Blog Entries from Madman

  1. A Phantom for My Opera?

    Some days when I doubt myself and my abilities to write I think of employing a ghost writer. But in a bit of a different setup. I will write the first draft and then the potential ghost writer can refine it to a readable/enjoyable state. I love storytelling, and I love the creative process. But my produce just isn't up to par most of the time. Training is like trying to teach an old dog new tricks. I read, I watch, I practice... I learn? Yeah, sometimes I do learn. But I will continue to...
  2. Military Youth Camp Days

    When I was a teenager I attended a week long military youth camp. There I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I sucked at guiding an airplane bomb run. (I bombed the wrong city. In theory, not practice.) I got to shoot a .22 long. A cartridge got stuck in the loading mechanism, I thought something was wrong so I raised my hand and the instructor came. He just used force to guide the cartridge into where it was supposed to be. I thought the damn thing would explode in my face if I used...
  3. Something to say?

    Must a writer always have some underlying message in their fictional works? Or can they exist as mere entertainment and information? I don't know. Personally, I write to entertain and bring people to another reality, another universe. But even if I don't consciously implement messages, they are still there. In the shadows of my words. There is a suicide in one of my works and it seems portrayed like a pointless death. So, is that my eternal message about suicides? Not at all. I hold no...
  4. Geometric or Geomatian Numerals

    These are called Geomatian Numerals and were created by Countess Aductuine as her only good and lasting achievement. Countess Aductuine was born into a monarchy in the Bevarianne galaxy. She was raised to be a commander in the monarchy's fleet. Throughout her years, she schemed her way to power and fortune, leaving behind her a trail of sorrow. She was a slave owner who kept captives from many various cultures and alien races. Problems occurred when teaching her slaves to count, she found...
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  5. The Death of My Father

    My father killed himself when I was around ten years old. I can not remember the date nor even how old I actually was. Family members are the ones who need to remind me of the date and my age when I ask about his death. It struck me hard, I was nearly apathetic and very silent for many months afterwards, much contrary to my usual personality. When he died, it was like an awakening to a harsh truth. That everyone you will ever meet and love, can and will eventually perish. This set me back...
  6. Terrorism

    As far as I know, it was a Danish individual with dual citizenship who burned the Quran here in Sweden, him and an asylum seeker from Iraq. No actual Swede burned any Quran in a way that garnered so much attention, as far as I am aware. There are also conspiracy theories amongst extremists that the Swedish social agencies are stealing Muslim children. And here we are, with extremists chanting death against Sweden and dealing it because of a Dane and an Iraqi. If it wasn't serious I would...
  7. Exercise in futility?

    "When the mind is dumb, the body suffers," said my janitor co-worker to me in Swedish. That is true. Some years ago, I studided English at a university. I had decent grades and an excellent vocabulary. I only survived a few months before a mental illness took over. Nowadays it feels like my prime is gone. Like when I am trying to learn new things I can not do it. Getting new knowledge is like punching my meaty fists against a concrete wall. I feel stupid. I feel as though it is very hard...
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  8. Progress and living matter.

    My fictional universe is science fiction with a blend of fantasy. Immortals, dragons, gods, intricate architecture, billion year old civilisations spanning multiple galaxies, various alien species, and humans. I'm soon done with the fourth draft of my first book. Just two more chapters. It's still only around 65 000 words, so I need to get creative and add more scenes. It is very problematic that the main character's love interest only has around ten lines or somewhere around that in the...
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  9. Decaying Mind

    Sometimes it feels like my mind is slipping. Too many universes to keep track of. Or perhaps my psychosis sickness is making itself heard... not literally. I just feel so stupid at times. Like my mind is really decaying. I recently comissioned two artists for illustrations outside their expertise. It only occurred to me to search for the right artists after I had comissioned the first two. What the hell, mind? What the hell is going on? Years ago, I would not have made that mistake. I seem...
  10. Everyday War

    Every day or so I have to fight against my own hatred. I was attacked and beaten at night in a park years ago, really, years, and years ago. I should be over it. Yet my hatred still remains. And I have violent thoughts of vengeance. I never reported the attack to the police, which was a major mistake. Not just for my own sake, but for the sake of others. So now here I am, deep in my own dark thoughts, where I do everything imaginable to the perpetrators. Such is vengeance. It is not...
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  11. Draft One Completed

    I have now written to completion draft one of my first ever book. At sixty four thousand words (around 106 A4 pages) it sits ready for extensive edits, which is the next part of the process. It has taken me more than ten years to refine the world and around three years of writing the current draft. Though the end result lacks my contentment, I am confident that I will improve the work to the best of my ability. The story is about a grey skinned human who grows up in the slums of a city...
  12. Things I have done and regret, and the opposite.

    I don't have the greatest memory, so people sometimes have to remind me of the past. Sometimes they tell me what I've done and I feel ashamed. I sometimes wish I could time travel and take back or undo certain events. Especially the way I treated my brother when we grew up. It can be small things too, that I am ashamed of, such as how I responded to someone on a forum when I was of a younger age, or heck as an adult as well. But you can not change the past, you can only interfere with the...
  13. In Breach of Morality

    There are times when my heart moves to a vicious cycle, beating hot dark blood through my veins. Times especially when those who think to be important because of their status in society tell others what to think and feel, what is morally right or wrong. The judges in media. The high halls of the elite. The court of the popular. What they fail to realise is that some of us do not care for their gesturing. Some of us regard their talk as self-righteous moralizing. If I were to be judged by my...
  14. Swedish Criminals

    There seems to be a shooting once a day here in Sweden now. I and many others are becoming desensitized about the all the death and shootings. It's mostly gangs killing other gangs, but once in a while innocent people get shot too. Like a young girl who was shot dead while out with her dog. Some say she shouldn't have been out late at night, I say who cares? She should be able to go out any damn time she wants and not get shot because of a gang conflict. Besides, who knows, maybe her dog...
  15. Martyrs

    This blog post is as much of a question as it is a statement. How many of you, dear readers, know the names of at least three Nazis? And how many of you know the names of at least three people put to death by the Nazis? Right from your head, without using any search engine. Since this is a writer's forum, some people may actually know a lot of names on both sides. But I imagine the masses do not. I personally, without using a search engine, know the names of Goebbels, Hitler, and...
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