perry, Apr 28, 2013.

    Sorry for posting so much, but I read this thread on another site that was simply hilarious: http://forums.sonicretro.org/index.php?showtopic=28653 I thought it would be cool if we could do that here.

    What would you call a crossover between a Hemingway book and a Grimm's fairy tale?

    The Old Man And The Pea.

    At Humpty Dumpty's funeral, what were their (the Grimm's) expressions?

    They looked pretty grim.

    What is an umpire standing in a grain field called?

    A Catcher In The Rye.

    What insult Humbert could've used towards Quilty?

    Clare Guilty.

    What do you call a 12-14 year old girl in a Gothic Lolita costume?

    A Gothic Nymphet. (somebody shoot me)
     
  2. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    you should ask a mod to move this to the 'lounge'... it doesn't belong up here, where actual writing issues are discussed...
     
  3. Michael O
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    Michael O Contributing Member

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    damn-it girl! Older than me mum's feet and twice as corny they are.

    Ya shooting yerself in the foot already. Just make better aim......evacuate yer-own noggin.
     
  4. jonahmann
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    jonahmann Active Member

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    Charles Dickens: Please, sir, I’d like a martini.

    Bartender: Sure thing. Olive or twist?

    ———-

    James Joyce: I’ll take a Guinness.

    Bartender: So Charles Dickens was in here yesterday.

    James Joyce: (drinks)

    Bartender: And he asked for a martini and I said, “Olive or twist?”

    James Joyce: (drinks)

    Bartender: You see, it’s funny because he wrote a book called “Oliver Twist.”

    James Joyce: What a shitty joke.

    ___________

    Ernest Hemingway: Gin.

    Bartender: So Charles Dickens was in here two days ago.

    Ernest Hemingway: Joyce already told me that story. F*ck off.

    __________

    Mark Twain: Give me a brandy.

    Bartender: So Charles Dickens came in the other day and ordered a martini.

    Mark Twain: Did he take an olive or twist? Ha ha ha!

    Bartender: (tearful) You did that on purpose, didn’t you?

    ___________

    Virginia Woolf: I’ll take your second-best cognac and unadulterated experience.

    Bartender: We don’t have that. This is a bar.

    Virginia Woolf: Patriarchy! (drowns herself)
     
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  5. Selbbin
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    Selbbin I hate you Contributor

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    A chicken walks into the library. It goes up to the desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook". The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian saying: "book, bok, bok, bok, boook". Again the librarian gives it a book, and the chicken runs out. The librarian shakes her head. Within a few minutes, the chicken is back, returns the book and starts all over again: "boook, book, bok bok boook". The librarian gives him yet a third book, but this time as the chicken is running out the door, she follows it. The chicken runs down the street, through the park and down to the riverbank. There, sitting on a lily pad is a big, green frog. The chicken holds up the book and shows it to the frog, saying: "Book, bok, bok, boook". The frog blinks, and croaks: "read-it, read-it, read-it".
     
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  6. jonahmann
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    jonahmann Active Member

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    I thought the punchline was going to be

    Within a few minutes, the chicken is back, returns the book and starts all over again: "boook, book, bok bok boook". The librarian gives him yet a third book, but this time the chicken says "actually, I would prefer something by Joyce..."
     
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  7. Selbbin
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    Selbbin I hate you Contributor

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    Love it. :)
     
  8. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    Where does Dorian Gray shop?

    Forever 21.

    :rofl:
     
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  9. jonahmann
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    jonahmann Active Member

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    Why did Hemingway's chicken cross the road?

    To die, alone, in the rain.
     
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  10. Selbbin
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    Selbbin I hate you Contributor

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    A man walks into a book shop and says, ‘Can I have a play by Shakespeare?’ ‘Of course, sir,’ says the salesman. ‘Which one?’ The man replies, ‘William.’
     
  11. Selbbin
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    Selbbin I hate you Contributor

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    A writer sends his manuscript to a publisher with a note saying, ‘None of the characters in this story bear any resemblance to any person living or dead.’ The publisher sends back the book with a note saying, ‘That’s what’s wrong with it.’
     
  12. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    That was certainly fowl, almost enough to make one want to croak.
     
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  13. Okon
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    Okon Contributing Member Contributor

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    My god. They will invent a Nobel category for this... machine.
     

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