not looking for a critique as much as for opinions on whether any of you think it's 'wrong' of me to make such a wish, since this is not just a poem, but something i actually wish could be wrapped up and given to me next wednesday... [mods: if you think this should be in 'the lounge' instead, please move with my blessing] Praying for Amnesia (what I want for my 73rd birthday on 9/14) let me just be old and passionless, no longer caring who is raped, or tortured, starving, enslaved, denied a life worth living let my mind and soul be numbed, immune to sorrow, despair, a mother’s futile love, the folly of hope and anger’s lust for justice let me slide into merciful senility unmoved by all the non-stop evils of our kind, blind, deaf and dumb, unfeeling as so many are let me still this maimed, overburdened heart, release this soul tormented by the truth that so few have the courage to see at all let me ignore our earth home’s mortal wounds, our fellow creatures’ equal right to life humankind unfairly reserves for itself and let me not know that I know what I know, not feel every pang all those who suffer feel, not live another moment cursed with thought…or love PLEASE!
I am a christian and I don't see this wish as demon possessed or any such thing. It's the burden of one who carries the world on their shoulders, one who cannot compartmentalize and remove themselves from the pain they see but feels overwhelmed by every instance of it and the knowledge that it cannot be stopped. It's the way you feel when you have cared too much for too long. Loved and reared children who grow up to be strangers whom love cannot protect and the result is only that it hurts more. It is Solomon's burden. Ignorance is bliss. Knowledge is painful. I don't think it's wrong, per-se, but it is a defeat and in the defeat is the wrong-ness. The illusion of control causes pain. I've had to come to realize that I do NOT have control. I can only do what I can do. I have to live with that. I cannot make choices for others and I am not responsible for the choices they make. But every instance of selflessness, of kindness, of love, of the sharing of wisdom and joy is a victory. You've got to keep your eyes on that part of it and realize that what is outside the realm of your influence is OUTSIDE. But since every person is infinitely important, the good you do to that person is of infinite importance. You are not Atlas. You were not made to carry the world. Don't take that burden on yourself.
It's an understandable feeling, considering the way the world is and how many people die preventable deaths every day, the people living in horrible conditions and abject poverty. But to turn our heads, to try and forget that they exist, is a disservice to those that cannot help themselves and need to be lent a hand. It's easier to turn a blind eye than to get your hands dirty, but it's what's required to make change on this planet.
thank you all for your candid thoughts on the matter... it's greatly appreciated... i'm wondering if you think what you have written here applies even to one of my 'advanced' age, who'd given up 'self' years ago and has been 'fighting the good fight' for so long it's sapped the soul's energy, the mind's resolve, and the heart's will to go on doing so? love and hugs, maia
Never wish for any of that. For when you achieve it your soul & all that makes you a human being is dead. God bless you. x
Coming from a perspective of youth, I can't imagine how someone of your age (not implying an old age, of course ) would deal with decades of continued poverty and death on a global scale. It's got to take a toll. Even closing in one two decades of life, I'm feeling the weariness of it all. Ultimately though, I think it's neccessary, for others and for yourself, to find the little bits of good in the world so you can move foward, continue on the path of life. While ignorance may be bliss, the joy from helping others and seeing the good in humanity can bring more happiness than not knowing the dark sides of man.
I understand where you're coming from. News headlines, tragedies, man's destruction of man. It gets to you, but it's part of life. It's been getting to me (and many, many others) for the past 50 years. We may suffer because we know of and feel for those whose lives are blighted by tragedy but someone has to cry for the child who is about to succumb to starvation. Perhaps that's our share of his load. Wish for his salvation rather than your own. You want to 'slide into merciful senility' but I've seen senility and it isn't always merciful. Having nursed a relative through senile dementia and seen the fear and isolation is brought to her; listening to her almost constant crying because she could no longer recognise the world she was in; watching her wandering from room to room looking for her family and wondering why they weren't there, was the hardest things I've had to do. Don't pray for that. While you lose everything that distresses you, you will also lose everything that comforts you. As hard as it may be to see this world as it really is, warts and all, there are people out there making a difference.
Agreed. Unfortunately, you can't have one without the other. Pain is part of what makes us human. Lose the ability to care, to empathize and hurt on behalf of someone else and you lose what makes you human. I know it doesn't always feel like it, but to have a heart like yours is a blessing!
thanks for the input, everyone!... i'd expected most of it, actually, but thought the topic could use an airing... i'm especially grateful for all the kind words... lots of love and hugs to all, m
If we have hearts, we should use them. That doesn't mean we can - physically or mentally - carry all the world's burdens with us. It's too much.
true... but it's impossible to stop, when one has been doing so for many years, as one's 'job'... being a practicing philosopher is not something i chose to do, really... but more what i seem to have been 'chosen' to do...
