Breaking through the bottleneck.

Been a while since I had a reason, any reason to write anything down over here and this is a rare occasion, since the reason at hand is bliss. I'm so happy, ecstatic actually and of course I just have to share it with everyone, especially here, since it has to do with writing, so... relatability! I believe that you'll understand.

I've got a number of WIP going on, none of them completed and most of them are in english and only one of them is a screenplay, which I write in greek, since it's meant to become a feature film at some point, might I add, my first one. This project had began somewhere last spring and at some point it had become a priority in relevance with everything else I was writing, because what got me started with it was a screenplay contest that was due September 31 the previous year and you know... wherever opportunity strikes my creative greed takes over.

The prize was incredible. The first prize was full monetary coverage for the production of filming, etc, the second partial cover and the third one as well. Very good prospects. These kind of contests are like unicorns in greece. So rare, they are considered urban legends. I learned about it from a friend who isn't even related to this domain in any way and I couldn't believe it. I have no clue how she stumbled upon it, but I'm forever grateful for it. It was as legit as legit goes. A screenwriter contest supported by the national channel. Wow! Of course there were requirements and limitations I'd have to meet. Some written down and explained in detail and some left for your individual logic to work out on your own. What I mean is that you have to take into account some simple principles when it comes to the greek industry. It's tiny. A low budget film in America is a high budget film in Greece. So, although the theme or genre was free, for example if you wrote the most amazing, award winning in a parallel universe, sci-fi scenario, you'd lose the contest for the simple reason that they would not be able to cover such a cost of production. The value would greatly surpass the coverage, unless they slaughtered the takes so... I believe it's a simple logical deduction. Fantasy? Lol. Fantasy is completely nonexistent in Greece. I'd love to be the first one to introduce it, I find it very challenging, but I'm not sure if the greek audience would be ready for it. As I said: small industry, tiny budget, unfamiliar audience. Remaining realistic in these situations is a given. Not low, but realistic expectations are part and parcel of if you want to stand a chance.

Anyhow! So, this blessing of an opportunity became a curse and by mid-summer a nightmare. At first, I had not much time to invest in it, since I also had school projects, jobs, etc to work on. I came up with a concept, with characters, with some scattered scenes floating here and there, I also exacted a live research because a motivation of one of my protagonists (there are two) was kinda unfamiliar to me and I didn't want to screw it up, furthermore, I believe you get a more solid idea of who your character is by understanding in depth their motivations. The more you learn about them (the motivations), the more realistic they become (the characters), the easier it is to get inside their skin (guess). You stop judging them and you start understanding them. You flesh them out.

As I was saying, at first I didn't have much time and I was painfully aware of the passing of it. There was not much left and because this thought was only sabotaging me in everything I did, I decided to put it aside until I first finished my school project and then I'd put everything else aside and just work on this and so I did. Mid-summer came and... I was stuck. For good. I had almost everything outlined, as I wanted them to be, start, middle, finish, but there were gaps. Huge gaps. Not plot holes per say, because I hadn't thought the whole sequence on the go, I rarely do that, but I couldn't connect some scenes, meaning I couldn't justify some actions. The in between, you know? Like, why does that person ends up helping this person? Of course I can find some sort of justification, I'm the creator after all, but the ones I came up with where not good enough. I could fill in the missing pieces and connect the dots but it felt... bad. I was uninspired and anxious about time flying by and in a hurry, which I realise now how much stress I was in and that's the point where all evils in creation find fertile ground to sprout without you even noticing. I was trying to become a pro. I was trying to become another. Do it as they do it. Don't wait for inspiration to magically appear, although I have my methods of getting into that zone, but since I couldn't I'd push myself to work on this by force, like the technocrats do and it's bound to work out at some point... isn't it?

Well, it didn't. I lost the due date. I wasn't crushed, but kinda bummered. Actually, might I admit that when it was over I was kinda liberated. I prefer not taking part in an important contest if I know that what I'm about to send is heavily lacking. I haven't quitted upon this script, I like it, always had from it's first conception and I do believe that it would make a great feature film once it's completed and perhaps that's the reason I didn't feel like handing it in a cripple. It'd be a sin. A good story slaughtered, meant to fail. I wouldn't have that. I kept working on it though, sparsely, every now and then, in hopes inspiration would knock on my door again. Mostly editing and re-editing, since I couldn't come up with anything major to add in. I've been really squeezing my brain though. Every single curve and corner of it.

