A Soliloquy: I Think I'm Falling For Him

Why won't this guy just let me get over him? I know he can’t possibly like me because everyone says he only likes pretty girls. I know he can’t possibly like me because there’s this other gorgeous girl with a very peppy personality who is after him, and he doesn’t seem hostile toward her attention at all. Besides, I’m always misreading a guy’s signals, and it would be super-duper embarrassing to confess my feelings only to be shot down.

Still...

Why did he have to be chums with my younger brother? Why did he have to come with us on my family camping trip? Why did he have to ask me on the first night, “Do you want to go hiking with us?” And when we did, why did he have to turn back to look at me or slow down to walk beside me whenever I trailed behind? When I was trying to have a private moment with my best friend, why did he have to drag his chair to sit in front of me, so that we could “talk”? Why did my niece have to give him smores which he gave to me? Why did he have to touch my palm with his fingertips when he was handing me the smores? Why did his fingertips have to trail across my palm? Why did I have to question whether I was imagining that they were? Why did his fingertips have to scalding to the touch? Why did his eyes have to linger over mine while he was doing it? Why did we have to look at each other without saying anything? Why did he have to tease me by singing in broken Thai, “I love you! I love you!” Why did he have to grow that stupid beard overnight which made my knees weak because I’m a sucker for rugged-looking men? But then why did he have to be four years younger? Why did he have to attack me with a water balloon while I was reading alone, and then run off and pretend like he didn’t do it? Why did he have to ask everyone, “Hey, where’s Hats?” after I had snuck away from the group to take a nap. Why did he have to look at me and smile when my niece handed us both Hershey’s Kisses? Why did he have to sit next to me when we were at the picnic and press against me after he found out that I’m adverse to touch? Why did he have to get all butt-hurt when I made a comment that suggested I was calling him dumb, and then why did he have to look so happy when I genuinely apologized because I didn’t mean it and told him that I never thought that about him at all? Why, why, why?