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  1. KastOff
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    KastOff New Member

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    The Flying Dutchman

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by KastOff, Dec 31, 2007.

    I was inspired to write this after watching Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

    I am sure it isn't formatted correctly. Can someone give it proper punctuation and format? Thanks


    bathed in blue , the oceans hue , of salt and brine , ten years in time , a decade at last , on the dutchmen has passed , sail home today , sail home at last , a lover waits , with chest in hand , to free you from your task at last.
     
  2. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    I'd recommend dispensing with the the commas, make each line a separate, um, line. If it's meant to be more than one verse, then put an aextra blank line between verses.

    In poetry, where to put the line breaks is an important decision for the poet.
     
  3. Shreyass
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    Shreyass Senior Member

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    Nice work though, thats a piece of poetry I actually like :D (and I'm not much into poetry)
     
  4. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    that's the proper format for a poem, but why couldn't you have done that yourself?... that said, it needs work to work well... would be better arranged like this:

    and better still, with no repeated rhyme words and attention paid to sense, line length and meter, perhaps like this:

    hope this helps... but next time, i suggest you work on your piece more on your own, before posting, and not ask others to do the basic work for you... it's easy enough to look at good poetry on the web, to see what makes a poem work and how to structure one...

    love and hugs, maia
     

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