A letter to your characters

I may do that! I don't think it's crazy, it would let my characters speak. So, thanks for the idea!

 

Dear Uli,

I need to apologise for what I put you through. You didn't deserve it. Tomas didn't either. Can you ever forgive me?

And while I'm on the subject; Could you please call off your mother? She stalks me in my dreams. If she has her way, I'll die tonight, drowned in a vat of my own blood.

I love you really.

T.C.

......​

Dear T.C.

You can fuck right off! You deserve every last sanguine gurgle. I hope she gouges out your eyes for good measure.

I hate your guts.

Uli.

 

Dear Amos Garnier,
Please pick a goddamned setting already! You keep hopping back and forth and this isn't one of those ‘time-travel’ stories. It's a historical mystery for flonk's sake. >:[ If you don't, I'll make Benjamin Walker the protagonist and have you be the first book's murder victim. Think I'm joking, you stupid Frenchie? Remind me again who is writing your story? Who has the power to do to you, your friends, your very world what he pleases?

That's right, I am. So pick the setting or you will be the first book's murder victim for young Benjamin Walker to avenge. No, y'know what? Screw it. You're in the Colonial America setting and you will enjoy it. I won't hear another word from you.

---​

Dear Mishu Jerni,
Well, you certainly grew and matured since I created you all those years ago. Very pleased to see that. Wait, what? You'd rather I write you as a badass assassin and not as a blind detective with cervical dystonia? Well I would, but stupid Amos over there has ADHD. You're right, you're probably better off as the badass assassin. That's where all the juicy stuff I want to talk about are located anyhow. I'll see what I can do. Thank you, Mishu.

---
​

Dear Helen Chert,
What's going on here? I gave you a plot, a setting, a spaceship and you're just sitting on your butt doing nothing? What? Oh, oh so it's MY FAULT?? It's MY FAULT that I hadn't developed the plot beyond you finding a half-dead alien stowaway in your ship's cargo hold? Well excuse me for being distracted by Mishu and stupid blind ADHD Amos over there. Ugh, fiiiiine. >:[

 

I love this thread and wish my brain would let me join in, but the logical side tells me there's no point, so why bother? I've tried really, really hard but I just don't 'get it'!

Maybe because my characters are cute puppies?

 

Marckus Syrilious,

The internal war that you have externalized as a result of betrayal of faction, that drives your inner rage and disobedience will work out in the end. Not that it is news to you, but nothing ever goes according to plan. Been to Hell for so long it is your home, but you are a decent person under all the violence and rage. As for Zlada, she will be a beacon of light for you, even through the violation of her body. She holds no ill will toward you as a result of it, understanding that none could foresee that happening. It will burden you as you feel responsible as she was only following your orders.
Corlixia loves you, though she is still learning to understand the emotion herself. Saved your ass on Mars, and she is grateful for you taking her from Ceres. Perhaps in time she will find a healthier outlet for her darker nature, that is less destructive. Consequently and not that you know yet, but she is a virgin. In time she will come to you and bond both physically and emotionally with you. It will be on her terms, and it will be something you are not familiar with. But it will be the next evolution in your relationship with her.
Graxis will be your friend and brother in arms till the death. Kionnxia is amused at your tact and persona, as one would expect from a highly evolved and advanced creature. The Commander finds you most peculiar at times, and asks you of many things to better understand you.
Lastly, when you meet the Empress she will give you the honor of the Empyreal blessing. That will come at a time after you have killed Commander Riley.
Stay strong dear friend.

B. Graxis,

Congratulations on making Major, your advancement was somewhat overdue. The ground war on Terra has tested your mental capacity, and your loss of comrades is great but not in vain. The Harvest Facilities have played badly on your emotional state, as you are not ever going to be comfortable with such vile cruelty that Humans and Greys are capable. Let alone the mercy you have had to show to the poor victims of such cruelties when there is no other way to help them. This in turn shows that you do not take pleasure in such a necessary evil, and will haunt the back of your mind the rest of your long life.
Dlynvacko has been enamored with you since the beginning of your service aboard the Xharai onivos Zahnolai, and has only recently voiced her feelings for you. Granted the circumstances in which this took place were in a moment that was not your finest. You know that she was right in getting upset with you over that ordeal, as you are better than any butcher could be.
The future is one of better days, that have yet to come. Union to Dlynvacko will bond you two for life as mates, and you will adopt the little Terran girl Samantha and raise her as your own. As well as live a happy life fairly free from conflict in the cottage you always wanted to have with your family, in a scenic valley back on Centuria.
All the best.

