Personal Writing

  1. A wish to not be known(230225)

    I fantasise about running away, throwing myself into the scum of the world and becoming one with it, Because in the dark and dinge of it all I will be nameless. Just a story lost to the passing of time. Nothing will matter. Not the things they say Not the choices I make Not the life I lived Because at the end of he day, when all is said and done, We all end up six feet under the very same earth. Laid to rest and forgotten.
  2. Stigma and Thoughts

    When you are out and about, walking amongst people, do you reflect on who they are? What their stories are? Sometimes you can see tired eyes or gloomy looks, the way they dress can also be an indicator as to how they're doing. But most of the time you have no idea who they are or what they struggle with. Some people have called me handsome, I wear somewhat decent clothes, and I take regular showers. I look pretty healthy. So it might surprise people that I have schizophrenia. It's something...
  3. I still haven't "begun"...

    To be honest I haven't even been working on my story. I'm mostly in what I would call "gathering the supplies" phase. Concept phase. I'm still trying to understand what am I writing. Also...how. I'm going to be a little coy, but this is mostly me taking notes of my progress so... I do have a concept, but it's...complicated. I already know it will require a lot of work. It requires the kind of blueprint a story about a person who can keep going back in time to change the future would......
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  4. The Cost of Intergalactic Nutrition

    "Luckily up here we only have to stop the vortex machine and introduce a disinfecting agent. I am told they have to divert the flow downstairs during this process and all of our production is for non resale only. For a full 24 hours, he bars that are designated ‘for charity only’; Even then we rarely have enough for local distribution. Regardless of the regulation put down from the top, word always gets out some how. Many of the lower level personnel are from the local slums, some of...
  5. Best Laid Plans

    Spoke to my psychiatrist a few days ago about wanting to study English. She recommended me not to at this stage, which I understand. But I still find it a bit sad. When I first got sick, they told me that the university would still be there when I got better. That was about eight years ago. Now it feels like a distant dream or something that may never happen again. I loved the university days that I attended. To explore English with like-minded enthusiasts was exhilarating. I was good at...
  6. Round Two

    In the summer of last year, I made this blog post, in which I wrote this paragraph: Today is my last day in Greece. It's a painful sentence for me to write (or think about). Every summer, it's the same story. Get excited about going home to Greece for the summer, and get literal nightmares as the days grow nearer and nearer to the time where I am to go back to the UK to continue my studies. This summer, things aren't any different, and the time has come for me to depart once again for...
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  7. First jokes

    This took me roughly 45 mins to write these jokes. This is my first attempt at writing basically anything. Let me know what you think and how you think I could make them better. Do you give a shit what happens to your body after you die? Fuck that I don’t. Bury me, cremate me, cook me and feed me to the neighbors, I don’t care. Shove a stick up my ass and wield me around like a puppet for a goof at Halloween time I like how enough people have choked themselves to death while jerking off...
  8. Do you have a muse?

    I believe I killed mine somehow. But I am planning to resurrect her. Perhaps I need to do some occult rituals and make a prominent sacrifice to bring her back. You know, the one that drives you forward. Where words and ideas seem to flow like a tsunami from your creative mind. I've had such periods and they're pure ecstasy. I long to be there again. I have the ideas, many of them. But the words remain mostly stuck, plastered to the insides of my head. There they rummage around for a way...
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  9. One Of My Biggest Regrets

    A tribute to the Nintendo DS, and that one friend from elementary.
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  10. Crafting Horror

    Sooooo... I've been taking a lot of notes. I haven't even been able to interact with the site much since I've...just been taking notes. I felt that creation begins with an idea, but I wanted it to be unique. Like Lovecraft, I wanted something to push the boundary. Yes, everyone says there's nothing new under the sun. They're wrong. There's nothing new that they know of. Just like, before Lovecraft, there probably wasn't anything much like what he wrote. Maybe some things that glanced on...
  11. Time, time, time

    On our neighborhood walks my wife and I used to walk past a big old deciduous tree (as I recall, though it may have been a pine). A couple years back, though, it dropped its biggest branch and some others in a storm, and the property owners had it removed. All of it, stump and all. This year when we walked past that spot, there is absolutely no indication that the tree was ever there. Once the next generation of property owners move in, no one will recall that tree. It existed, but now...
  12. A Phantom for My Opera?

    Some days when I doubt myself and my abilities to write I think of employing a ghost writer. But in a bit of a different setup. I will write the first draft and then the potential ghost writer can refine it to a readable/enjoyable state. I love storytelling, and I love the creative process. But my produce just isn't up to par most of the time. Training is like trying to teach an old dog new tricks. I read, I watch, I practice... I learn? Yeah, sometimes I do learn. But I will continue to...
  13. The Desperate Search for a New Idea...

    I think I have it... Not a truly different idea in that it's completely unheard of on any level.. But I had quit story-telling for a while because I couldn't think of something genuinely new and interesting. Different in terms of style, structure, and idea. As a fiction writer...I tend to want to create something. To flex my imagination rather than offering stylistic renditions of the same types of stories. Only problem is...I think I will never complete it in time. I know...cryptic....
  14. Word Of The Day

    Today's word of the day is ZEN. I refound my Zen today. I didn't even know I lost it. I was mowing the lawn, giving it a scalp cut, 1st cut of the spring. This is where you cut it at the mower's lowest setting, trim off all the dead so it can grow back green for the spring. I was transfixed atop the riding mower doing a repetitive task, the drone of the engine, gentle breeze in my hair. I'm back in the groove again. A calm & peace came over me, & I was reminded of when I worked as...
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