I think the title pretty much covers it. These are my rantings.
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  1. Okay! So, I had a thought today. For the first time in a long time, I have an iPod and headphones. And I'm listening to a comedian, Mitch Hedberg, and I accidentally pulled the ear phones out. Then, I put them in, and I missed the punch line of a good joke.

    So, this is what I think should be invented. Motion-activated headphones. That way, it'll pause when you accidentally rip headphones out of your ears, so you don't lose the point in a song (or the punch line to a good joke.)

    I think they'd sell.

    Anyway, that is my idea for the night. Now I should go to bed.
  2. My hopes/dreams were shot down today. *sigh* Cried for a while. Decided to buy a calendar to count down the days til I'm free of this place. Long, bad day. Talked to a few people who made me feel a bit better. (Thanks Matt.)
    Retail therapy starts tomorrow. Praying that tomorrow will be better and everything won't fall to pieces.
  3. So, have you ever had one of those days where everything starts out well, and you're all nice and happy, and then before you even realize anything has happened, the world falls to bits? well, if you haven't, you are very blessed. And if you have, I hope you don't have any more.

    Today was designated as "paint Emily's room" day, by my mother. My room was supposed to be painted four months ago. It shouldn't surprise some of you that my room is a very cautiously organized system of things and odd placements. No one else in the world understands my placement of things, but, it works for me. Immediately, my mother rips my organization to shreds. My blood pressure has shot through the roof, since everytime she finds a piece of my writing she starts to read it aloud in a very baby-ish tone of voice, which leads to me ripping the paper out of her hands and getting very, very defensive.

    The thing about my organizational system is that it's been in place for many years. (i.e. during all of the "ethan" years) So, you can imagine what came up. First to show itself, was the Ethan box. Where I put all my my Ethan-related stuff in. Second, was a love letter. And, as I read over it, I nearly cried. Third, was a stuffed animal he bought me a LONG time ago. When he bought it (err, well, when we got home and actually took a moment to breathe :p ) he told me to put it somewhere up high and could see everything, to remind me that someone was always watching over me. Corny, I know, but at the time, it was sweet.

    And the last thing to show itself was a scrapbook. My 11th birthday party, horrible hair (a red affro. no joke. my hairstylist was a dumbass.), but it really got me thinking about Ethan. I mean, there had to have been at least eight pictures of the boy on the page. It did that weird thing where I actually missed him, for some stupid reason.

    Now. I sit here, well aware that I succuumbed (sp?) to the temptation and texted Ethan, showing him the photograph. I am an idiot.

    Great night, huh?
  4. So, today. I was thinking. *scary face* About clouds. So. Here is a list. And a question. Tell me what cloud you are on.

    The Ground: You are suicidally depressed. If help is not found in a very short time period, there may be problems.

    Cloud 1: You have had a horrible day. You are generally depressed, but this is worse than you had expected.

    Cloud 3: You are not generally depressed, but your day has sucked. Nothing has gone according to plan, and there is a good chance that you have cried.

    Cloud 5: You've had a bad day. It hasn't been tremendously bad, but it hasn't been good. This provokes more anger than it does sadness. That is the difference between 3 and 5. Three = sad. Five = angry. Some people may have just three or just five days, and not have the other. Ever.

    Cloud 7: You've had a decent day. Nothing too bad has happened, nothing too good.

    Cloud 9: You have had a marvelous day. Things have gone swell. You're smiling, brightly, and generally happy. Cloud 9 is also known as Cloud J. Cloud J is for people who are obsessively "into" God, and he keeps that peaceful feeling. (Yes, j stands for Jesus) These sort of people stay on Cloud J for extended periods of time, occasionally dipping to Cloud 8, or escalating to Cloud 10, depending onthe circumstances of that day.

    Cloud 11: Stoned. This is generally a morphine or pot-induced cloud. But, on rare occassions, something so wonderful can happen that you reach this cloud naturally, without drugs. Birth of child, getting married, things like that.

    Cloud 13: LSD or hallucination-like highs.

    Clouds 15-17: These are other drug highs.

    Cloud 19: Dying. This is the point where oxygen flow has been cut off from your brain and you are literally about to die, and massive amounts of endorphins have been released.

    Cloud S: This is the cloud where you are so tired, it doesn't matter how good or bad your day was, you just need sleep.

    Even numbered clouds are the steps in between. So. Tell me. What cloud are you on?
  5. So happy. Happier than I've been in a long time. Smiling from ear to ear, feeling like myself again. It's beautiful.