1. Lumipon
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    Lumipon Member

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    What do you make of this character? (scene included)

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Lumipon, May 28, 2012.

    *Needs another deletion* What do you make of this character? (scene included)

    A re-post due to confusion.

    I apologize for any inconvenience.
     
  2. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    My dear, it was deleted - and likely this will be deleted again - because:

    1. You're meant to post things for feedback and critique in the Writing's Workshop section of the forum

    2. You're not allowed to do that unless and until you have more than 20 posts and been a member for 2 weeks. So that you get used to the site and site rules.

    3. You MUST post at least 2 constructive critiques within the workshop before you may post one of your own. For every one piece you wanna post of your own work, you must first have critiqued 2 new pieces. Whether it is deemed as "constructive critique" is up the the judgement of the mods - presumably Cognito I think.
     
  3. Owen8
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    Owen8 Member

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    Well, I think you did a great job of executing your goals with Asbel. I felt for the character and I definitely want to read more about him. I didn't like this paragraph though:

    "He felt rather pleased with his efforts as he navigated past the the groups of friends and schoolmates crowding the hallways and headed towards the roof. It was his favorite place. Mostly because no-one ever was there. Some found it odd. It's not that he disliked people, he just wasn't all that good with them. They didn't interest him, so it was hard to find anything to talk about. And it was fine with him. He didn't need other people to feel content. He didn't need anyone to validate his life."

    You did a wonderful job of showing us Asbel's character and traits and personality, and then this paragraph came and kinda ruined it. You basically showed us everything that you said in this paragraph, so it felt like a recap of what happened before, and in a way ruined the flow for me. I think if you just took the bolded part out, I would enjoy it much more.

    The dialogue and atmosphere felt very realistic, too. I maybe wouldn't mention PowerPoint specifically. In the future, there will probably be a new program. :) Between that and the texting, though, it didn't really feel like the future. Although that may not be important for now, as it doesn't affect characterization too much, which is what you wanted to critique. But I thoroughly enjoyed it.
     
  4. Lumipon
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    Lumipon Member

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    I apologize for any inconvenience I have caused.

    I didn't realize I was going against the rules there. I did know about the rules of the workshop, but thought that I could ask character related critique in here.

    Also, I received no notification on breaking rules, but perhaps that is because I should no better. >.>

    Well, just need to chill out for a few more days (and posts).
     

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