Corlixia,

You have grown so much since you started on your journey. There will be obstacles to overcome, but you will do fine on your rough path. Beautiful as you are, you will always have a craving for your old life of delivering pain. Though in time you will find an outlet that will allow for these cravings in a much healthier manner. First you must continue to prove yourself strong of body and mind as the war continues. Though Marckus has not made his feelings known to you, he cares for you. Caught him a bit off guard in the Martian Colonial hospital on post, but that is when you came to accept your feelings for him. You were afraid to lose the one being that regards you as an equal, and not as just some other monster to be dealt with at any level. You remember that late night drink and conversation the first time you shared as two beings, despite your rough exteriors, you had a moment of intimate vulnerability. And you were treated afterward with the respect of not having your body ravaged when you shared his bunk in a drunken haze.
There will come a time when you will act on these feelings of affections toward Marckus. This will bring you both together in ways you had never considered possible, and it will be your first time physically bonding with another on top of your emotional ties. You will be the instigator of this engagement of the flesh, but on your own terms. And it will be considered unconventional to him, none the less he will trust you throughout the encounter. Then again everything about your relationship is unconventional, but normal is one thing you two do not abide by.
You will do great things after your service has concluded, and long after Marckus dies. You are not unlike him in the fact that you do not seek adulation for anything that you do, only know that you have done the best you could ever hope to. Though you have and will do terrible things, you know that they are for the greater good. And in the absense of Marckus, you will appreciate the fragility and beauty of life and what it has to offer.
Take care my dear, and do not stop being you.

 

Dear Alex

You'll have to make your own entertainment for a few days. I'm on a maths and English course right now and by the time I've got home and had my tea, I just want to veg in front of the telly until bed time.

Hang on in there. You've got funds now, so check into a hotel and wait there until I'm free to join you.

Oh, and just warn Chet that I may be changing his name, as it's quite a ridiculous one. I'm not even sure why I gave it him.

 

So, one of my MCs answered right now to my letter. Might not have been the best time, as he is pretty pissed at me right now . I'll put it in spoilers, as there is quite a bit of cussing included.

Mods: If I should remove it, let me know.

Spoiler: Jaraley's answer

Fuck yourself! That's it, just piss off! Yes, I mean YOU with your high-handed ideas and philosophies! Do you have any fucking idea what you are doing to me, right this scene? You are just sitting behind your screen, completely removed from reality. It's not YOUR world turned upside down - again! You are not the one who's facing the fear of loosing the one thing which I fought so hard to forget, and don't you dare and pretend to understand! You are nothing but a coward, so fuck off and let me get on with my life! I don't want fucking nothing from you, least of all hope!

 

Eeeeeasy there, dude. Here, have some tea. That will help, yes?

I'm gonna brainstorm my characters' responses to me. Be back soon.

 

And here is another one - a bit more tempered. Or not? *looks worried*

 

Dear Kavado, Finlay and Sodapop girl
watch out I've got tragedy on the brain.

 

@peachalulu Well aren't you just a peach. Your poor characters.

 

Their responses:

Dear Amos Garnier,
Please pick a goddamned setting already! You keep hopping back and forth and this isn't one of those ‘time-travel’ stories. It's a historical mystery for flonk's sake. >:[ If you don't, I'll make Benjamin Walker the protagonist and have you be the first book's murder victim. Think I'm joking, you stupid Frenchie? Remind me again who is writing your story? Who has the power to do to you, your friends, your very world what he pleases?

That's right, I am. So pick the setting or you will be the first book's murder victim for young Benjamin Walker to avenge. No, y'know what? Screw it. You're in the Colonial America setting and you will enjoy it. I won't hear another word from you.
Yeah? And who was the one who kept imagining me pulling an Elvis by jumping on the table and singing into my cane, hmm? You. Don't blame me for engaging in activities that won't exist for a century and a half. Secondly, I know you won't do it. Kill me, that is. You do that, and the story ends. That's it. Benjamin's not gonna save it. Emily won't. Admit it, this story needs me as much as I need it. You want to write a mystery about a blind teen in modern times solving murder mysteries? You can either put me there and stick with it . . . or you can get over it and keep me in the Colonial America setting. You've got no one to blame but yourself.

