1. Jowettc
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    Jowettc Contributing Member

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    Thriller problem...

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Jowettc, Mar 11, 2012.

    I'm in the process of writng up a sci-fi space thriller short story.

    I'm toying with the idea of writing it as if it was an actual police report but I think it's not possible. I see the main problem being the impersonality and the amount of descriptions required to make it believable. I think it's going to make it very dry as a story.

    Example:

    By the time I had arrived at berth Sigma fourteen on docking arm number nine, the security personnel had already secured the entry points and established a cordon around the vessel. Docking crews in red and blue jumpsuits wandered around the area, clearly anxious to intrude on the scene. My first actions were to ensure that the integrity of the vessel and the crime scene would be preserved. Security Chief Brazier and several of his plain-clothes staff were already in attendance.

    Does anyone know of a writer that has done this or something similar or is just not worth the effort? I can changed it back to a standard story - just toying with the idea for now.
     
  2. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    As you say, it's a dry approach. One could even say arid.

    I see no advantage in laying it out that way to the reader. You could have the same focus on procedure with more feeling by having the lead investigator arrive at the scene and having to stop someone from contaminating the crime scene. The character could then direct various staff to do certain tasks.

    Just a small amount of conflict can turn an utterly lifeless scene into something than makes the reader sit up and take notice.

    If you want to keep all your staff looking like competent professionals, then have a civilian, trying to be helpful, getting in the way.
     
  3. picklzzz
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    picklzzz Senior Member

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    I just read a story in Ellery Queen that was similar. I forget the title. It was a conversation between two old men, one of whom killed someone they both hated from the day. Then, they end up both killing each other through the story - one by poison, and the other by something else, and at the end, one dies while the other is arrested, and the whole story turns out to be his confession. It was a cool ending, and the way they did it, it wasn't cold nor impersonal. It think it was the last issues - not the current one.
     
  4. Jowettc
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    Jowettc Contributing Member

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    @picklzz - couldnt find it - if you see it again chuck me a link would ya?
     

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