?

Which storyline is better?

  1. Storyline 1

    2 vote(s)
    66.7%
  2. Storyline 2

    1 vote(s)
    33.3%
  3. Neither...look at my suggestions

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  4. They are great in their own way

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. Charisma
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    Charisma Transposon Contributor

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    Which storyline is better?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Charisma, Aug 24, 2007.

    The background: (which is necessarily the same)
    Cassandra is a blind girl living in the Kingdom of Brunei. As she attains adulthood i.e. around 25, her dad decides to get her married. She doesn't want to, but being brought up in a backward area with little advancement she is forced to remain silent. Eventually, she steals some of her father's money and runs away from Brunei to a country in Middle East.

    Storyline 1:
    Cassandra meets a rather blunt person Fernandez at the airport. He eventually leads her to Mr. Ivan, the CEO of a leading language assistance company. He gives her a job of a CSR, with everything voice-operative for her. He gives her a deal that if she works for him for 1 year, she would get her eyes operated. She is threatened by Danielle, a woman who likes Fernandez, and her immediate boss Mrs. Isabelle, who doesn't like Cassandra for some funny reason. Eventually, thanks to Danielle, Fernandez leaves the company, trying to defend Cassandra. Out of the cooperate environment, Fernandez starts to warn Cassandra of Ivan's intentions, saying he wants to smuggle goods using her. In desire of eyesight, Cassandra ignores him to the limit he himself decides to take matters in his hands and gets killed. Cassandra eavesdrops Ivan who talks about Fernandez's murder, and Cassandra sinks in severe guilt. After an interval of 20 years, we meet Cassandra again, with her 10-year-old daughter Abby and her doting husband Samuel. She is still blind, but with the excuse that if she was unable to see truth without any distraction (eyes), how could she see it with it? Thus, it is not how much you have, but how do you manage what you have.

    Storyline 2:
    Cassandra meets Fernandez at the airport, who out of goodwill, offers her a ride to her hotel. On the way, she learns that Fernandez is a rather rich man with a potential to move higher and higher in life. She knows she holds no potential alone, without eyesight, so she traps him to marry her, hoping she would be able to have his money to herself. She attempts several times to steal his money, but to no avail. Finally, she gets pregnant, and desperately aborts the baby. Her mother-in-law finds out, and when she tells Fernandez he feels his mother does not like having a blind daughter-in-law, thus is lying and asks her to stop it and leave his cottage if it is intolerable. She dies on her way to someplace, thus when this happens Fernandez spends a sadistic night until he is confronted by Madeline, his sister. She explains to him what she found from Cassandra's drawers and what her lawyers told her. Thus he learns of the truth and in deep disappointment, divorces Cassandra and gives her a total of million dollars, asking her to leave his life and to never return. He meets her again, 20 years later, where we find Cassandra still blind with a 10-year-old daughter Abby and a doting husband Samuel. He asks her why didn't she get her eyes operated; she says that she was unable to see the right path without any distraction (eyes), how could she see it with it? Thus, it is not how much you have, but how do you manage what you have.

    Thanks! I know, this is kind of lengthy, but do help :)
     
  2. Eóin
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    Well, my guess is the first one, but it seems to lack a certain something... If only I could place my finger on it.
     
  3. Charisma
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    Charisma Transposon Contributor

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    Hmm...does it lack emotion? Originality? Realism? My guesses of what it might be weak in.
     
  4. Eóin
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    It lacks emotion, and while there is a problem, it seems that the path to the solution is both to threadbare and bogged down if you understand me. This might just be due to the fact it's a single paragraph.
     
  5. Charisma
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    Charisma Transposon Contributor

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    I see. I guess when I'll write it down it will seem more alive. Nevertheless, I think about it tomorrow. It's night here.
     

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