---​

Dear Mishu Jerni,
Well, you certainly grew and matured since I created you all those years ago. Very pleased to see that. Wait, what? You'd rather I write you as a badass assassin and not as a blind detective with cervical dystonia? Well I would, but stupid Amos over there has ADHD. You're right, you're probably better off as the badass assassin. That's where all the juicy stuff I want to talk about are located anyhow. I'll see what I can do. Thank you, Mishu.
Wait, hold on! I didn't say you couldn't write a version where I have cervical dystonia and I solve murder mysteries. I'm just saying find a way to make that version make sense. And, uh, you're the author. Couldn't you figure out how to write the juicy stuff into the mystery version? Seems to me everything's the exact same except in that one I have a neck condition and, y'know, there's no world war about to break out. And who the flonk is this Amos person?

---
​

Dear Helen Chert,
What's going on here? I gave you a plot, a setting, a spaceship and you're just sitting on your butt doing nothing? What? Oh, oh so it's MY FAULT?? It's MY FAULT that I hadn't developed the plot beyond you finding a half-dead alien stowaway in your ship's cargo hold? Well excuse me for being distracted by Mishu and stupid blind ADHD Amos over there. Ugh, fiiiiine. >:[
I'm sorry, John, but that's required when you are writing a story. World-build, develop, all of that. I can't do it for you. I'm a character in your head. I need a plot to work with or else I'm forever just going to sit here in my cabin. Why is there an alien boy in my ship? Why do I care about him -- and please cite an actual excuse beyond ‘I'm a nice person, and that's what nice people do’. -- enough to help him when I could just as easily put him in a homeless shelter? What's his connection to this space pirate? I don't know who this Amos or Mishu is, but you need to show all of us the same creative attention. Think of the motives; what does the boy want? What do I want? What is my job? Why am I willing to put my life, my crew, and my ship . . . and possibly my own career on the line to assist this boy? These are the questions you've got to answer. So in short, yes. Yes, this is entirely your fault.

 

Welp, Some spice in that character huh? Well, to be suspected by the looks of things

 

Hi all,

I really don't know whether in your position I would find this information liberating or horrifying but: you aren't real. I made you up.

You probably won't believe this at first. Who would? But if you take a little time to think about it, it makes sense.

Rick: You're an actor, right? And, by all accounts, a successful one - you have an award or two. Try to remember the last acting job you had. No, the name of the movie won't do. Try to remember a line of the script, or something that happened on set. Who directed it? You must know, right? You don't? I know you have a vague notion that you might sometimes indulge in some of the usual excesses associated with celebrity, but would that really account for such a significant hole in your memory? You don't remember these details because I never wrote them.

Tom: As I understand it, you've been learning Mandarin, haven't you? You're kind of angry that your parents deliberately avoided speaking it around you as a kid, because they wanted everything to be in English in their home. Care to speak a little? Anything will do. "Hello, my name is Tom. I work in marketing." Know why you can't speak Mandarin despite studying it for a couple of months now? I can't speak Mandarin, so you can't speak Mandarin. That's how it works.

Janine, Polly, Monika: Ever noticed that if something can go wrong for you it does? Or that a lot of the horrible things that happen to you might be funny if they weren't happening to you. Just last week for instance, as you were nursing your wounds, you might well have reflected on how exceptionally unlikely it seemed that a badger would attack three adult human beings. And this right after your incredible run of bad luck in which you got lost, your vehicle broke down, and then your phones died. It's almost as if someone is deliberately putting you into ridiculous situations in an effort to entertain some unseen audience. Who would do a thing like that? Me. I would.

To everyone else: You know how sometimes a building, or a town or an entire country that was there, large as life, one day is suddenly gone the next? Or how the same thing happens to you over and over, but with little details changed? Or how some of you don't have names ('man in long coat', 'grumpy stallholder', 'Silent Umber's followers' - I'm looking at you)? I mean, that's not normal is it? It's as if someone is making and remaking your world on a regular basis, and they never quite complete it. Hi there. That person is me.

Okay, so: go away, have a little think about this and let me know how you feel. And, before you do anything rash, remember: if I die you go with me.

With love,

Sal

 

Here's another fun twist to the game: Maybe our characters could write to us first, then the reply is our response to them?

Here's another to Kevin McKinley, the protagonist of my General Mysteries:

Dear Kevin McKinley,

You went by many different names and forms since I created you way back in 2004. You were my first ever protagonist. Now here you are, a college student and a football player. How things have changed in the last twelve years. I know I have you chasing after a World War I-era sword because you overheard your aged professor talk about how it belonged to his surrogate grandfather, so I'm curious if you think that plot fits you. That's right, Kevin, I'm letting you decide for me what the plot will be as I'm getting the sense you don't want to do that one.

