I've been told that i'm a natural. The gift of gab and what have you. It's almost enough to make me believe that I can literally **** words out of this chaotic skull and they will, in some way, move you, the brave reader. You may not be brave in action, but if you are allowing my thoughts and clever word arrangements to enter into your sphere of influence then, at the very least, mental fortitude would be a virtue you possess. I, am a ****ing mess, a beautiful monster, hell bent on its own destruction or pure liberation, it's all a coin flip from here. That doesn't make me anything worth admiring. It makes me someone who, from a young age, became equipped with the ability to endure a **** load of pain; and though it may have yielded some decent results in terms of tangible intellect and insight, it, by no means, makes me an authority on anything except how to suffer with a modicum of grace. All i know is that instead of watching the movie i recently pirated from a nefarious torrent tracker, I sat down to write. Hopefully, in the universal scheme of things this can be seen as a willingness to fight the Weight. An assertion of will, if you will. ****. Did I really just use an emoticon? The damage may be too great already. Before a few nights ago, I have written nothing of value in years. Did my passion for the craft wane? No. Did my longing to be some sort of literary voice worth listening to diminish? No. So what happened? In a nutshell- women, smokes, booze, guilt, shame, and self loathing. There was a bit of rifling through other people's **** that they can't help but fling around like animals but in the end it was almost all me. I allowed my dreams and my higher self to wither and decay for the sake of satisfying some petty, ego-driven notion that I might not deserve accomplishment. Hopefully, sitting here writing whatever my internal narrator spouts off with, in some way, gives our universal governors some notion that I am desiring better circumstances; why else would a monkey, millions of years ago, ever bother opening it's yap?