All Incels are Cains

@Zeppo595 To be honest man, the whole thing seems hopelessly pointless, partly because I agree with most everything you said.

I don't even know why I'm still here. Everything about society is total fucking shit. And who do you blame? You can't blame one group, you can't blame a specific person. It's just completely and totally fucked. I remember a Christian once responded to these struggles I was lamenting about, and they said (paraphrasing), "Just remember that women are fellow strugglers too." I do not consider myself any better than them.

You can't blame one thing. If it's not dating apps then it's people selling their books about "game". If it's not that, it's the double-speak named social media. If it's not that, it's subsidizing single mothers. On and on and on and on we go. How do you even fix that? It would be a monumental, generation-long task just to fix ONE of those things.

I fucking hate it here. And by here, I mean society. I had a new scary thought for the first time: I actually hope it blows up. A *real* "Great Reset", not a government planned one.

BUT, rant aside, perhaps other countries are not so bad. Then again, when I consider globalism, and I consider how pretty much every western country has these problems, I just throw my hands up in the air.

Talking to ladies in person hasn't given me much more hope. After all, the people online (unless they're fake accounts) ARE real people. I work with 20 of them at a popular coffee chain. It's the same story as it has been my whole life with ladies:

1) I dislike them (not because they're women; I simply dislike them for whatever the reason might be: character, personality clash, etc).

2) Or, they're pretty cool and nice to talk to but not what I find attractive.

3) They're attractive and we get along but they have a boyfriend or don't find me attractive.

The whole thing is a never ending joke. I guess I'm past the point of emptily promised hope. I talk with women because I have to, and I treat them respectfully, but nothing beyond that. I can't compete with this small pool of men who are fucking 90% of them, and I'm not going to settle for one of the 90% who come crawling back to reality around age 30. *I* would feel like *they* were settling for me, and I'm suicidal enough as it is without having a nuclear bomb literally dropped on my mud-hut ego. No man or woman wants to live with the feeling of "having been settled for" for the rest of their life. Not unless they're desperate enough, I guess. Personally? I'm not so desperate that I would subject myself to that.

I still have a hard time believing that women feel love except toward their children, having read and seen hundreds of stories of what women do to their boyfriends, their husbands. Seems like a bunch of capricious bullshittery goes on 24/7 every where you look.

Regardless of whether you agree with what I've said or don't, or think I'm a fucking lunatic, I don't really care. I have no further intentions of dating. Despite what the Dude Bro of Delphi told me, I'm not going to tie every activity (school, a career, making money, going to the gym, eating better) to some end goal of theoretically increasing my chances with some imaginary partner. How fucking toxic is that common advice?

Everything is for me, my existing family, and my friends. And of course once I have students, I care about their well being. I put on a convincing optimistic face.

@Zeppo595 I appreciate your understanding and treating these issues with sincerity. Not many are, in my experience. I feel like I'm talking to brick walls everywhere.

Since I have a tendency to be long-winded and ranty, I want to preface the rest of my response here. I find a great deal of solace AND *sense* in your responses. Thank-you for that.

Though Christian I claim to be, I cannot seem to rid myself of lust or a desire for sex. Trying to force it out of myself just led me toward suicide, so I'm taking a hiatus from that project.

However, at the same time, you are also right. I don't just want sex. I COULD find some thot, some hoe, just to bang. Similarly, I have gotten to know a few girls who I could have had sex with, but the only thing that stopped me WAS having standards. That's not what I want though. When you don't care about the other person, sex is empty. It'd be better for the soul to just jerk yourself off or get an inanimate sex doll or something than do that with another human being.

I dare to want the best of both worlds. To be attracted physically, and also spiritually. I dare to believe that I do not ask for too much. But, even though I'm a 7, I cannot even score a 6. Every girl who is a 6 or greater is enthralled by the top 1% of men.

In my opinion, my standards are not that high. I think that they appropriately reflect how attractive I am. That is to say, I am hardly frustrated or upset at all at not receiving the attention of some absolutely gorgeous and angelic lady who has an equally beautiful personality. Though such people are quite uncommon, over the years I've met a select few who I would place into this category (beauty being in the eye of the beholder, of course). That is not my concern. I can recognize who is, and who is *not*, at a similar stage in their life journey or personal development as myself.

Furthermore, I guess it is a matter of how desperate I am. If I truly let myself be driven by a strange desperation, then I would have gobbled up the first opportunity I had. If I lowered my expectations then I would end up with people I despise, and I wouldn't be happy, and neither would they. Nobody wins in that scenario.

Just to clarify, I was in complete agreement with what you said about exercise, going to the gym, etc. That was actually my point! There is intrinsic value and satisfaction in those healthy activities. You should do those things for yourself. If it happens to benefit your dating experience, that's a bonus. But that's far from the objective. Making it the objective is like putting the cart before the horse. It wouldn't work for a number of reasons, but I feel I am preaching to the choir, as it seems you essentially agree with what I am saying.

Dating in other countries and cultures is certainly a bridge I would have to cross if I came to it. I won't concern myself much with it now. It's a consideration, primarily for the reason you said (to paraphrase: dating in the United States is a fucking pathetic joke). But beyond that, certainly not something I am actively pursuing. I have of course learned indirectly some things about Japanese dating culture and relationships. It's VERY different, and has its own baggage and issues. It's messy any where you look to be honest, but I think that it is reasonable to suggest that different people might find greater or lesser success in different cultures (including the various sub-cultures within the United States).

I met such a girl recently who I really clicked with. We share a similar sort of humor. She could bring out the best in me. We really got along.

And, at the age of 20, she's married.

When she told me that I laughed out loud. I quickly had to make it seem like I was just teasing her. But in reality, I actually was laughing at myself. Every day it feels like a great cosmic joke is being played on me, and I am the fucking ass of it. "I'm married. I have a boyfriend."

I honestly think that that is more unlucky than nobody liking you at all. For the latter never be tempted by what could've beens.

I wish not to be an insin or a Cain. I wish to radically accept my situation without compromising on my beliefs, standards, and my own value. I must absurdly accept that there simply is no suitable explanation except the most bizarre streak of bad luck to explain my predicament. I am not good enough for any Christian woman because I like vaginas, and my liking for physical pleasure was given by God Himself.

What a time to be alive.

From here on I will likely decide to live my life as if it is not in the cards. I prefer surprises to disappointments. And if I do that genuinely, then even if it never happens, then I get exactly what I expected and what all the evidence pointed toward. Neither a surprise, nor a disappointment in that scenario.

I'll still talk to women I meet in person. I have no intentions of going back to the apps. However, even the vast majority of females I talk to in-person, conversation (in my mind anyway) is forced and grating. It's rare for me to feel comfortable and like conversation is flowing well, naturally. When it does flow, that's usually the 5 minute warning for the "I have a boyfriend / husband" line.

@Dave The Great

Thank you Dave. I'm glad you understand. Most people probably just laugh at the misfortune or make a public mockery of it.