Okay. Time to break this more. Jack's expression instantly soured when [character name deleted; I do not own copyright to her] shook free of it; he squinted angrily, jaw clenching. I could not understand this. Okay a name is deleted but when I add a random name just to read it. Jack's expression instantly when Valorie shook free of it; Shook free of what? I get this is the middle of a scene but you could have perhaps backed it up a bit or rephrased the sentence and changed it to what it is since we don't know here. You also seem to be double talking here. You describe how his face changed twice it seems. Seems to be no reason for it. As she swung for him apparently with every intent to incapacitate him again, his hand shot out to catch her wrist; he yanked her forward off the chair and spun her in a quick, precise movement so that she landed with her back against his cool chest, her arm wedged up between her shoulder blades. This feels like a run on sentence. First I don't think you need "as" here. So if I were to rewrite it. I would go with something like. Jack's expression soured when Valorie shook free of it. She swung at him with what seemed like the pure desire to incapacitate him again. He shot his hand out and caught her wrist yanking her out of her chair. With a precise twist he caused her to land against his cool chest with her back; her armed wedged up between her shoulder blade. He clamped his other arm around her waist to hold her firmly as bent down placing his mouth softly next to her ear. "If you want to leave this room," Jack whispered like a hiss though his clinched teeth. "I suggest you listen." He spun her back around to face him, his grip was cold but firm. I lost you here. Taser? Like the weapon? When did that come into place. Also is she saying let me go? Yet in this paragraph it comes off as him saying it. Yet there seems to be no reason I can gather for him to say it. Isn't he holding her? Even if you established the taser weapon sooner it needs more establishment then it being used. It needs its own sentence establishing that. I am guessing she had the taser and she used it causing him pain prompting him to demand to be let go but it isn't clear either way. Okay it should be said. I am not an expert. Just so you know but I hope in either case my words help you.
Well, my interpretation of the two main PoV is that 3rd person is like describing the action in a film (the thing you're trying to avoid, if I've understood correctly) while 1st person can be compared to telling someone a story. They're both ways to tell a story, but I feel a 1st person PoV feels less like a film than 3rd. Reading your post again, I think I've misunderstood. I thought you were asking how to avoid your writing sounding like a film, but I see that's not what you're asking.
That sounds like a great idea. Don't change your style of writing if you don't want to, but experiment with writing from a different perspective. Perhaps you'll be able to explain what is going on within that cinematic image of yours. Also, have you ever tried listening to music and shutting out your muse or anyone you live with? This greatly assists me in developing the proper atmosphere to get creative. Some people try listening to whatever they typically listen to and I don't always find that useful. I search for specific tracks to amplify certain emotions/tones between characters you want to write about. Hope this helps.
I could certainly try writing from the first-person PoV. It has been quite a while. I have not found music to be helpful in creativity whatsoever -- I need a stone-cold, butt-naked-silent room. That being said, I've also never thought to try listening to something my characters would enjoy as opposed to what I like. I could try that, but I would need to figure out what the hell they listen to first... I have never asked them.
Or perhaps just an instrumental that you heard from a movie somewhere. Something that fits exactly what you are picturing in your mind.
I feel like that would just compound the cinematic problem, though. Now I have two layers of non-text to try to transcribe onto a page!
This is how I come up with all my ideas, since I'm a visual person. I never realized it was much of a problem until I wrote on one of my novels, took a break for a few weeks, looked back and realized I wrote WAY too much detail. It sucked because IMO it was my most unique and creative book idea I had ever come up with. The more I toiled over it the more I came to find out that I wanted to be a Screenwriter. So now I want to be a Screenwriter/Director/Producer, and write a novel here and there (Books can give way more detail, plus you know the MC's thoughts) Like you, fight scenes are extremely hard. I usually go with the "They then became locked in a quick paced hand-to-hand combat" kind of thing if the fight in my head is long. If it's a few movements I'll try and describe it the best I can. For example: "I decided enough was enough and I thrust my arm out, trying to nail him in the jaw, however he was faster than I thought and he elegantly swiped my arm to the left, causing my to trip and fall on my face."
I actually wanted to work in comic books, and would still love to, but I started writing my comic stories out in prose form, so I'd have a way of posting them online (in my pre-scanner-and-graphics-software days). I got used to the medium and enjoyed it, so I kept going. But, I still think about my story with framing and camera angles, etc, in mind
This thread just inspired me to go attempt to take my cinematic image of a fight scene and translate it to words. I'll probably post it for critique later when I'm sure I'm OK with it.
I'm a visual person so I fall more into screenwriting than novel writing. But damn it, you're right. What I visualize in my head sometimes might require a refined sense of vocabulary that I may or may not have. Gotta read more. Writing a fight scene in a screenplay can be easy. "They fight". It's that simple. Sucks to be you novel writers.
>:[ Well, at least we can use words to create fictional universes and encourage imagination. *ba-ZANG!* But seriously, my main problem now is trying to figure out exactly the fight scene to write. It's either a training session or a fight-for-your life session and I feel compelled to start the scene via talking to set up the atmosphere. Oi vey.
Woohoo! I'm an inspiration! I wanna read it once it's up, don't let me miss it! Well, I mean, we could just write "they fight" but then nobody knows how they fought. You cinema people have the advantage of cameras and actors to do your visuals for you... spoiled brats.
I won't. Just need to figure out whether to make it a training/fight scene or a fight-for-your life/fight scene.
Why not both? You could write it as a training scene and then write it again as a survival scene and then you'll never have to wonder!
