Hello everyone, I'm thinking of starting a new story and would like to know what you people think of the characters/plot and everything. I still haven't gone into that much of it but anyways just tell me if I need some sort of improvement or if I'm unintentionally copying something. Thanks. It is a fantasy type story so if you aren't into that then I suggest you don't read it. I've already started to plan a sequel so you can input your thoughts into that too if you want. Brainstorm 3rd person omniscient Different dimension, middle-ish ages, swords, old pistols/cannons Main Characters: Joel Pann, Lucas Way Antagonists: Oran (dictator/king), Joel Pann (later in story) Side characters: Pelle Sin (inn owner), Reyonald Reyt (old king/real king), Rusty Allen (prison inmate) Plot: Lucas and Joel are friends in a town called Polin. Joel's parents are killed by King Oran's henchmen and Joel is kidnapped by them. Lucas goes in search of Joel but is killed when he is pushed off of a cliff by an unseen force. Lucas finds himself in complete darkness and sees a small light about 40 feet away. He runs to it and right as he is about to get to it he falls downward. Lucas is falling very fast but there seems to be no air friction. He hears an ominous voice that is coming from every direction. It says that it is not his time yet. Lucas passes out and wakes up in a forest. He knows where he is and he climbs up the cliff that he fell off of. When he makes it back up he notices something different about the town, it's completely destroyed. There are no bodies nor any signs of life. He walks to the inn where his father worked and he sees a man who made a camp inside the inn. The man's name is Pelle Sin, he was the owner of the inn. Pelle tells Lucas about how he was traveling to a village to live with his family for awhile before coming back. He says that when he got back he saw that the town was reduced to a pile of rubble. Lucas asks how long he was gone and Pelle replies that he left for 7 years. Lucas is astounded that he had been dead for so long and notices how much he had grown. Pelle accompanies Lucas to find and save Joel. Lucas and Pelle travel for a very long time to different places and eventually find the whereabouts of Joel from a mysterious old man named Reyonald Reyt. Reyonald tells them that the land of Irisand is being ruled by a ruthless king name Oran. Oran is a false king. Reyonald raised Oran as his apprentice but Oran eventually became too powerful and overthrew him. Oran became a dictator and did whatever he pleased. Oran was getting old and he needed a host to manifest his soul in. Reyonald says he doesn't know if Oran had found one yet, but he says Oran seemed to stop looking 7 years ago. Lucas knows that he has to save Joel before Oran overtakes Joel's body. Lucas and Pelle travel faster than before, resting every 2 nights. In five months they make it to Oran's capitol building and try to sneak in through the sewer. They are captured and put in the prison. They meet a man named Rusty who has been planning to escape the capitol for 3 years. He has a perfectly devised plan that, if it doesn't work, will doom them. They follow his plan carefully and they succesfully escape the cells. They all sneak into the throne room and Rusty has a bone to pick with one of the guards. Rusty attacks the guard head on and is shot down in a flash. Lucas and Pelle are now in distress, they've made it to the throne room but they don't have a further plan. They wait in the hiding spot for a few minutes and Lucas sees Joel walking into the throne room. Joel walks to the throne and sits in the golden jeweled chair. Lucas sees Joel's eyes and they are glowing white. He knows that Oran has already merged with Joel. Lucas is filled with rage and suddenly goes berserk over the loss of his friend. He lashes out his anger on the nearby guards then heads towards Joel. Joel shoots at Lucas but Lucas deflects it with his blade. Joel stands from his ivy-covered throne. Lucas thrusts his sword at Joel's heart and gets a direct hit, Joel doesn't even flinch. He pries the sword out of his chest like a flimsy toy and continues onwards towards Lucas. Suddenly Reyonald appears and hands Lucas a small object. He says that it holds the power to destroy Oran but it will also consume Lucas' soul and put it into a dormant state. He says that it will put his soul back into the soul stream and the Overseer will have to deal with it. Lucas is confused but knows that he must destroy Oran at any cost. Reyonald puts himself in front of Lucas as Joel charges him with his sword. Reyonald urges Lucas to run as Joel is distracted. Lucas runs out of the throne room and into the garden full of dark and angry looking plants. He looks back and sees an explosion. A few seconds later Joel emerges from the debris of the destroyed throne room. Lucas looks at the object and sees the resemblance to Oran's throne. Lucas defensively fights Joel as he makes his way back to the fallen throne room. Lucas is stabbed through the arm and is badly injured. Joel makes an attempt to kill Lucas as he puts the object into a slot under the throne. Joel screams in agony as Oran's soul is wrenched violently out of Joel's body. The soul flies through Lucas making a final attempt to kill him. Lucas' body is left behind with Joel as his soul follows Oran's into the throne. End.
A story concept means nothing. I can tell you now, it has been done before. What matters is how you write it, the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it. There's no benefit in asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..." If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it. Please read this thread about What is Plot Creation and Development?
Uh, may I suggest a formatting idea? Separate that block of text into paragraphs, so that people can read it easier. I couldn't bring myself to try to read it; not many people like slates of text...
Cogito's post is really the truth. You could give me the plot and have it be amazing, then write it and have it be utter doo doo. Why don't you start the story and post if for critique? Maybe that will help you more.