Also, um, are you OK with what I have for your backstory? A Canadian-American orphan living with his aunt and uncle, looking after his cousin? Oh, and one more thing...how do you like the fact that I made Amos Garnier your ancestor? You wanted to be like him as a child, so this is you mimicking him.

Last thing for me to discuss with you: your friends. Do you think I've been fair in my portrayal of Kim and Adrian? What of your fellow classmates?

Looking forward to hearing from you, Kevin McKinley.

Sincerely,

Link the Writer

 

To my dearest I.A.,
I'm the king of bloody mountains, I'm not going to 'turn it down'.
My son is the main character of this so called novel, so dear, I will not turn it down.
I loved the arc you were thinking of writing for me, it was so romantic! Turn it up dear, turn it up!

Yours affectionately,
King Veen of the British Mountains.

Alrighty Veen! Calm it!

 

Kevin McKinley's reply:

Spoiler: A few swears, and three more characters enter the fray

Seriously? THAT is your name? Who the hell calls their kid ‘Link the Writer’? Whatever, I've got a big problem with you and the way you've been handling the setting, me, and my friends.

Regarding the plot: Yeah, you think? Why the hell would the college professor want me to go chasing after something that is very personal to him? I don't mean to diss on Holocaust survivors, but why exactly do I care? It's just a sword, and even if his dad were a pro-Nazi or whatever, getting that sword back isn't going to change anything. This plot sucks. I refuse to partake in it.

Wait, you want me to...decide the plot for you? How exactly is this my job? OK, fine. Let me do your work for you. Ready? ‘A mutilated body of a teen is discovered in the creek near my home with some haunting words on a piece of paper clutched in the teen's hands.’ There, was that so hard?

Regarding me being an orphaned Canadian. I honestly couldn't give two shits if you made me a blind, hunched backed Syrian orphan taken in by an elderly Canadian couple. Just quit using me as a mouthpiece for your opinions. Oh, I saw that thing you wrote where Kim goes on a overly-dramatic rant about some cyber bullies and I preach to her about...some shit or other. Oh, and speaking of that...

Fuck you. Kimberly is not some emotionally fragile, insecure girl who needs me to be her goddamned Rock of Gibraltar. She can take care of herself just fine. If she were here, she'd kick your ass so hard that blood would be coming out of your nose and mouth. Wait, here she is now. Kim?

Yeah, seriously, fuck you, Link. You think because I have albinism I can't take care of myself? Wow, this is saying a lot coming from a guy who is half-deaf and half-blind. I guess it's only bad if it's happening to you. Secondly, what the hell were you smoking back when you had me be a part of your sci-fi -- I think it was the Santarnica thing?? -- where I was the child of the High Admiral and treated like shit? And I somehow became a cadet on Helen Chert's ship? No, seriously Link... Fuck. You.

Oh, we're ripping our author a new asshole? Good, I've got some beef with him myself. My name is Adrian, yeah, the token black dude in this trio? You did not just do that for the sake of having a black character. You wanna have a black character, fine, but treat them like you treat the white characters. Diversity is cool and all, I champion it but there's that and there's being a complete dumbass. You're being the latter.

All right, push over. Time for me to kick this arrogant kid where it hurts: I am Oscar, the old professor you are having these kids ‘assist’. Such arrogance that you think you could freely shove in a character whose a Holocaust survivor without doing research. For someone who worries himself to death about sensitivity to the point of treating everyone in his world like walking egg shells, you certainly act very insensitive to us. Oh, what's the ending? The great and glorious Kevin saves the poor little Holocaust survivor and waxes lyrical? You arrogant, dumb son of a bitch. If anyone is saving anyone, it's me saving Kevin's pathetically stupid Canadian ass. And the asses of his little friends as well. This isn't diversity, this is plain and simple offensive shit, and the worse part is that it's being done by a naive little author who doesn't know what the hell he's doing!

So yeah, in short, you suck, Link. We will not do this story until you make drastic changes to, like, all the things.

Sincerely, the main characters of this book.

 

@Link the Writer : Did your characters take lessons from Jaraley?? You'd better be careful what ELSE he could have been teaching them...

 

They've been holding on to this rage for quite some time. They're happy to finally be able to release it.

 

Oh God!! You are amazing