Beware of Disillusioned Empaths

Some of us are tuned in to others needs and feelings. And we feel a natural obligation to serve them before our own.
Well that is how I was, say 30 years ago , more or less. I was an idealist. Everyone out there was nice and could be trusted. And I gained a lot satisfaction from being "Mr Nice Guy". This attracted very confident people as friends. Border-line narcissists in fact. But of course they were charming and exciting and knew how to tell a story, grab the limelight from someone else. They were fun I admit. They were good times, in a totally decadent sense, at least. Hedonistic days.
One day you have to grow up. But rather than grow up I inadvertently decided to become a misanthrope. Slowly , gradually, the dark cynical shadow grew over and in through my body like a cancer.
Now I trust almost no one. I see faults instead of redeeming qualities. I get tired of mediocrity, my own and others. I am easily bored by others' opinion. Now, that is sad I know. I don't listen like I used to. I don't put others on pedestals. I tend to put myself up there sometimes, temporarily. Until the internal bully knocks some sense into him.
Throw in the weird mix, that I returned to Christianity 2 years ago, and I've become a cynical Jesus freak! So the gap widens even further between what I say and what I do. As St Paul said once "Why do I do the thing I hate?"
So I label myself a disillusioned empath. A disillusioned idealist really. Now where's the funny side to all this? I'm sure, you, the reader have found it. You can laugh at my expense. I don't mind. I'd like to think I can make people laugh...….at least.