Anyhow, fast forward to yesterday. I did an all nighter again. I almost spent 24 hours, staring at my outline, at the screen, asking why this, why that and why the fuck I can't justify it? I'm usually very good at this. Why am I so god damned stuck on it ffs? Why can't I "see" it in my mind? Back to the character arcs, back to the basic plot points, and round and round we go. At some point, I got pretty tired of it and thought about focusing, but really focusing on something else. Be here, be now. My go-to place in times of high levels of intellectual or even emotional vexation is getting immersed in something completely logical. Something that makes sense, a completed construct with a specific set of rules and guidelines, detached by the emotions that personal creativity ensues. Oh, the things I've studied and learned just because of this decompression mechanism. Nowadays, my prefered meditation if you will is chess and I've become quite a formidable opponent at it.

So, I thought I'd play a game, ended up playing more than thirty, won most although a guy kicked my ass along with my chess dignity to smithereens (he was very polite though. In my defence I was sleep deprived af. He's in my bead now) and then I returned to my screenplay, super-caffeinated, stuck as usual and after a while I admitted defeat and quit for the day. I had to get some sleep before I lost it completely and that's where magic happened.

As I layed in my fluffy coverings, thinking about my losing chess battles and figuring out strategies that could work against this one guy, as I felt the pressure ebbing from my body and my mind, another mysterious signal of unknown source started intercepting my thoughts, hijacking my chessboard visuals and turning them into a cinematic film and guess whose film that was. Yep, it was my film completed in detail, scene by scene, all links connected, all gaps filled, from start to finish and it was beautiful. Everything I was so stubbornly stuck upon played out right in front, or should say inside of me in such great detail, it felt like cheating. How? Who played this film? Who is it, because it can't, just can't be me. I've been stuck forever with it and saw the missing pieces and some tweaking I should do with the story structure for it to flow nicely and none of this information was anything like what I've been coming up for so goddamn long. How come it's ready? It was too good to be mine and it was unrestrained, you know? It was done. All of it! It was the long forgotten aha-moment I was praying for, times ten. Right there for the taking. I mean, I've had these kinds of moments previously, but this is different. For once, at that moment I wasn't even thinking about my script. I was still awake and thinking about chess. I was pretty much immersed in chess. Furthermore, the film played undisturbed on its' own, started from the top and ended at the bottom and was in great detail. It was not just some flare of creativity, which I'm used to. It was very long lasting. Perhaps my creative os had not been compromised by viruses as I believed it to be. It was going through an unseemingly long upgrade, that was working unnoticeably in the background. In wuxia language I could proudly say that I've at last broken through my bottleneck and it'd make sense.

Once the film was done, I went back and rewinded some scenes, watched them again and again and again. Every single one of them made perfect sense. I scanned for plot holes, none to be found. It was like this film was taken from real life. Like it had happened. Like my protagonists and everyone else in it was the real deal. I had everyone's backstory without even trying to make things up. It was weird, that's all I'm saying in much more needed words, but that's the reason I'm writing all of this. It's too good to be true.

I jerked up, laughing in the darkness like a mad scientist. I had a very important decision to make: Should I try to fall asleep again or should I get up and start writing everything down? I decided to lie down and get some rest and pick it up when I got up first thing in the day, but spent the whole night replaying the film in my mind, just in case... I was afraid I'd lose it until I got up, something that has happened many-a-times with music, but I didn't. It's engraved in my mind and part the reason I won't ever be able to forget it, is that it is logical. It's not a matter of iterating something like learning someone else's poem by heart. It's a logical turn of events. When you understand why or how something works out the way it does, it's pretty damn difficult to forget about it.

Anyhow, I'm so very happy about this, I just had to share I mean... I've spent a considerable amount of time believing that the muse had abandoned me forever. Do I sound like a sound person? Nevermind! Being sound is overrated anyways. What's important is this: All that's left for me to do is write it down and I promise you for once this is the easy part.

May the muse be with you, always. Love yaz! XXX