Personally, I think the description of the weapon is kind of long, and interrupts the story. Maybe describe the axe in small bits within...
I like the idea of the adventure Hiro is about to embark upon. However, i am not a fan of the whole guild thing. I think if you made this a...
That is deff plausible, every chapter in present tense, non linear. Just make sure to add the proper header at the begining of each chapter. The...
Why would you even need that much detail? A better description would be how people feel around her, what they are thinking.
I dont think thats a weakness, and please dont make him whine about what to do the whole story. In all honesty, your back story sounds much more...
You could have the familars train and level up to gain new abilities. Maybe the sorcs goto different gyms where they try to defeat the gym leader...
What if the acolytes can steal the life force of the golems when too far from stele. I think if your alcolytes can see into the mind of golems...
For the girl, sometimes thinking too much about others and not enough about herself can be a character flaw. She sacrifices her own happiness too...
Describing the clothing your characters are wearing, is most likely only relevant if it is important to your story. Perhaps you can throw in...
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