Never Talking About That Again, and You Shouldn't Either

I think tonight I will make a vow.

A vow to never talk politics with anyone, ever again.

Now, I haven't worked out all the details yet. There may be instances where I am required to say something about politics, if it's related to some literary work or piece of art; if it is required for school.

But I will need to think really hard about what is *truly* required.

Unless something has to do directly with me, like the policing of my speech, or infringing on my rights (or the real threat of such), I will abstain from any and all, every single political conversation that I ever encounter.

If there is one thing I really hate, it is being accused of something I didn't do.

If there is one thing I hate equally then, it would be having words put in my mouth.

Had I been given the floor, and the attention of suitable spans, in an environment that isn't a bar, I might have formulated an indivisible statement such as: "I am sorry that you find yourself ignored by your boss, and that your male co-worker is not ignored, and that he presents the same ideas to your boss that you have and experiences more success. But you don't know the reason why that's happening is because you're a woman; you've never asked him."

Now, since this took place in real life, it might not have actually been said in such a crystalline fashion. Nevertheless, that was my indisputable point: that you are making a negative assumption of your boss that you cannot actually prove (remember earlier how I said I personally hate being accused of something that isn't true? it applies to others as well), and in the process you are making yourself a victim based on that very unproven assumption.

In some sense, this is the pot calling the kettle black. But please note, not once have I said in this post that I am not a hypocrite. And a fact isn't suddenly nullified on the basis of coming from a hypocrite. A thing is true if a thing is true, regardless if it came from a saint, a sinner, a hypocrite or a perfect person.

Well, to play devil's advocate, I perhaps came off as unsympathetic. That was not my intention but I can certainly see how that may have happened. Really my underlying point is that regardless of why your boss is ignoring you, your boss shouldn't be ignoring you. The reason why you're being ignored in some sense is totally irrelevant.

Of course, you could say that it wouldn't be irrelevant if she's being ignored for being a woman. But unless you could prove that, it's a moot point.

However, the real problem I see here is one of missing the point. Your boss shouldn't be ignoring you. Your boss shouldn't be playing favorites. Your boss should give you actual feedback and a reason why the presentation of your ideas was unconvincing. And I myself don't know the full story and haven't lived your experience, so I basically have to take everything I'm being told with a grain of salt. That doesn't mean I'm going to gaslight you, or accuse you of lying or anything of the sort. It's just a simple fact.

Anyway, then came the phrase from one of the other people at the table: "So what you're saying is--"

And that was when I got pissed off. "So what you're saying is that she's just retarded?" Quoted. Not paraphrasing there.

No. I never said that. I never even implied that.

And then came the statistics and the sociological factoids and *I* was treated like I am retarded. Didn't I know that some women in society aren't listened to *because* they are a woman? Didn't I know that there are shitty men out there? What, am I living under a rock?

That was when I lost it. I was loud enough to draw attention in a bar going full-swing.

It's become increasingly evident that I'm better off alone. I am an indefinitely misunderstood person. This shit happens all of the time. I painstakingly reiterate, rephrase, reword things time and time again, and not with the intention of "winning" but with the intention of getting the facts. Honestly, the girl who was talking, one of my friend's girlfriends, wasn't even really upset at all about what I was saying.

She didn't agree. But she's too strong of mind and will, which is a good thing, to have an instinctive reaction to be hurt. After all, what the fuck do I know? I'm not her. I'm not working at her job every day. So I could see how I could unintentionally come across as being insulting.

Again though, the reality is that you can't prove why or why not that is happening. To make an assumption that conveniently makes yourself the victim and the other person the evil-doer without causal proof is a human thing to do. It's not like she based that assumption on nothing; that kind of thing DOES happen, I am well fucking aware, and it's natural to hypothesize why you're being ignored by your boss but a male coworker is not, especially if you're working on the same projects.

But in reality I think it is an awful thing to be ignored by your boss. It is an awful thing to have your ideas or whatever ignored. And then to see a coworker be treated better all the time in comparison to yourself.

Alas, never got to express any of that. Instead what I was saying, evidently, was that she's retarded.

I vow to never speak to anyone about anything remotely political ever again. Nope, you're right! Congratulations! I will be your yes-man from here on out! You are correct mein Fuhrer!

Sans a position of true influence and power, talking politics is a very useless exercise that usually meets a toxic end. People yell, people get mad, people accuse one another with the "so what you're saying is" weapon, nobody learns anything, people dig their trenches deeper. It's exasperating and, I'll say it, fucking retarded.

I'm a staunch advocate of freedom of speech, but wow do I at least understand the temptation of autocracy.

"You coming over to so-and-so's?" Literally right after.

"I'll think about it."

Nope. I'm not. Phone's off, I have my online status for my socials set to invisible. Off the grid at least for the night. Other people might not like me or what I have to say, other people might not listen, but it is comforting to know that that has no weight in terms of the actual validity of what I said, or my value as a person.

I'm beginning to value myself, at least. But if other people aren't going to listen, aren't going to value what I have to say, are going to "so what you're saying is--" me, that isn't in my control. It's not my job to control them. That has nothing to do with me.

And so you know what. If the reason why I'm single is because I'm not a yes-man for women, then so be it. Maybe the person who said that was just joking and trying to lighten the tension, and in all likelihood I'm sure that's what he was doing. I think the conversation had just gone a bit too far south at that point to make a difference. Still, if there's even any remote truth to that, whether he meant it that way or not, I can't control that either. That's not a game I want to participate in.