Blog Entries from jim onion

  1. Can't Sleep

    So, I'm writing this blog at ~2:00 AM. On my phone because my dad couldn't remember his hotel membership password that would let me connect my laptop to the wifi. I have to be up in 7ish hours for my college orientation, and my skin is starting to itch and crawl just a little bit (as it almost always does in hotel beds), so now my psychosomatic anxiety is kicking in and I had to force myself to stop Googling about bed bugs. Definitely going to have to give myself a full body inspection in...
  2. *bucks Update

    Starting my third week tomorrow and I feel more comfortable. Worst part so far is still dealing with the customers who insist on being extra. *ding goes off in my headset for the drive-thru* *.01 seconds later* "HELLO?!" Who fucking raised you? Jesus Christ. And I'm being serious about that one. That actually happens. No exaggeration. Thee second they reach the speaker they start with a rude, demanding hello. Where are they in a rush to get to? Oh. That's simple. The three cars that...
  3. *bux

    Started my new job today. One thing I took away from Steven Pressfield's "War of Art" is that the areas in life where we experience resistance are often the areas we must forge into. Face your fears and all that. If only this useful reverse psychology was as easy to follow as it is to preach. I'm trying. Everything in my being was saying, "Don't let them convince you to work there. It will be bad. You won't like it. It will be too difficult." But how would my life turn out if I let it be...
  4. Ikigai

    The Japanese concept was shared with me by another user on here. I'd heard of "ikigai" before but had completely forgotten about it; back then it hadn't made nearly as significant an impression on me as it did recently. In English it's basically "finding your purpose". Purpose is a lot more than just figuring out what it is that you want to do. It's bringing value to the world through doing what you love *and* what you're good at, and making a living while you're at it. It's the balance of...
  5. Feb. 5th - a journal entry on mental health, willpower, and our environment

    So quite a lot has happened since my last entry, but the foremost thing on my mind is my WIP "No Man's Land"; specifically acedia, anhedonia, avolition, general depression and anxiety, and the ways in which those all contrast, compare, and tie together into a terrible knot. Reading about these is a must. Related to this, on the one hand I know fighting depression is necessary, but like the Dark Ones from Metro 2033 there is knowledge and wisdom if we listen and pay attention. There is always...
  6. Old Facebook Posts

    After joining Medium, I realized that if I wanted to be serious about establishing an online presence, I'd need to utilize at least two of the three big social media platforms: Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I don't feel like explaining why, but I chose the first two. I completely deleted my Instagram a long time ago, so I'll need to create a whole new one. Facebook, on the other hand, only needed to be reactivated. Going back through my old Facebook statuses and comments was... Well,...
  7. Medium

    Joined the site on a whim and suddenly my head hurts and I feel exhausted. A little too left-leaning and degenerate for my health, it would seem, but I'm more focused on sharing my writing. And there's still plenty of interesting and good stuff to read. Just have to painstakingly sift through the trash first, which I hadn't expected going into it. That's okay. Also, talk about information overload. I'll have to limit myself to reading just a couple things a day, max.
  8. Your Name - Revisited

    This must be what pure love is. The movie's a glimpse of it, like a glance at the sun. Its full force would blind you. Turn you to dust. The only emotions I feel as strongly in my day to day are frustration and anxiety. But here, there's something that makes my chest tight, stings my eyes, chokes me up, even after seeing it seven times. I know what will happen the whole way and yet it never fails to move me. At different points in the film the main characters wake up crying and ask...
  9. Cold Showers and Fasting

    Took my first cold shower in a couple weeks today. I've been sick lately. I'm not sure since I haven't done any research, but I feel like hot showers are better when you're sick, at least in terms of the steam helping the respiratory side of things. If you're having trouble staying hydrated though it might be better to just take a warm shower so you don't sweat. Anyway, feels good. Part of me knows I could do better. I still turn the hot water knob a half turn or so, which is barely...
  10. Indoor Soccer

    When I'm out on the pitch my inner white stallion takes over, untamed without reigns and saddle, free to gallop the wild great plains. First game of the rec league was last night. Playing keeper; I'd be omitting the fact that I'm incredibly out of shape if I only said I was playing the position because it's fun. I do enjoy it though, and I'm good enough at it. And I get to play the whole game which is nice. Means I'm getting the most out of my money. I also still had the gear and gloves,...
  11. Hypochondriac

    I've been sick for nearly two weeks now. I was slowly feeling better... but now I'm not so sure. I've had (admittedly slight) lockjaw and muscle tightness in my neck for the third day in a row now. There's no brown line where I got poked by that nail New Year's day (we were throwing out some wood at a friend's because they're renovating a new house), and no swelling or signs of infection. No other symptoms of tetanus... I don't think I have a fever, but I haven't actually taken my...
  12. Just Writing

    I've got several different ideas for novels incubating in my head. I've decided to change my approach and not be so vehemently opposed to writing in any way but chronologically, from start to finish. Here's an incredibly rough draft of a portion of a scene, from I-don't-know-what-point in one of my novels. --- "Do you know why women tend not to make great leaders, Max?" Arthur asked him. Steam rose from his coffee cup as he poured. Maxwell stared at him expectantly, slightly hunched...
  13. Spin - a documentary

    An absolutely incredible documentary. Just thought I'd share this on here for anybody who is interested in how media and news are manipulated. Never seen anything like this before, even though I've known about it for a long time. Knowing that something is going on, and actually SEEING it going on in a behind-the-scenes sort of way, are two different things.
  14. A Tentative Reading List for 2019

    I read at least a dozen books this past year and for 2019 I'm raising the bar to 25. How to Read Novels like a Professor by Thomas C. Foster How to Read Literature like a Professor by Thomas C. Foster We by Yevgeny Zamyatin 1984 by George Orwell Animal Farm by George Orwell Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury Brave New World by Aldous Huxley Brave New World Revisited by Aldous Huxley Island by Aldous Huxley Starship Troopers by Robert A. Heinlein The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood A Clockwork...
  15. Chronistic Perspective

    Time. I've been private messaging with a member on another writing forum for some time now. The modern version of a pen-pal you could say. We talk about all sorts of things. Sometimes politics. The messages are exceptionally long. Part of the last one he sent me was about how limited our perspective and understanding can be made by time. He's a history teacher. He knows better than I just how important studying the past can be. There are dangers in it of course: you don't want to get...
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