Very good, I loved how you used the "red herring" technique to give the story a great twist. This is a way better vampire/horror story then some...
I am just a high school student, so I not really the one to be correcting. The only mistake a saw was that two of your I's were lower case. I also...
I am no proffessional, I usually write about what ever pops to my head. Mostly, I write about sci-fi, fantasy or adventure. :p
;) New to this here, so feel free to introduce and recomend things to me! =)
Separate names with a comma.