Are you good at reading people? I mean, can you sum up people pretty much on first impressions? I like to think I am, but no, I've misread quite a few people over the years. In fact I tend to "fall in love" with people. By that I mean there is this honeymoon period where I think they are larger than life. One particular work colleague I remember. He was so helpful and informative at first. He was a refreshing change from my previous colleague who was lazy, selfish and loved to pass responsibility over to me. But gradually I found some chinks in this guy's armour too. He was cunning, very cunning. Gradually found I was taking all the responsibility and yet he wanted to call the shots, if there was no risk of him being found to have made a glaring error. I became his admiring lapdog and gradually that relationship just fizzled out until one of us left, fortunately him.
This particular workplace has really had a profound effect on me. I quit there almost 2 years ago and have only found part-time work since. I can honestly say I disliked 83.5% of the people there. Maybe it was the work culture rather than the people. Almost like it was haunted with an evil vibe. There were tall women who used their physical height to intimidate, others who gas-lighted me until I doubted my own memory. Then there were the cunning ones who put you on the spot with outrageous requests" I know it's 3.00am now, but I'm sick can you call to see if you can get a replacement immediately?" Another one, scarpering the minute I arrive for my shift, leaving me with a huge issue to deal with and no handover. Gossip and the three faces of Eve. Who am I talking to now? There was no trust, no ethics. People just moaned about the smallest thing someone else did .And I became part of the problem rather than the solution. I became a moaner and a gossiper. For that I feel ashamed too.
I needed to wash my hands when I left. Start again from scratch. Erase these people, these sordid events from my life. But I didn't. They still play on my mind. Even this morning, I replayed an event from that workplace.
A silly little tit-for-tat in the car-park. That was about the 100th time I've replayed it in my mind. I felt humiliated and still do no matter how many times I try to modify the exchange.
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